Another Month, at least #CoronaVirusLife

April will be a bust. 

America is shut down for at least another four weeks. People are still not following orders for physical distancing, and more people are falling ill. I am not sure which numbers to believe regarding the numbers of people with the virus nor am I set to believe any damn thing out of Washington, DC. 

 I am scared. For me, fear manifests itself in either anger { more like rage} or extreme depression. Two weeks into this My spouse puts up with fits of rage-- and I am quite possibly the luckiest person to have landed Brian. I know I am currently not an easy person with whom to share a home. Fear makes me angry. Anger makes me sad.  Sadness, unchecked, can lead me into deep depression that can be dangerous. 

No one should be collateral damage in this fight against COVID19 Yet for many people who are prone to mental illness-- that is the risk that we face daily. Self-care has been a daily struggle for me, and I am blessed with a spouse, friends, family and a faith community who love me. 

Even with all this support-- fighting mental illness in quarantine is damn hard. 

Why don't people discuss the effects of quarantine on metal health? While isolation is necessary-- I find it hard to believe that I am the only person on the planet who is willing to name  the detrimental effects that this necessary quarantine has on the human mind. 

For another four weeks, please check in on people. Check on people who have known mental health issues and those who say " I'm okay". Check especially on those who seem to be putting on that " stiff upper lip". 

Love your people-- even if it is from a distance. 

Keep being human . 

Peace...

Sarah

#CoronaVirusLife : Little Blessings

I'll get real right now.

I HATE this isolation that Coronavirus has forced humanity into. Especially as someone whose would had been really small during my younger years due to extreme shyness-- Coronavirus has me sometimes feeling like my world has shrunk.

The only other human whose in-person company I enjoy has been my spouse. As much as I love Brian---I don't want my world to shrink to just we two.

The newish technology is a God-send.  The times when I am scheduled to chat with my people via Zoom have become the most sacred times of my days.

One of the challenges of these days is for me to find at least one blessing-- no matter how small. This can be hard if I allow my mental/spiritual health to take a downward spiral-- so I am mindful of catching myself when the slipping occurs

Today on my morning walk I spied a bumblebee pollenating a purple flower.

Purple is my favorite color-- and Mom says that I've " taken to purple" since early childhood. Many people here consider these flowers weeds, but I love the bright purple hues that pop up  everywhere on my walking route. This morning I saw a bumblebee polinating one of the purple flowers. I stopped and gave quiet thanks for both purple flowers and bumblebees. 

Life with little in-person contact with other people has opened my eyes to the wonder and beauty that often is not noticed every day. 

Not long ago Brian and I were enjoying the waterfront at a nearly empty { empty of humans} waterfront park. Brian set up his fishing gear and my eye caught a Blue Heron  sunning itself  while looking for fish. I marveled at the beauty  of the long-legged bird as I quietly walked in the water to get closer. 

Birdsa nd bees do not worry about deadly viruses, nor are they displaced by mandatory physical distancing . They just wake up each day and live their lives in the moment.  Perhaps that is the take-away lesson from each Little Blessing that Nature bestows upon me.

Namaste...

~Sarah

The " Lentiest Lent" #CoronavirusLife

For many Christians, this is The Lentiest Lent that we have ever Lented"  If there is any meme out there that describes this Coronavirus pandemic journey for we Christians, it is that one. To keep ourselves and others safe we are forced into an Extreme Lent. Everything we know has been turned Upside Down. 

Nothing is the same in our world, and it is damn scary. As people , we are seeking out new ways to be human-- to satisfy that longing for meaningful connections with others while maintaining the physical distance necessary that will stop the spreading of this virus. 

People such as myself and my spouse seek out places in Nature that have not been closed by the authorities in order to keep people from gathering in big groups. In addition to worshipping in person with my community, I { along with everyone else} have been forced to stay away from the healing Gulf waters and salt air of local beaches. Brian and I have used our knowledge of our city and surrounding area to find low-population places that have unspoiled Nature. 

My cousin's long-anticipated visit to the Gulf Coast was also put on hold until later this summer.  Pennsylvania, where she lives, is shut down, Delta has canceled all flights from the airport there and my cousin lives with a person who is vulnerable . 

For sure, this is the most extreme Lenten season of my life-- and I do not always handle the  restrictions well. Since these bans started coming into place I find myself waffling between quiet, hope-full resignation and outburst of extreme anger/ sadness/ frustration. This is the first Lenten season in my life where I've questioned the existence { in my very wort moments} of The loving God of Abraham and Sarah. In my dark moments, I cannot figure out why God sent this plague { Coronavirus} to smite humans and force others into physical isolation from loved ones. Why would a God that created Nature for humans to enjoy send a virus that makes it necessary to stay away from Nature and its healing { mind body, and soul} properties? 

