The photo I chose for today is one of Brian and me attending Pensacola's Mardi Gras parade -- a mere week before COVID 19 hit the shores of the United States. We were so innocent then, feeling like we were invincible from the virus that ravaged other nations.
And now here we are. I'm stuck with limited physical contact with those whom I love , and it sucks. As much as I love my spouse, my soul longs for some good " girl-time "with some friends.
Florida isn't totally shut down yet, but I am anticipating news that we'll be the next state to have a " Stay at home order" Frankly, although I totally understand the necessity for such orders I not in a good mental place.
For most of my life, I've been pathologically shy. { YES!!! } My shyness hit its all-time worst when I was in middle and high school--- after I had two spinal surgeries to correct severe scoliosis during the summer of seventh grade my mental health too a dive.
High school was hell. Although I played on sports teams, my shyness kept me from any sort of social life . Dating was totally out-of-the-question. I was so shy that I was the girl at the home football game who walked the parameter of the stadium alone. Yup , in spite of my participation in sports, I surely was an outsider looking in on all the fun parts of teenaged life Prom? Didn't happen for me either year that I was eligible to attend. As a matter of fact, I did not go to my first dance with a date until a college Homecoming . I was twenty years old.
Loser? Yup, that was High School Sarah.
Had a pandemic such as the one we are living through hit during high school, I would be that kid who joyfully stayed home and did co-respondence work on an old Brother word-processor} I lived for " snow days", as staying at home meant that I would not subject myself to abuse from other girls in the restrooms and lonely lunchtimes. Staying home meant that I could read to my heart's content and not stress over my clothing.
Wow-- What a difference over a quarter-century makes. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm much more of an ambivert. I crave social time with people I like, and this physical-distancing has been hard on my psyche. Technology is wonderful, but NOTHING can replace shared meals with friends, worshipping together with the faith community & not washing my hands every few minutes at my parents' house { they are both " of age" & need to be careful} As a matter of fact, I m hoping { providing that ZOOM is not overwhelmed with use} to join my faith community for Virtual Night Prayer this evening.
When I was younger, I'd beg God to take away my shyness. At middle-age, I'm learning that shyness is a trait that has its own merits.
Understanding why life must be this way for awhile does not cover my frustration, anger and sadness. I'm a ' people person" & I've worked hard over my adult life to overcome painful shyness. and living in isolation is not good for my mental health
In Love...…..
~Sarah
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