#AdventWord #Obedience

                                       The #cross entrusted to me when I was admitted to The Order of The Daughters of The King back in August 

Today's word is Obedience. 

As someone who was a hell-raiser and rule-breaker for most of my life, this word is an odd one for me to appreciate. 

One of the blessings with ageing is that one really starts to lean into a more mature, settled life. And one's faith journey usually reflects what happens in one's biography. 

 For those who want to know exactly what The Order of the Daughters of the King is, here is their Web site for more detailed information on our Order. 

https://www.doknational.org/default.aspx

Membership is open to woman and girls in the Episcopal, Lutheran, and Roman Catholic Christian traditions.  In a nutshell, here is what we are about. We are an Order, NOT an organization. 

Order vs. Organization

A Christian order is a community of men or women living under a religious rule. Because Daughters of the King accept a Rule of Life, we define ourselves as an order, not an organization. Our community is found primarily in our local chapters, but it extends around the world.

We don’t just enroll as members and attend meetings. After a three-month period of study and discernment, each new member takes vows to uphold the two Rules of The Order, the Rule of Prayer and the Rule of Service. { source DOK National Website }

As a Daughter, I took solemn vows in front of my priests, our congregation, and other Daughters to do my best to follow my Rule of Life, the Order's Rule of Prayer and Rule of Service. 

The cross I wear daily{and is worn by every other active Daughter around the world} reminds me that I took vows that need to be obeyed. Do I mess up in totally fulfilling my Rule of Life every day. No! I'll be the first to tell you that some days it is impossible for me to obey the tenants of my vows.

We cannot do all things. And we cannot do more than we can at any moment. God knows this, and God loves us anyway. 

Praying is hard on some days. I pray every day-- often several times per day. As I've matured I realized that most of the sincere praying I do does not employ words. 

Regarding service to others, I am grateful that my chapter is full of wise, faithful servants who show me daily how to put others' first. 

What I can do, I ought to do. What I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do.

~ parts of The Motto of The Order

Daughters { a.k.a DOK} are called to both pray for/with our priests and help them with whatever they might need. This also means { at least to me} that we trust our priests especially when we might not agree with a decision they might make for the parish. 

Again, we are called to obey our clergy and to trust in their pastoral and administrative wisdom. 

I am thankful for The Order of The Daughters of the King, especially my chapter. I'm grateful for the life of prayer, service and evangelism that my vows lead me towards every day. 

I'm thankful that my vows as a " DOK" came at a time when I was open and ready to think about obedience as part of a faith-full Christian Walk. 

Amen

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Advent 4 2022

 

Piano Playing As Contemplation

                                      My Facebook contacts are probably sick of this photo. But to me it is more than a practice area {our house is too small for a " music room"}, it is a place where I can find peace. Photo by me. 

I'm middle-aged and deal with challenges associated with a birth injury. I was delivered with forceps, a tool they used in the 1970's for ' assisted birth'. Rather order an emergency C-section, the doctors used what look like huge kitchen tongs to pull Newborn Sarah headfirst into the world. 

 Seriously, who decided that pulling a newborn from its mother's body with damn kitchen tongs was safe? 

 I'm one of the more fortunate people who were pulled into the world in this manner, but my birth left me with some deficiencies. 

 I cannot safely ride a bicycle.

Nor can I safely drive, as my right and left feet do not cooperate in a safe way on the floor pedals {and I really do not want to talk about the occupational therapist's report after they did their best to help me drive.} I want to drive, I physically cannot. 

 Learning to type in high school was hellish. Thankfully, I devised my own weird system for typing. It isn't what Mrs. C unsuccessfully tried to make me learn, but I can type. 

At the age of " approaching 50 in a few years" I am learning to play the piano.  

 For this opportunity I am blessed. 

As a clumsy child, I'd always wished for piano lessons.  Sadly, my physical challenges made teachers and other adults in my life mark me as not musically inclined. 

I did sing in choirs from first grade until now, and that experience provided me with a very basic understanding of music theory. I'm starting with the basics of piano, hand placement, finding notes, and running through simple exercises that help me both learn notation and work out the brain-hands pathway. 

The physical aspects of learning piano do not come easy for me. My fingers sometimes slip and play the wrong note. Rather than get frustrated because I made a mistake, I play the same measure again-- slower and with intention. 

All of us could slow down and be intentional for half an hour each day. Piano practice teaches me to really slow down and be present in the moment. 

I've discovered that playing the piano puts me into a contemplative mindset. When I focus on playing music-- playing music for music's sake-- my brain concentrates on the task at hand and leaves all the inner noise outside. At practice-- it is just myself, the music and my Creator. It is a lovely gift that I give to myself every morning. As an added bonus, my electric keyboard has headphones, so Brian does not listen to my mistakes. 

I've no delusions about being a great pianist. Oddly enough, removing that pressure to be " the best" at music leaves room for me to enjoy the learning process. 

At midlife I am learning something that I have wanted to learn. 

I'm finding a contemplative peace in the process. 

I'm doing something people told me I could never do. 

I am making music. 

Sarah Beth:1 Doubters:0 

Namaste....

Sarah Beth McCarren 

12/16/22

Advent 4
 

#AdventWord #Rain

Today's #AdventWord is #Rain. 