During this extreme Lent I've understood how people-- after facing some tragedy or trauma, decide that God does not exist. It pans me to say it: but I see how a person can decide that God's Way isn't real. 

In my darkest moments I look to what I know is from God. 

Sharing coffee in the morning with my spouse. 

Taking the dog on a walk around the neighborhood & stopping to listen to the birds sing. 

Seeing a pretty native North Florida plant and snapping a photo to send to my botanist friend for identification. 

Chats with friends from around the nation via Facebook 

Anticipating the joy of seeing loved one's faces when a few of us from church meet on Zoom for Compline & check-in. 

yes, we are in a long, dark Lent. But I have faith that we'll see a glorious Resurrection -- in God's own time. Knowledge that this draconian, Upside Down existence is temporary helps me remain centered and is the string that keeps me believing in a loving God. 

Easter is coming. 

Amen.

~Sarah

Today I cried : #CoronavirusLife

 There is no doubt in my mind that it is necessary-- and an act of radical LOVE -- for people to distance ourselves physically until this virus is somewhat under control. However, there is no doubt that this sort of un-natural behavior is taking its toll on many people. 

 I've cussed , yelled, argued and pleaded with the Coronavirus outbreak. However, I managed to keep the tears away. 

Until today. 

My downfall was attending virtual Healing Mass online . there is something sad about two priests celebrating Mass in an empty chapel of a vibrant parish.  Even though physical distancing is the most loving act we can do for each other participating in Mass remotely is different.  The cameraperson did a great job , and I'd almost forgotten that I was worshipping remotely 

That is, until my two priests celebrated Communion. I'd started to cry when the prayers of consecration were being said, but I managed to hold my tears to a sniffle. Brian sat next to me and I really did not want to explain my tears to him. 

 I kept control of the waterworks  until my priests walked down the center aisle and saod " Christ's body, broken for you." "Christ's blood, shed for you." 

Yup...  water flowed at full force. 

Looking back, I think that I was FINALLY allowing myself to feel the effects of the temporary ban on being in community.  Online community building is wonderful, but some parts of life together cannot translate to the virtual world. The feeling of the Bread being pressed gently into my hand by a priest I love cannot be duplicated virtually. The smell of the wine in the chalice cannot translate over the internet. 

Dealing with this reality & the limitations therof hit me in the heart, soul and gut today. 

I cried. 

Tears are healing. 

Take care of yourself...

~Sarah

How #CoronavirusLife has changed me

Greetings to everyone!  I hope everyone is safe and staying sane during this outbreak. Much has changed and I find myself especially  missing my parish family during this outbreak. To be honest, it has been a challenge for me to wake every day and face this temporary " new normal" Brian and I are blessed with food shelter  and means in which we can keep in contact with our loved ones during this time of physical distancing. 

Brian and I spend a lot of time walking outdoors {we are staying away from people} I've re-discovered the Nature Trail at The University Of West Florida, and we make use of this beautiful walking trail often. Since the public beaches are closed, Brian and I are getting creative with finding ways to get the much-needed fresh air and sunshine. Prince Harry, our hound dog, enjoys the added early evening walk every day. 

Additionally, I've started posting a Facebook LIVE video each morning . I've discovered that this method helps me feel connected to people I love  I am really grateful for the opportunities online for worship & spiritual formation. Although I miss receiving Communion, knowing that both of our priests are at the altar consecrating the Body and Blood of Christ redefines " spiritual food for me. 

I miss everyone terribly, but I know that God has us all in God's hands and we'll see each other when this is over. Until then, remember that " Love Travels" 

~Sarah 

#CoronavirusLife Physical Distancing for an Ex-Shy Person

  The photo I chose for today is one of Brian and me attending Pensacola's Mardi Gras parade -- a mere week before COVID 19 hit the shores of the United States. We were so innocent then, feeling like we were invincible from the virus that ravaged other nations. 

  And now here we are. I'm stuck with limited physical contact with those whom I love , and it sucks. As much as I love my spouse, my soul longs for some good " girl-time "with some friends. 

  Florida isn't totally shut down yet, but I am anticipating news that we'll be the next state to have a " Stay at home order" Frankly, although I totally understand the necessity for such orders I not in a good mental place. 

  For most of my life, I've been pathologically shy. { YES!!! }  My shyness hit its all-time worst when I was in middle and high school--- after I had two spinal surgeries to correct severe scoliosis during the summer of seventh grade my mental health too a dive. 

  High school was hell. Although I played on sports teams, my shyness kept me from any sort of social life . Dating was totally out-of-the-question. I was so shy that I was the girl at the home football game who walked the parameter of the stadium alone.  Yup , in spite of my participation in sports, I surely was an outsider looking in on all the fun parts of teenaged life Prom? Didn't happen for me either year that I was eligible to attend. As a matter of fact, I did not go to my first dance with a date until a college Homecoming . I was twenty years old. 

   Loser? Yup, that was High School Sarah. 

  Had a pandemic such as the one we are living through hit during high school, I would be that kid who joyfully stayed home and did co-respondence work on an old Brother word-processor} I lived for " snow days", as staying at home meant that I would not subject myself to abuse from other girls in the restrooms and lonely lunchtimes. Staying home meant that I could read to my heart's content and not stress over my clothing. 

  Wow-- What a difference over a quarter-century makes. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm much more of an ambivert. I crave social time with people I like, and this physical-distancing has been hard on my psyche. Technology is wonderful, but NOTHING can replace shared meals with friends, worshipping together with the faith community & not washing my hands every few minutes at my parents' house { they are both " of age" & need to be careful}  As a matter of fact, I m hoping { providing that ZOOM is not overwhelmed with use} to join my faith community for Virtual Night Prayer this evening. 

  When I was younger, I'd beg God to take away my shyness. At middle-age, I'm learning that shyness is a trait that has its own merits. 

  Understanding why life must be this way for awhile does not cover my frustration, anger and sadness. I'm a ' people person" & I've worked hard over my adult life to overcome painful shyness. and living in isolation is not good for my mental health

  In Love...…..

 ~Sarah

#CoronavirusLife Virtual Worship Beach Closings & Wanderings

   Brian and I tried a new thing this morning. Since our Bishop ordered all in-person church events { including worship} suspended for now due to the COVID19 outbreak, we joined our clergy and other members of our parish family on Facebook Live this morning. 

It was GREAT to "see" faces and hear voices of loved ones. Even though I was sitting at my desk at home, I felt intimately connected to " my people". It was a nice respite from the grim reality that is life during a pandemic. I'm grateful for a community that is united in LOVE and for clergy & church staff who are committed to maintaining our real, rooted & relevant connections during this time away. 

Perhaps it is a nod to my Jewish heritage, but I feel like one of the Israelites-- wandering aimlessly away from a deadly foe. 

 Yet at the same time, I felt bitter sweet.  In the span of a week, this virus' outbreak has taken away so much of what I love-- I'm finding it hard to stay positive in this season of life. Daily I remind myself to " not borrow trouble" as society as I know it appears to fold into itself. This is a hard practice  when everything has changed. 

There are more closings daily-- and although I understand the need for such closings { some people just do not know when to heel advice that can saves lives!!}it is eerie for me to think about armed cops keeping people away from our beaches , and until Saturday the beach had been my safe ' thin place'. I'd not always been the { fairly} well-adjusted adult whom many people know-- and time { literally HOURS} soaking up sun and salt air was part of my healing. 

To be honest, I was taking this Coronavirus Life changes in stride until my beaches closed. That was the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back. 

Lately I find myself waffling between logic and fear/anger. 

I read a lot of dystopian literature, and the image that came to mind tonight is that of Suzanne Collins' _The Hunger Games_ trilogy. States closing their borders to outsiders-- all sorts of misinformation oozing from The Capitol , citizens hoarding food and supplies with no regard for others' needs. It is a part of humanity that is totally unfamiliar to me. 

I live day to day. We all do. 

Namaste,

~Sarah

What LOVE Looks Like Right Now...

                                          { Photo Credit not mine...}

LOVE, the agape love that we have for other people, takes many forms.

In this age of deadly viruses, LOVE looks empty. Love looks like empty restaurants, coffee shops bars, movie theatre concert halls, sports arenas, and houses of worship.

I do miss sports events on TV. Brian and I have tickets to see _Celtic Woman_ at the theatre downtown in April that now is on hold until 2021. We do not eat at restaurants often, but I miss the option of doing so if we want to celebrate one of life's little victories. My cousin is due for a Florida visit in two weeks--- and there is  real possibility that a shutdown in the State of Pennsylvania might keep her home. Authorities are closing our area Gulf-side beaches -- due to Coronavirus & the unwillingness of the Spring Break crowd to practice safe physical distancing.

Frankly, I am angry and sad. While I know that these restrictions are necessary, it is amazing to see how much of my ' boring' life I took for granted.

I will never take for granted the power of  simple handshake or a big hug.  Until it was outlawed, I never realized how much I communicate with others via touch. The Coronavirus threat keeps me from greeting even my parents with a hug.