Rain is necessary. But to be honest, due to some skeletal problems and some PTSD from surviving a major named storm, I am not a fan of rain. Pressure systems that usually bring rain make my nerve pain worse, and big rains trigger memories of IVAN. 

I do not like rain. 

Yet without rain, Earth could not sustain life. 

Rain is essential. 

As much as I really dislike rain, I am thankful that there is plenty of rain {relatively speaking} where I live. Much of the world suffers from inadequate rainfall, and the results are horrible. 

Creator God, I thank You for rain . I also thank You that I have a safe home in which to stay dry. My prayer is that the parts of the world that are suffering droughts now may see more rain in 2023. 

In Jesus Name... Amen 

Sarah Beth McCarren 
 

#AdventWord #Make

                                             A selfie of my left hand playing some exercises on the keyboard. 

 Today's Advent Word is #Make . 

I started a new adventure in this Liturgical New Years. On Tuesday afternoon I had my first piano lesson as an adult. I'd tried to play the piano as a child-- but that endeavor lasted briefly due to the fact that I'm terrible with fine motor skills. A traumatic brain injury I sustained at birth left me with two halves {hemispheres} of my brain that do not like to " talk" to one another. 

 I've managed to work with my limitations, but there are some parts of life that I simply cannot do with my stubborn brain hemispheres that do not like each other much.  

My piano teacher specializes in helping students who, like me, can benefit physically from playing the piano. The goal for me to be a top-notch pianist-- that just is not literally how I am wired.  But #making music for the sake of healing, and for the making of making beautiful music {no matter how simple} because to do so brings joy. 

I had always wanted to play the piano but felt for 40 years that would never happen due to my brain difference. At age 46, I AM learning to play the piano-- and feeling comfortable with the fact that I will never be good. I'm making music that will help connect some neurons and bring joy to my soul. 

We humans are designed to be co-creators with our Creator. Our brains-- and our souls-- yearn to create beauty. Art is not just for the most gifted among us.  This is why I am such a huge supporter of arts in education-- we are created to create.  People, and especially young people whose brains are still developing, need time, space and places to make art.

Art, including visual, and performance arts, is essential. 

Making art connects us to ourselves, our communities, and our Creator. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

#AdventWord #Mountains

                      Me on a trail somewhere in Western North Carolina. Photo by Brian

Today's word is MOUTAINS. 

Life is a series of mountaintop and deep valley experiences. 

There is no doubt in my mind that most of us have seen more than our share of " valley time" during the past few years. A global pandemic, a contested election, a near coup of our government, too much gun violence to name, and now the scary situation in Ukraine weighs heavy on our collective hearts. 

 Many of us also have gone through our own valleys. Illness {or illness of a loved one.}Death.  The end of a marriage. The loss of a relationship. Retirement or unemployment. Financial stress. School stress. Any one of these situations can bring our hearts to a deep " valley." 

There is no way around it-- there are times that we find ourselves in the valley looking up at the mountains-- wishing and praying that we could be there, too. 

The good news for we Christ-followers is that each year brings a promise of HOPE. The sacred stories that we read and hear during advent remind us how Creator Adonai loves we human so much that They {Creator God} brought Themself {somehow} down from the Eternal Mountains to Earth. the Creator of all chose to come live among us-- to arrive on earth as a tiny human. God-As-Human chose to come at a time in history that was fraught with political unrest and racial distrust.  They chose to grow into a Jewish rabbi living in occupied Roman territory. 

He/They, the Person of Jesus Christ, is LOVE incarnate. Rather than staying on the mountain, God joined us here in all our human messiness. 

That, friends, is LOVE. 

Our Creator God understands our mountains and valleys, as Jesus lived these same situations. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

 
 

#AdventWord #Teach

                                          My little scientist, proudly holding a cup of Atomic Pee {don't ask} that she made with the chemistry set. 

Today's Advent word is #TEACH. 

During our Thanksgiving break, I got to spend some one-on-one time with my niece, " L" .  In addition to making art { which is our go-to activity for Auntie- Niece Time} we had some messy, gooey fun using a chemistry set that was called _ Gross Chemistry Set_. 

My nephew was entrenched in World Cup Soccer, but L {not the sports fan} was eager to explore the contents of the Gross Chemistry Set. I, being weary of sports on TV, was more than willing to join L in the makeshift chemistry lab in the basement. 

It was so much fun!

I'm grateful for this time to #teach, by example that two female persons can explore science together. While I am a HUGE proponent of arts' education--- I also know that STEM is equally important. As a person who was a child in the 1980's I remember being shifted away from things like chemistry sets, building sets {such as Erector sets, which thankfully my brother owned at home} 

Thank God for progressive parents who let us read and play with anything within reason when we were growing up. I played with Erector Sets. My brother played with dolls. We are both well-rounded adults. 

By spending quality time with my niece engaging in science, I showed her that " girls"  also can enjoy STEM-related activities.

Little people are watching and listening. Teach them that toys such as chemistry sets and baby dolls are for all children. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

#Adventword #Together

 

#AdventWord #together .

Today's devotional is a photo. Brian and I just returned from a wonderful Thanksgiving at my brother & sister-in-law's home in Atlanta.