I've never been a fan of college ' Spring beak' { to me it is a foolish waste of time & money}. and recently I learned of the closure of all the public beaches in Escambia County, Florida { where I live}  I am saddened, but not surprised at this news. Since the Spring Break crowd refuses to heed the new beach rules, I understand why the county commission voted to take action as they did to keep people safe. I understand, but I hate that the sanctuary of a Gulf-side beach is taken from me.

Thankfully, Brian and I know of some waterfront areas that are not known to tourists. 

For me, the  saddest & most profound image of Love During the Time of Coronavirus is the image of the empty nave of my home church. I feel sad because "church" for me is much more than meeting for worship on Sundays { although weekly worship IS important. } the image of Love as An Empty Church strikes me because " church" is the COMMUNITY who meet there.  It hurts me to be away from these whom I love--- but I know that physical { not social} distancing in required to fight the spread of the virus.

. I know all these restrictions and closings are necessary to fight the spread of this virus, but honestly I am struggling to find where faith in a Loving Creator fits into Coronavirus Life.

I hope you have more peace than I find right now...because right now LOVE looks damn lonely.

~Sarah

Continueing living a J.O.Y.-Filled life in the midst of uncertain times.

 This morning, our rector's homily in the virtual Mass celebrated and broadcast on Facebook Live today really struck a chord with me My rector advised all of us  participating in worship via the computer that Christians are supposed to live life in a different way than perhaps other groups of people. As Christ-followers, our identity is rooted in the teachings of a Jewish rabbi who came to teach humans how to live in community. 

My priest suggested that we remember the acronym  J.O.Y 

Jesus

Others

Yourself 

No matter what a person believes or does not believe about Him, one Jesus of Nazareth changed the world. He showed we humans a Way of Love. As humankind finds ourselves in a health crisis , it behooves we who follow this certain Jewish rabbi's teachings to live in a spirit of LOVE. 

Yes, the most loving act we can do for each other is stay physically apart. Yet that does not mean that we shut our hearts away from the needs of others. In times such as these, it is easy to let fear-- fear based on science-- rule our behavior towards others. This fear-based selfishness is evident in stories of people everywhere stockpiling toilet paper { again, WHY???}  as well as weapons.  While uncertain times do call for preparation, the need for some people to revert to only thinking of " myself and my household" scares and saddens me. 

ESPECIALLY when love for others directs us to stay away, love also looks like buying only what you need of supplies such as bread, cleaning supplies, milk and canned goods. People are also acting ugly online and violence against Asian-Americans has escalated. 

Is this living J.O.Y-fully? 

There is no doubt, our task to put Jesus, and therefore other people, ahead of ourselves is difficult. 

Those of us who listen to Jesus' teachings should , by default, put others first. Service to others is central to Jesus' life and teachings. Now I was not alive when He walked the Earth, but somehow I do not think that people hoarding butt tissue would be okay with Him. After all, we Christians are taught stories of this Jesus miraculously feeding the masses of people with a basketful of food.  Additionally, He also saved the day at a big wedding by changing water into much-needed wine. 

In times of crisis-- especially when the crisis mandates that we stay physically apart from one another, it is essential that we live according to J.O.Y. 

Be kind

~Sarah

An Ambivert's Lament & My " God's Box"

Believe it or not, for the first three decades of my life, I was terribly shy . { Stop laughing!} Honestly, it was all I could do to do the basic " adulting" tasks

With God's help, and by first finding " my person, and then joining " my people in Pensacola, I've evolved from a true introvert to much more of an ambivert.

For clarity; the definition of Ambivert is: 

NOUN

psychology

1. a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features

After spending most of my life as a shy introvert, I've only recently started to bloom.  So, while I understand the necessity of social distancing during this time, it saddens and frustrates me.

 Is the sacrifice worth it to save lives: ABSOLUTELY . 

Does this mean that I have to pretend that I am okay with missing my people during this time? No.  As much as I love Brian--- I long to mix with others, too.  Even though we don't have the finances to eat at downtown restaurants on Gallery Night, I miss strolling downtown on those Fridays and looking at all the people. The fact that I won't be able to attend in-person Mass with my people on Sundays is something that really hurts. 

We are blessed to live in an age where technology allows us to maintain social contact while remaining physically distant. But honestly, I miss hugs and handshakes.  I miss fellowship over a shared meal at church. 

My priest once offered some excellent advice for a sensitive " feeler" such as myself to deal with * stuff* that the world throws at me in a healthy manner. She suggested that I acknowledge my fears, anxieties, ect over what happens,  name the emotions, then place the entire situation in " God's Box"  This practice works, although it takes some intentionality to become a habit.   