This photo says a lot about what the Advent/ Christmastide season means to me: Bringing people TOGETHER. We were a motley crew of people of different ages, ethnicities, & experiences who came together from all over the southern USA to " break bread" with kin.

I give thanks that my family is a literal picture of what it means for Americans to come together as members of the Human Family.

My priest, the Reverend Colonel Susan+ Sowers { US Army} mentioned in her sermon yesterday about how Buffalo residents-- after the tragedy in their city-- came TOGETHER to #ChooseLove , one city, one very diverse population. During the Thanksgiving football game, the Bills' helmets added a sticker that said, " Choose Love". I'm grateful that my family represents the best of what it means to be Americans.

We are all individuals, and that is important. However, coming together-- as a family, a faith community, or as a nation to break bread is essential.

Amen

Sarah Beth

#AdventWord #Walk A Letter to Someone in Heaven

 

Dear Doc:

Today is the first Sunday of Advent, 2022. Brian and I just came home from an incredible family weekend in Atlanta. I'm reminded of two things 1} You always said that Thanksgiving was your very favorite holiday. 2} You shared with me how much you loved Advent-- even though you faithfully served a church in a Christian tradition that does not observe Advent. 

Today's Advent Word is WALK

I'm remined of how you and I walked through life together for twenty-two years. I'd open my email and see at least one long email chain discussion between us. 

Even now: there are so many times when I want to share news by starting an e-mail with " Dear Doc". For instance, The University Of West Florida football team won their playoff game in a BIG fourth-quarter comeback. If you were still walking this Earth with me, we'd have a UWF football thread every week of the season!

When I stumbled during my walk with Christ, you were there to help me regain my footing. You were the best teacher of " life-lessons" that I ever knew. You were humble enough to know that you had more to learn, and that is why I respected you. 

You never judged me-- even when we had some clear disagreements. We walked together, but you were wise enough to let me figure out where MY Christian walk would take me. 

You were, and still are that Christian Wise Elder {though your soul never aged} 

You were more than a former college choir director; you were my walking companion for over two decades. During those years, we both walked each other through some joyous and sad things. I knew I could count on you to be a wise presence in my life, and I hope that I brought a different perspective to your life. 

You walked me through my entire time at The University of West Florida. I'm especially fond of that summer term that I spent on campus: you'd take me to lunch on Wednesdays after we both finished with school for the day 

You played for my college commencement I know you were scheduled to do so, but it meant the world to me that you were there when I walked across that podium. 

You played for my wedding and refused to take any money. As I walked with Brian down the aisle, I looked up and smiled as you played 'Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee' on the organ. 

I'm glad I was gifted the short time I had with you during those last weeks of your Earthly walk. In my mind's eye, you are still the beautiful, talented " Doc" Lynne whom I met at UWF all those years ago. The walk we shared together between our first meeting in the Rehearsal Hall at UWF and my last visit with you in your home are some of the best years of my life. 

I love you and miss you, Doc. I pray my walk on Earth going forward is a credit to your memory. 

Love

Sarah

Standing WITH the Victims and Community of Club Q

 

Again, I ask the question " How long, how long, how long must we sing this song?" ~U2

Another senseless hate crime that resulted in the deaths of 5 innocent people and injuring many others. 

People who were murdered for being their authentic selves. 

Innocent people murdered on a night that was supposed to be fun. 

Once again, hatred has toxified another space where LGBTQ+ people should feel safe. 

Once again, Americans reap what we've sowed for the past few years. 

I'm tired, y'all. Furthermore, I'm pissed off. 

I do all the things. I vote. I do my best to be an agent of hope and peace for all Americans. {yes, even those who insist on supporting hatred. }

All I can do is stand with people affected by this hate crime, both in Colorado Springs and here in Pensacola. I wish I could do more, but I am but one person with finite resources. 

As a Christian, I'm disgusted by how the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, Himself a victim of state violence, to justify hatred of minorities. They forget that Jesus was a Jew in occupied Roman Empire territory, and that He found trouble for challenging the religious authorities of His day. 

I am one, but I do have a voice. 

Hate crimes are disgusting. As an American of Jewish descent, the effects of the European Holocaust are woven into my very DNA. For the past few years, I've noticed a resurgence of violence against Americans who are " the other" to the dwindling straight WASP rich Americans who have controlled this nation for too damn long. 

Scared, scrawny White boys usually are the perpetuators of such crimes. They feel powerless, so they try to take back some of " their" power by use of force. To me, this smack of Roman soldiers' reactionary acts and not of Jesus' Way of Love. 

I pray this prayer daily: 

For His Sake, I am one

I am but one, but I am one

I cannot do everything

but I can do something. 

What I can do, I ought to do

What I ought to do, by the grace of God, I will do. 

LORD, what will YOU have me do?  ~ Motto of The Order of The Daughters of The King 

What CAN I do to stop hate crimes?  Prayer should lead to action, but at this point I cannot see what I ought to do to end hate-fueled violence. 

I'm stuck. 

Be Kind...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

A Week From Election: 2022

 

Tonight, marks one week from the General Election, 2022. I've done a fair job of trying to stay away from political ads on TV{ We don't watch much} and even watching debates of races that I vote in-- I need to maintain my sanity. 

In Florida, I am worried about my future and the future of people I love. 

With Roe V Wade overturned, several mothers of daughters I know are having touch talks with their young women at ages when I-- and my age peers-- were still building forts in the backyard. Thank God I grew up in the 1980s-- life was far from perfect then, but at least my parents didn't need to worry about their fifth grader falling pregnant by an assault and forced to carry to term. This is the reality that parents and other caregivers of preteen girls face with the erasure of Roe in a state whose lawmakers pander to a certain ideology that strips half of the population of body autonomy. 

I am past child-bearing age, but I care about the health and welfare of those who are{ or who soon will be} of childbearing age. 

Florida's lawmakers are chipping away at the civil rights of the state's non-straight citizens-- and reserving special venomous for transgender people. Recently the medical board of this " great state" chose to deny lifesaving medical care to transgender children. Again, this was made due to some lobbying by people with misinformed and hate filled opinions on gender. 

I vote.  I have volunteered on a campaign. I text banked. { and got some ugly replied from Floridians} I show up for legal demonstrations. I show up on campus wearing a purple " Free Mom Hugs" in support of young LGBTQ+ persons. 

Insurance rates for homeowners will rise-- and companies will drop whom they choose. 

Why? The simple fact is that Big Corporations have more rights than living, breathing people. 

What I've earned for all my efforts is some people who should love me unconditionally choose not to talk to me. 

I voted, knowing damn well that Florida will do what Florida does best lately-- pander to the hatred that rose to the surface in recent years. 

I'm tired. I'm PISSED-OFF!  Yet I am never ashamed to be on the correct side-- the JUST side-- of history. 

As a child and young voter, I took pride in Election Day. Sadly, voting seems like a chore now-- a chore that will not bring light to many law-abiding, tax-paying Americans. I'm fortunate in that I carry a lot of privilege, and that is why I want others to have the necessities available to me. 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth

Called By Name: Sarah Beth.

 "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. ."

 ~ Isaiah 43 1-28

No one listens to prophets, but that is a whole other discussion for a later time. 

A sermon I heard lately a sermon on names, and the importance of names, has me thinking a lot about my own identity.  

My legal name {and the one my parents bestowed upon me at birth} is Sarah Elizabeth McCarren. Mom says that she chose this name in part for the way the sounds blend together. I chose to keep this name when I married, as it has always been my legal name and I like the way it reflects both my parents' heritage. 

Sarah {called Sarai first in the Hebrew scriptures} was to be the matriarch of God's People. Elizabeth, a cousin of The Blessed Virgin, be game pregnant with John the Baptizer at a later age.  

Both of these names are prominent in Scripture, and both reflect the strength of women whom God calls to do things that seem impossible. 

I like my name a lot, so I kept it. Legally, I've never been called by any other name but that by which I was given at birth and affirmed at baptism. 

Most people call me Sarah. I've never had a nickname, as no one called me " Sally" or {shudder "Sadie" . I was always just Sarah-- with an H. It still irks me when people I know misspell my name. For instance, a person I've known and loved for over four decades still writes " to Brian and SARA" on our yearly Christmas card. 

Please, my name is Sarah, not Sara.  It is an ancient name in the spelling I use: Sarah. Thank you. 

When Brian and I got together, he started calling me Sarah Beth. Not having grown up in the South, the concept of double naming was foreign to me. Other people in our circle started calling me Sarah Beth, and gladly accepted this newish name. 

When we moved to Pensacola and transferred our parish affiliation to St Christopher's, I thought long about what version of my name I wanted people to call me. 

At this stage of life, I am Sarah Beth. Of course, I answer to Sarah, but I want my name tag to reflect who God is calling me to be now.  When the bishop came a few years ago and I re-affirmed my faith, the name I asked him to use was Sarah Beth. 

God sees us and knows us by name. Some people change their names when they marry. Others change their name as part of becoming their true gender. 

Nonetheless, God knows us and calls us as God's own. Making an effort to get a person's name correct { including  correct SPELLING } says that you see that person as a beloved member of the human family. 

Amen

Sarah Beth McCarren

10/10/22

Open Letter To Armchair Meteorologists

                                            A perfect Gulf of Mexico day. 

Dear Folx Who post every damn Spaghetti Model of Storms in the Gulf. 

Damn, I feel like I write this letter every year at this time. 

I know you are trying to help by keeping your social media contacts abreast of things stirring in the Atlantic, and perhaps some people are either thankful or indifferent to your sharing of these " predictions". 

But for the sake of all that is good, please remember that it does nothing but cause stress and panic for people who suffer from anxiety. 

My priest has a saying that she taught me " Don't borrow trouble."  I've discovered that this simple three-word mantra helps me think more clearly through parts of life {such as named storms} that usually cause my anxiety to skyrocket. 

Again, I know you are posting these with good intentions.  But to keep myself sane, I will " snooze" any armchair storm predictors for this month. It really is NOT you-- it is me with my storm anxiety and my resolve to not borrow ay storm trouble.

 If the officials actually warn the public to prepare for a named storm to it the Greater Pensacola area, I will do so. I'm not naive, but neither can I both maintain my sanity {what little sanity I still possess after COVID's worst two years} My spouse and I know how to get all our storm gear in order, and we actually bought some more bottled water-- it is on sale right now at our Winn-Dixie. We prepare. Brian is a native Floridian and has lived near the Gulf of Mexico most of his life. I trust his instinct about storms. 