Remembering to use the " God's Box" is hard, but a good life skill that I've practiced a lot in the past three months. Two deaths in the family and one Coronavirus has tested the capacity of my God's Box"  But true to form, it has nether overflowed nor broken under the weight of the contents. 

For me, maintaining some sort of connection to people I love is essential.  

For instance, last night I called two people in my life who literally helped my parents raise me. They live in { far Eastern & near Pittsburgh} Ohio where the governor has literally shut down the state. I'd  neglected my relationship-maintaining with them since before Christmas, due to The Worst January In My Life, so it felt good to connect with them via phone.   

The former Sarah would probably thrive in social and physical isolation.  But the Sarah whom you know will seek ways to maintain connections with loved ones, both here in Pensacola and the Pittsburgh-Area Beloveds  Honestly, I like myself now that I identify as more than an ambivert rather than a true introvert  People I love  give me positive energy, and there are many more of those people in my life now. 

I am NOT alone and neither are you. 

Peace

~Sarah

" Physical Distancing" as an act of radical LOVE

 Lately I have seen some comments online about people who are " pissed" that " the government isn't telling me what to do"  regarding Coronavirus. This angers me, as someone who is married to someone who is in that high-risk population { older, recently undergone cancer treatment} . I may be a healthy 40-something person, but I have a responsibility to my spouse and others I love to limit physical visits. 

It is necessary. Hospitals cannot support rises in patients who need breathing aides.  So, we follow the examples of our good leaders and stay at home . 

To be honest, my heart is saddened by all this required " physical distancing". { I prefer that term to the more-often-used term " social distancing" as we human can and should use technology to satisfy our innate social needs.   Right it is imperative to limit physical contact with others , especially people not know to us, but the Internet gives us many ways to socialize  Humans are social creatures, and we are blessed to live in a time where we CAN communicate virtually. 

Today Brian and I enjoyed a beach morning at a fairly empty slice of Florida's beautiful Gulf coast We arrived early, and left when the beach began to crowd around us. Brian and I are early beach-goers anyway, so we know that we can get a couple hours of sun and sand before we feel the need to withdraw from the public. 

A few surfers and people fishing were the only others humans on the beach with us. The water was COLD but clear and calm and we smelled the salt air as we walked down the beach. I felt the sun on my skin and the sand sink between my toes.   I even found some pretty sea shells. 

Brian and I are blessed that we live in a part of the world , and we are also grateful that both of us possess healthy lungs. Due to his recent cancer treatment, my spouse is still considered high-risk.  We have tickets to see _Celtic Woman_, and recently I learned that the show is postponed until next year.  Of course I am disappointed, but I understand the need to not host large gatherings of people right now. Additionally, the old theatre where the show was planned  is a large , older building with poor ventilation. 

Now is not the time for huge gatherings of people, and I do not understand how some people cannot see past the end of their nose on this issue. While I am a huge fan of individual rights-- there are times when it is necessary to give up some of our own liberties for the greater good. This is such a time: people's lives depend on everyone practicing some sort of " physical distancing".  Make use of the technology that is available for use.

As my Bishop said, we are all in this together, and we'll get through this outbreak with our communities intact. 

We shall continue to love each other, and Christians will continue to BE the Hands & Feet of God . Our work will just be different for the time being 

In the Name of the Holy Three,

~Sarah

COVID19 Life and _Stranger Things_

 Honestly, the world keeps getting stranger daily.  I self-sequester from all TV news media-- as I am very sensitive to the fact that " news" in America is a for-profit business. 

 I'm looking at YOU, Sinclair-owned Channel 3 Pensacola! 

 This new virus is not like anything that I have experienced in my four decades of life on earth. { okay-- four decades plus some  change, but you know what I mean}  Empty streets, people staying across the rooms from each other. No handshakes or hugs. Disinfectant supplies everywhere and butt tissue becoming scarce. 

Can ANYONE tell me why toilet paper is such a precious commodity now? I would understand if this virus affected the intestinal tract, but it is a respiratory virus. Kleenex, if any paper product, should be the  one over which people fight. But no---- we are all literally concerned about our assholes. 

Pardon my language-- I am having a hard time adjusting to this Upside Down world. Plus, I feel anger towards the politicians in DC whose negligence paved the way for this virus to hit our shores. This negligence is not the fault of one party-- in my opinion ALL the DC politicians are guilty of only caring about re-election . 

Speaking of " Upside down" I feel as though we are living in some twisted Stephen King horror show-- something with a plot akin to Netfix's _Stranger Things_.  

To me, living in a pandemic is similar to how the portal to " the Upside Down"  activated The Mind Flayer. In reality, our  Mind Flayer is a microscopic bug. However like its fictional monster counterpart, COVID19 is unpredictable and deadly. People are terrified of it , and the government doesn't know how to stop it.  

Downtown is empty. Sports arenas cancelled their remaining contests for this season. People are sequestering themselves in their homes.  In spite of all this " social distancing" this monster virus is still running wild. 

Yup, I feel like we are trapped in our own version of "The Upside Down"  We are fighting something new-- for which there is not a protocol. People are scared, and scared people often do unkind, irrational behaviors { like buying all the butt tissue at Costco}

However, I do see some good works by people during this time in The Upside Down.  Feeding stations for school children are being set up so that children can get fed during the public school closure. Regarding higher education,  the University Of West Florida did not kick students out of dorms.  While classes shall be online-only for some weeks and students are encouraged to go home,  the dorms will be open for students who cannot get home. 

Protecting ourselves during this time is essential. Yet we need to be mindful of others & their needs. Everyone needs to use our God-given free will to make choices that benefit ourselves and others. We are not stranded in this Upside Down World alone. 

Stay safe...

~Sarah

A Walk In The Woods

 Brian and I walks the Edward Ball Nature Trail this morning on the campus of my alma mater, The University Of West Florida.  The HUGE campus, over four square miles in size, is home to a beautiful nature preserve that is used both by academia and the Pensacola-area public.  Since my Best Dude and I are trying to avoid crowded public places, a walk in the woods on the abandoned UWF campus was a nice way to spend the morning outside. 

I realize that some social isolation is necessary during these uncertain times. However, when the weather is pleasant I WILL NOT sequester myself indoors. The Pensacola area is blessed with many outdoor recreation places that are nearly empty on weekdays { especially weekday mornings} . Nature reminds me, especially during this pandemic, that I am, after all alive. 

Living under the threat of Coronavirus is like living in a Young Adult dystopian novel.  The enemy is deadly and unseen, and so far is unstoppable. To me, fear is all the more reason to find connection in Nature { while being extremely careful and thorough about washing hands}

Brian took this photo of me on the trail this morning. As usual, I am in my element when I can go outside. 

What scares me the most about this isolation that we are forced into due to this bug is that I'll lose a sense of myself.  I've only been " quarantines" once in my life and it was during and after my 21 day stay in Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh for two major spinal surgeries. { I was 12 years old} Since the two surgeries left me weak and medically fragile, I spent the entire summer between my sixth and seventh-grade year quarantined indoors. People could come visit me {a few at a time} but I could not go anywhere or participate fully in life . 

I'm grateful now that I am healthy enough for enjoying the outdoors near my home with my spouse. Brian and I also chuckled at this sign: 

Um, REALLY? People need a written reminder that alligators and snakes live in FLORIDA?!  Oy, vey. But then, these are probably the same individuals who believe that the Coronavirus is a hoax. ***Does a face palm***

Be safe , stay connected, and don't forget that we are all part of this beautiful Earth. I am glad I live in an area with so many green sanctuaries. 

Namaste 

~Sarah

The " New Normal"

Friends, we are living in scary times.  While I understand the reasons for, and will calmly comply with " virus-proofing" norms, I will say that it breaks my heart to see society fall further into isolation.  Of course I understand that we all must take preventative measures to protect everyone{ especially our most vulnerable loved ones} from this outbreak of Coronavirus.

My head-- that rational brain with which God has gifted humanity-- knows that such modifications are essential to everyone's safety. But honestly, my heart hurts from knowing that safety means that we tread lightly even among our beloveds.

As a matter of fact, this " new normal" has been in effect in our American society even before the creation of the COVID 19 virus in China.

People, with legitimate concern for personal safety, are figuratively and literally looking behind our shoulders. School, work, shopping, recreation and { saddest of all} worship  centers all have had outbreaks of gun violence. Instances of hate speech have risen in communities where there are large populations of Jewish, Hispanic , and Black Americans.

To me, the pandemic that holds our nation in its grip is not merely the Coronavirus. I see the pandemic of this virus in the USA as yet another layer to the list of " illnesses" that have struck society within the last few years.

As an American Christian with proud Ashkenazi roots, I'd never thought I'd worry about the safety of my sister and fellow Pensacolians who are Jewish on each Shabbat .   Until recently, I'd not given much thought that my very Celtic looks { from my father's DNA}  allow me for a level of safety that my Mom and her kin do not enjoy.

It seems like The New Normal is fear, and fear does not sit well with me. As someone who is a " feeler , a textbook INFJ , I pick up on the general temperature of the people around me. Daily I do my best to follow the advice of a wise person , and "Observe, don't absorb. "  I acknowledge what I sense, and then gently put it aside if there is nothing I can do to solve the problem.  Since the outbreak of the COVID 19 virus in the USA, I've discovered that I need more time alone { well, after all, I AM introverted } to quietly acknowledge and then put aside the anxiety I feel regarding that which I cannot directly control.