We all know that " Sally" threw us a meteorological curve ball. But in retrospect, all the signs of a storm heading in this direction were there-- but many people were hit ill-prepared. I understand the fear, but after over 20 years of living here I know that the best anecdote to storm fear is steady preparations. 

Get {and keep} supplies of food, water, and medication. IF, a storm enters the Gulf, stock up on gasoline for a generator. 

Do not-- DO NOT rely on social media for storm track information. I've discovered that the NOAA web site has the most accurate and up-to-date storm " predictions" available to everyone. 

To my loved ones who live elsewhere and see these armchair predictions: please reach out to me if you are concerned. Also, please remember that Florida's Gulf Coast is large, and that Pensacola is THE westernmost city in the state. {the joke is that the Pensacola region is really Lower Alabama} Sharpies alone cannot move Pensacola closer to Tampa/St Petersburg. 

We appreciate your concern, but please look on Google Maps if you are unfamiliar with Florida's Gulf Coast. 

I love you all, and I want us all to avoid borrowing storm trouble. There is plenty else to discuss on social media and in real life. 

Peace,

Sarah McCarren

9/22/22

End " Dress-Coding" #BansOffOurBodies

 

                                           Mid-forties and PROUDLY wearing a short skirt. Poto by Brian 

 I came across an interesting article a couple of days ago while aimlessly scrolling the Internet. It deals with an issue that affected me in school. 

Here is the link:

‘Our bodies aren’t distracting, you’re just disgusting’: High school student calls out school dress code for being sexist during assembly (msn.com)

Girls and women have been " dress-coded" at school and at work for far too many years. Contrary to popular opinion, this is NOT a " new wave feminist" issue--- imposing unfair and often arbitrary regulations on female people's clothing is nothing new. 

As a slender person with long arms and legs, my choice of clothing has always been sanctioned. As a matter of fact, most of my visits to my high school's vice principal {a real toad of a woman} were related to skirt/ shorts length.  Due to my long limbs, the " fingertip rule" made most fashionable skirts and almost ALL' shorts not appropriate for school'

Meanwhile 1990's teen males were sagging their pants so that their brightly colored boxer shorts were in full view from 100 feet away. For boys, underwear as outerwear was fine, but a tall, long-limbed girl was sanctioned for wearing a skirt. 

This practice is rooted is misogyny. Some people claim that girls' and women's bodies must be covered completely as to not tempt the boys and men. I call bullshit. 

Yes, a nice pair of legs is aesthetically pleasing. But stop making me pay the price for grown men who cannot control their thoughts in public. What a woman chooses to wear DOES NOT invite unwanted attention from male persons. Furthermore, it is NEVER OKAY to ask a victim of sexual violence what she was wearing at the time of the assault. It's NEVER okay. Again, for the hard of hearing in the back: Its NEVER OKAY to ask an assault victim what she wore at the time of her attack. This is victim-blaming. 

But for the sake of all that is good--- please STOP eroticizing teen girls!!!  Let them be teenagers who feel safe and validated by choosing their own wardrobe 

At middle-age, I am grateful that I can confidently wear shirt skirts. Frankly, I do not care if people clutch their pearl when tey see this " old gal" showing off her toned legs in a short skirt. 

My choice of a casual wardrobe does not directly affect you. 

Amen

Sarah McCarren

17 September 2022

Feast of St Hildegard. 

Quotable Quote of The Year : Joining The Table

                                             

     Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am totally " fangirling" {is this even a word... at any rate it is now} over Mariska Hargitay. I've been a faithful viewer of Law and Order: SVU since its premiere season back in 1999. I'd just moved to Florida less than a year, and still felt like I was flailing around anchorless. The character of " Olivia Benson" and I grew up together. 

 I don't " fangirl" often, but the more I learn about my favorite actress, the more I want to {somehow and someday} meet her in person. Unlike a lot of Hollywood actresses, Mariska Hargitay embraces ageing. She's in her late-50's and wears her more mature years well. Of course, it helps that her parents were Jayne Mansfield {Sorry, Marilyn shippers, I'm Team Jayne} and { Mr Universe} Mickey Hargitay-- she hit the gene pool jackpot. 

Anyway, when scrolling my Twitter account on Sunday, I came across this quote by my favorite actress: 

" I used to think that everyone was better than me, Now I know what I bring to the table." 

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

This quote summarizes most of my experience here in Pensacola. For years, I felt like I did not belong, that I am inherently flawed-- that God made some joke on humanity by creating me as They did. To my credit, I am 100 percent resilient, and I learned to at least find a place at the corner of the Table of Life.  I worked hard to blend in and not make waves, a skill I developed in middle and high school in order to hide from bullies. Heck, most of the time I felt content to not be invited to the table, because I knew people could not accept my full self. 

It was lonely. 

It wasn't until Brian and I made the big move to Pensacola that I broke out of my shell enough to let people see my full self. Finding a faith community where I {and everyone else} is AFFIRMED is a big part of my newfound confidence. Not long-ago Brian and I discussed what it means to be " welcoming" versus really AFFIRMING people who might not fit our mold-- especially in Christian circles. 

here is an article on affirming versus welcoming that explains the difference between two similar, but distinct adjectives. 