It is damn hard to do this daily, and I find that walks in Nature help me add more balance to my inner life. We are blessed to live in one of the prettiest places on Earth and now that the days are longer I am outside more.

These are tough times, but I must remember that I am part of a species that is resilient. Nevertheless, persist. Be safe, but persist. Stay resilient , the world needs more Light. #AdviceToMyself

Amen,

~Sarah

Springtime, At Last { Or _A Seasonal Depressive Person Emerges from the Darkness}

My name is Sarah and I suffer from Major Depressive Illness. Furthermore, my illness is more apparent during the cold DARK months between November-February. I may live in { northwest} Florida, but we do experience winter here . Granted, my depression isn't nearly as horrid during the dark months since I've lived here but winter= Seasonal Affective Depression. 

Honestly, my spouse is on the fast track to sainthood for putting up with me for every winter for the eleven years we've been together. I know damn well that I am not easy to deal with during an episode of depression, and thankfully Brian and I did not get together until after  my psychiatrist discovered the correct combination of brain medications that work for me. 

As anyone who either suffers from or loves someone who suffers from a mental illness can tell you, meds do not " cure" the illness.  Medication, with talk therapy { when needed} and  good support system are essential for me to thrive.  I am not in therapy now, but there have been several instances in my life that found me in therapy & I want to say that there is no shame in asking for help 

Holidays can be especially hard on those of us with seasonal depression. As much as we want to enjoy this time of year-- doing so requires a huge effort that often leaves me exhausted.  I'm not adept at hiding my mental state-- although therapy has taught me a few tricks that make my depressed self socially-acceptable. faking it really sucks, but sometimes I can fool my brain into actually enjoying holiday events. 

Additionally, I am also empathic, so I can " sense" others' emotional energy. If I am not careful, I can become incapacitated with my own depression & others psychic crap. When this occurs  I am not good for anyone, especially myself. 

As the days get longer , I notice that the quality of my mood is much better. Daylight savings time is a huge pain in the ass for my sleep schedule, but once I ajust , I feel much better with longer hours of daylight. January is my worst month, made even more terrible by the death of both my brother-in-law & my sister-in-law. { within ten days of each other} this year. 

To combat my winter depression, I do my best to get outdoors daily. Sometimes the humid cold { and the wet } weather in Northwest Florida makes spending quality time outdoors a challenge. But I do  notice that days that include long walks  outdoors or { better yet} beach time soothes me. I also find that petting dogs { or cats, but I prefer dogs} helps me when I am in the throes of Winter Depression. Our hound, " Prince Harry" is more than willing to be my balm on dark days. 

Society still refused to have honest conversations about mental illness. Our reluctance to bring mental health into the light as a legitimate health problem is literally killing people. Medications are available  to help with conditions like mine, but many people cannot even begin to afford psychotropic drugs. Men, especially, fear asking for mental health help-- and I see the culture of toxic masculinity as  being a catalyst  to this problem.  Mental illnesses, including Major Depressive Disorder, cross gender, racial, and socio-economic  boundaries. I am one of the lucky patients , and for the help I get I give thanks. 

Be kind,

Sarah

Kick in the pants for writing: Northern Appalachian Literature

I've recently received a metaphorical " kick in the pants" to actually write something for submission to a literary journal. As I was browsing Facebook last evening, I saw a post from my cousin regarding a call for literary & scholarly papers for The Northern Appalachia Review,  an anthology of works from writers in & from the Northern Appalachian region. 

The counties in western Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio & the West Virginia Panhandle definitely  are considered part of Northern Appalachia. 

It is true that most cultural studies of Appalachia and its people focus on the southern states-- especially southern WV, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia and North Carolina. However, there is a whole Appalachian culture in the counties north of the Mason-Dixon Line that is underrepresented in both popular culture and scholarly/literary work. 

I've not lived in the region of my birth for over twenty years, but the area is deeply embedded within my essence. Pensacola is home for me, but I cannot and wish to not forget my roots in Northern Appalachia. 

The piece that I shall submit is a fictionalized account of a person's ride from the Pittsburgh Airport to her aunt & uncle's place in the Appalachians of Eastern Ohio. My character shall tell her story via mostly an internal monologue, with some dialogue with her aunt and cousin as they ride together in the car. There may or may not be some flashbacks of her Appalachian childhood. 

Wish me good luck-- and please hold me accountable to finish this piece. 

Be well,

Sarah

#WomensHERstory Month: Mariska Hargitay

                                        {Photo Courtesy of People Magazine} 

Dun Dun

It is March, and in honor of Women's History { herstory?} Month, I will honor women who have impacted me. I've been blessed with knowing, and looking up to many amazing, accomplished women in my over-40 years of life on Earth .

The first woman I want to mention this month is an actor. She is unusual in the fact that actors and other showbiz types are people to whom I do not look to emulate.  I like mass entertainment as much as the next person, and I drool at all the Beautiful People of Hollywood, but Mariska is unique in that I respect the work she has done outside of her on-camera role. 

Playing " Olivia Benson" on TV's police procedural _Law and Order: Special Victims' Unit_, Mariska gets a lot of mail from fans.  However, some letters affected the actress more profoundly. 

"When Mariska Hargitay started playing Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims’ Unit, the content of the scripts, as well as the work she did to prepare for the role, opened her eyes to the staggering statistics about sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse in the United States. She received hundreds, then thousands of letters and emails from survivors disclosing their stories of abuse, many for the first time. She wanted to answer—really answer—those letters, to address the suffering they described, and honor acts of courage they represented. 

Her response was to create the Joyful Heart Foundation. "  

{Source:   www.joyfulheartfoundation.org. }

 I admire Mariska for her ability to see the impact that her work on _SVU_ was impacting people enough to get people talking about issues surrounding rape, intimate partner violence, the problem of the back-log of rape kits, missing children, and other issues.  

By playing the role of " Olivia Benson" on television, Ms  Hargitay provided an venue for victims to share their stories. Furthermore, she believed them and used her fame and money to  start  a nonprofit organization that sheds light on the problems of violence against women and other vulnerable people. 

Regarding advocacy, Mariska Hargitay is an example of someone " putting her money where her mouth is" . She saw the need for a nationwide conversation about assault. 

Mariska Hargitay is not only beautiful, but smart and compassionate as well.  I wish more people in Hollywood would follow the example she sets both on-screen and in life. To be honest, there are not many famous women whom I really want to meet, but I'd be thrilled to meet Mariska Hargitay. 

With a joy-full heart,

~Sarah

Rules Of The Road: A Guide for Living Life Well

  ***********      DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A " POLITICAL" ESSAY !  **************

  Last evening, I learned that my favorite hopeful for President in 2020 had suspended his campaign.  Don't worry, I am honoring my promise to my readers & social media followers to stay away from politics.

  However, I just want to take time tonight to review Pete's " Rules of the Road"

  Here they are:
~Respect
~Belonging
~Truth
~Teamwork
~Boldness
~Responsibility
~Substance
~Discipline
~Excellence
~ Joy

These qualities , listed together, are a simple way that we ALL { regardless of politics } can live better. During Lent, many Christians pause to turn back towards the promises made at our baptism,  incorporating practices that help us " live wet" and become closer to the One  Who created us.  We are loved by a loving Creator regardless, but responding to that Great Love should be living life  as the best possible version of ourselves.

  During these first few days of Lent, 2020, I find these Rules of the Road to be more than a campaign slogan.  If all people did our best to apply these qualities to our own daily life, the world would be a kinder , gentler place.  As I am reminded often, " Life is A Team Sport" & humans are meant to live together in community.  The Rules of the Road  reflect a part of Jesus' teachings that should be the backbone of every person's ethos.

  In The Gospel of Luke { Chapter 6 , verse 31} Jesus says:

 "Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them."

  All people-regardless of who they are, where they live, age, social class, gender, ect-- want to be treated well.  These Rules of the Road"  are a quick and handy way to summarize  The Golden Rule. 

~Respect-
~Belonging
~Truth
~Teamwork
~Boldness
~Responsibility
~Substance
~Discipline
~Excellence

~ Joy 

  Maybe I am overly hopeful, but perhaps we The Way Of Love can be further expounded by the qualities of The Rules of the Road.   All I can do is strive daily to do my best to " live wet" and embody the qualities that I admire in other leaders who exhibit the same qualities as these Rules of the Road. 

 Additionally, it is my responsibility  to BE that sort of leader-- to do my best daily to live a life that reflects my values. 

 Dr Judy Bense, a Professor Of Anthropology at The University Of West Florida, offered her own take on  Rules of The Road at the 2020 Women In Leadership Conference on Friday. 

  Dr Bense's tagline was Grit and Grace. 

  G - Give it your all { 100 percent effort}

  R-  Re-do , f necessary { don't be afraid to fail} 

  I -   Ignore the pull to give up when work gets hard 

  T -  Take time to do things right. 

  Work hard, don't be afraid to fail. Love others as the Creator loves you. Take calculated, well-thought-out risks. 

  Be that Light in the Darkness. 

  Namaste ,

  ~Sarah