We can WELCOME people into our lives & communities, as long as they ' know their place'. 

We AFFIRM someone when we see their full self and integrate them fully into our personal/common lives. 

Feeling invisible, or worse--- feeling totally unwanted, in a faith community hurts. This can be something as arbitrary as age and/or gender-- some communities cannot or will not see younger women as bringing anything of value to the table. However, if one's spouse is a man of a certain age, he's clearly invited to the table. 

Invisibility sucks. I'm glad I am not invisible, but many others wait silently and hope-full, as I did. 

Knowing that I am loved just as God made me and affirmed in my community is such a blessing. yet I speak from points of privilege: I am White, cis-gendered and middle-class.  My challenge is: How can we make all persons feel affirmed, knowing that their presence at the table will enrich everyone? 

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

September 13 2022 

Feast Of the Holy Cross

 

Where Were You: Sarah's Story

                                                    Remembering....

Every year, I feel like I rewrite the same damn thing. On this eve of the attacks on our nation's soil on September 11, 2001, I once again recall my own story of where I was and what I felt. We all have these stories-- this is akin to the attacks on Pearl Harbor for The Greatest Generation. 

I'll give the Cliff's Notes version. 

It was my last semester at the University of West Florida. I was walking in late to a class, and I noticed that the professor was not yet there {she used to glare at me when I was late for the 8 o'clock class} Confused, I asked a classmate where the teacher might be. The classmate replied" She's in her office crying. Planes attacked the Twin Towers in New York" {I'm paraphrasing, as I do not remember exactly what this conversation entailed.} 

I walked to the University Commons, where I knew I could see a big-screen TV. Students, faculty and staff were crowded around the TV and silently listened in horror as Katie Couric reported on the chaos.  I'd seen enough, I went to the public phone {yes, I'm that old} and called my parents. Dad agreed to come to campus and pick me up. 

Later we learned that another plane hit The Pentagon, and that a third plane, aimed for The White House, had been diverted and crashed in a field in southwestern Pennsylvania. 

While the events which we'll remember tomorrow were surely horrible, at least the perpetuators were people of known hostile nations. The horror of this day twenty-two years ago tomorrow united Americans of all stripes. For once in my lifetime, the hope Christ gives us seemed close to a reality: 

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" Galatians 3:28. 

Twenty-two years later I am older, somewhat wiser, and remembering another horror that occurred on January 6, 2021. I watched, feeling utterly helpless, as Americans stormed our Capitol city in a violent insurrection.

My question is: How can we find that unity-- as Americans and as humans-- that was felt in the immediate days following the attacks of September 2001?  How can we see each other as Christ sees us-- as members of the human family? 

 How can we come together and {eventually} move beyond the severe polarization that is the reality now? After two years of a pandemic, it would make sense for people to want to come together again. yet I see nothing but division. Even within local members of my own political party recently, we had division that sparked some online and real-life drama. 

We. Need. To. Act. Like Grown-ups. 

Tomorrow I will honor those we lost in the attacks on our nation in September 2001. Additionally, I'll remember the survivors-- those people still living among us where were at the Pentagon or in Manhattan near the Twin Towers on this day. 

Never forget. 

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

9/10/22

 

Middle Age Woe: Accepting Oneself Without Comparisons

 

                                                 Me. Bobbed hair, glasses, no make-up. T-shirt Nothing glamorous or " sparkly" about me.  I don't attract attention. Bookish and boring. 

Middle age is weird, in so many ways. On most days, I am Super-Confident Sarah. I stand as tall as my five -foot-six inches allows, do my best to be kind, yet refuse to take anyone's " shit".  I work with my strengths and try not to overcompensate for my weaknesses. I'm a good spouse, friend, daughter, and aunt.  I do my best -- along with Brian-- to recycle and reuse. {we only have one Earth, and she needs our help} I take care of our dog and do my house chores.  Thanks to my naturally strong features, I have not worn make-up in over 25 years. 

On other days, I hate myself. As an introvert, I've never felt like seeking the spotlight. I love singing in choral groups, but never competed with other sopranos for solo parts. {singing by myself onstage terrified me-- I much rather prefer to blend in with my section} Yet I envy the women who can and do seek the spotlight. I wish that I had the kind of confidence that makes people notice me in a big way-- the kind of confidence that would allow me to push others out of the way to get ahead. You know, the sort of person who covers their lies by batting eyes and smiling? 

 "  Oh no , I NEVER would do _____"

 Hell, my mother told me when I was a teen that I am a terrible liar. Since I don't like to suck at things, I don't lie. 

Yet liars climb ahead.  

I was bullied in school by the girls who would just bat their eyes at the principal " Sarah doesn't understand what I meant... I wasn't excluding her on the playground. She's just jealous since I'm popular"  ~ "Amy The Bully

" Amy lied to the principal, the coaches, her parents, and my parents. Guess what: since she was {and probably still is} a superficially charming person, she got away with her cruelty. 

When the " Amys" of the world grow up the nan turn into vicious, cruel women. 

My problem is: I try hard to treat others with kindness & respect. 

Confession: Sometimes I wish I had the capability to be a Mean Girl. 

I don't. 

Watching adult Mean Girls get ahead in business, the arts and {especially} politics really burns my butt. 

Yet I am not wired for meanness. Nor am I wired to seek the spotlight. I'm a quiet {until I know you}, bookish, creative nerd woman.  

That is who I am, and I need to work on being grateful for who God designed me to be. 

Amen

Sarah Elizabeth McCarren

9/3/22

#GrowingUpAppalachian : Part 1

An Appalachian Childhood: Part 1 of a Series on #AnAppalachianLife

By: Sarah Elizabeth McCarren 

                         Me on a hike in Western North Carolina, a part of #Appalachia that formed me into the woman I am today. Photo by Brian 

 I read a wonderful essay on #GrowingUpAppalachian that has me thinking about the fact that I AM Appalachian. the old rocks and the rich soil are part of my DNA. While I am totally HOME here in Pensacola, Florida, I cannot ignore my Appalachian roots. 

 Let me first share a quote from the author-- a young woman from Kentucky who grew up in very similar circumstances as I did in Rural Greater Pittsburgh. 

 Whitney Allen, a native of Eastern Kentucky says this about growing up in some of the world's oldest highlands: 

    "Culturally speaking, Appalachia is extremely rich. As a community that is poor — monetarily speaking — we have learned to find the wealth in our land and our surroundings. Appalachian culture is marked by strong, pragmatic Christian views, close relationships with family members, and far too often by the belief that those who grow up in the area have backwards beliefs and mentalities. For me, I believe that it has allowed me to appreciate the positive and to grow beyond the negative by being exposed to all different types of individuals throughout my short life. I will take the lessons that I have learned growing up in the mountains through my life and will use them to help educate others on our culture and to promote tolerance in our community for cultures different from our own."**

Let me address the stereotypes I run up against when folks discover my Appalachian roots.

 While poverty exists-- I witnesses some of this in my own rural public-school experience-- but not all Appalachians grow up in shacks in the " hollers" with no running water. Poverty is a problem in these United States that transcends regions. Yet due in part to the works of JD Vance { Ew, don't get me started on what I think of him!} the trope surrounding my home region is that of the " dirt-poor hillbilly"

For instance, my brother and I grew up in a comfortable, middle-class, two-parent home.  Dad is an Army veteran with some college education who successfully managed a retail store until economics forced the store to close. Mom is a graduate of The Pennsylvania State University {GO NITTANY LIONS!} My brother and I went to poorly funded public schools, and we both are adults that are always learning. 

Growing up, most of our peers went to church on Sunday. However, growing up in an interfaith home {Dad was raised Irish-Catholic and Mom Jewish} church was not part of our childhood. Sometimes this made me feel awkward, but as an adult I am grateful that my interfaith upbringing {and eventual baptism into Christianity at the age of 20} gives me a unique perspective on religion in general and my own Christian walk in particular. 

Like nearly every child who grew up in Appalachia: I loved playing freely in the woods around our neighborhood. Our neighborhood had groups of children who --in the good weather months--were outside from morning until dusk. I'm still in contact with most of these " kids" now. Some still live where I grew up, others-- like myself-- moved far away. yet the bond of an incredible safe ' free-range' childhood unites us. 

My Dad is one of six children, and I remember Sunday suppers at my paternal grandparents' house. Since our family unit lived the farthest away, we would only drive to Sunday Supper once monthly.  Additionally, in the summer months our aunts and uncles would spoil us with attention. I was nearly ten years old before the first of the McCarren cousins came along and I was thrilled to finally have a cousin. My teen years were spent with other cousins arriving. It was-- and still is-- a joy to be the senior member of that generation of this branch of the McCarren family tree. 

To be honest, living in Florida means that I missed really having that quality time with my cousins. But that solid sense of family allows for me to build my own clan here. 

I grew up just as the steel and coal industry of Greater Pittsburgh was drawing to an end.  While some of Greater Pittsburgh Appalachia has grown beyond steel and coal, other communities suffer from lack of well-paying jobs. To a certain extent the discovery of natural gas in the seams of those old ridges has given the area an economic boost. 

Pittsburgh's entrance into the medical and medical research fields have attracted talent to the area. Yet each time I return I sense deep within my soul that my part of Appalachia struggles economically. The population of the small towns near where I grew up have declined in the nearly 23 years since I've left. 

In spite of all the struggles, my Appalachian childhood was wonderful. The people I know and love who live there are hardworking, kind, community-oriented people. 

I am-- an always will be- a child of Appalachia. 

 ** Allen, Whitney What Its Really Like to Grow Up Appalachian      Thought Catalog June 19 2015

###

Debt Forgiveness

 

                                    High Altar at St John's Catholic Cathedral in Savannah, Georgia. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

 The news regarding college loan forgiveness has sparked A LOT of chatter on social media {and I imagine among people in real time} People on both sides of this issue share their feelings openly on social media. To be honest, I do not need one more divisive topic in my life right now. People on both sides will double down and refuse to listen to each other. 

 I'm blessed that I do not have any outstanding school loans. However, anyone who has known me or has followed me on social media will know my views on this topic {hint, my views are based on Jesus of Nazareth's teachings in the Gospels} 

I do not wish to further divide my dear readers by tacking school loan debt relief.  Rather, I want to look at what Jesus says about debt forgiveness and what the word " debt" might have meant in His time. We modern American capitalists define the word " debt' as money owed to another, but perhaps Our LORD might have used another word that got translated into " debt". 

Let us take a look at how Luke tells the story of Jesus showing the disciples how to pray. 

    " ... give us each day our daily bread

          and forgive us our SINS , as we forgive those who SIN against us...

        for we forgive everyone INDEPTED to us..." {Luke 11:3-4 NRSV}

According to my source, The Jewish New Testement: New Revised Stanndard Version, the Aramaic word " hav" can be translated to either " sin" or " debt".  In rabbinic literature, sins were considered debts against God. 

Hmm.  Sin= debt against God. 

Christ, by His death and resurrection, paid this sin-debt. 

If we Christ-followers in the 21st century return to the original language of the text and see it as perhaps the original hearers would have understood Jesus' teachings about sin, and what forgiveness we are to pray for, we might understand that our modern sensibilities cloud the Scripture. 

Our economic system gives us a lens that sees "debt" as only money {or other forms of payment owed for goods or services. Given our capitalistic sensibilities, it is natural that we think as debt as some payment one owes another. 

If we look at Jesus' definition of " dept" as a debt of sin to God-- a debt that everyone owes, then perhaps the conversation can be less about money and more about forgiving each other from sins that we all commit daily. 

The prayer that Christ teaches goes on to say 

"  for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us. 

And do not bring us to the time of trial...

Maybe the lesson surrounding the college loan forgiveness discussions can take on a more big-picture view now and in the future.  ow can we collectively forgive ourselves and others for the debt of sin that we make each other carry for a long time?

In the Name of the Holy Three...

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

8/25/22

After a medical emergency....

                                           Brian and I spent some " sabbatical" time this summer hiking the Western North Carolina mountains Photo by Brian. 

Back in April, when I was prepping for a routine procedure, I suffered a medical emergency that could have killed me. My blood pressure shot down to 55/35 {yup, according to the doctors who saved my life by pumping my IV full of endenephrin}Had I gone into full cardiac arrest {which somehow, I did not since my heart was still working, scarily slowly, but working nonetheless}, I most likely would not have survived. 

Long story short: I am blessed to be among the living. I recall vividly some weirdly comforting phenomena that occurred when I was " coding" , but since so few people will believe me, I'm not going to delve into that experience. Ask me in private & I might share. 

I've spent this summer prayerfully re-evaluating a lot of things. After all: I was given a second chance at living as my Creator intends for me to live. 

I've made some changes. For instance: I will no longer be silent on issues of justice in order to maintain the comfort level of acquaintances. We are going into what will probably be another ugly election season, and I cannot remain both silent and live authentically. I promise to not bring partisanship into my discourse, but I shall speak up for the oppressed, the poor and others who exist on the fringe of society. 

I plan to turn some tables and am ready for the consequences.  Already I was unfriended, blocked on social media, and ghosted by someone I love over my stance on reproductive rights and body autonomy for all persons. 

As I've stated before, I can be polite and welcome conversations about touchy subjects-- just as long as those subjects DO NOT include stripping away rights of others and/or taking away their autonomy. Concerning these topics, I cannot and will not waver. 

Namaste...

Sarah McCarren 

8/24/22

#Becoming More " Myself"

 

                                     Quote that has guided me through these past few months. 

One thing which I wanted to pray and work on is my " what next". I turned 46 in May, after a scary medical emergency in April-- one that shook me enough that I sought guidance from my priest. Her advice was to look at the summer months as a " sabbatical" of sorts {unlike her, I could not take an actual sabbatical} but I did lessen my obligations to what was absolutely necessary and took on NO NEW PROJECTS from May - August. 

It was a wonderful experience. I used the down time to pray, journal, and discuss what it means for me to serve God going forward in my second half of life.  I took time to listen to the Spirit and observe my own reactions to living with less busy-ness. 

 My medical emergency changed me by making me realize that I am at a literal mid-life. If I am fortunate, I'll live to age 90-ish. Math shows me that I am halfway there. 

 I cannot afford to waste time. 

 Spending this time in a more relaxed, less busy mode made me understand that my soul craves things that had been missing. 

 For instance: Music. I'd sang in groups for most of my life and just as I was thinking I'd like to get back into choral singing again, COVID struck. 

 Friends, I am happy to say that I'm back singing with the Pensacola Gulf Coast Chorale. We have our " boot camp" on Saturday {lunch, getting to know each other, and running through the music for the Fall Concert} I feel JOY!  I am also singing in the parish choir {as my schedule allows} and again, I feel JOY! I'd sang with the Chorale years ago and it was some of the best musical experiences I've had in my life. 

This is the same joy that I feel when I meet with my Daughters of the King chapter {DOK Is an order for women in The Episcopal Church & denominations in communion with us} I'd felt led to be a " DOK" for years but had not an opportunity for study & discernment until this spring.  I am looking forward to further work of prayer, service & evangelism {that " E" word} with my chapter and Diocese-wide assembly. 

Adding new ways of service means that I'll bid farewell to other activities. For instance, I'm hanging up my mentor 's hat at the local elementary school. There are only so many hours in a day, and so many days in each week. My reasons for arriving at this decision are personal. There are other activities that must be put away, and it is my hope that people understand that I need to match my soul's desire with a need in the community. 

Mae West said " You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. " 

 Shalom...

Sarah McCarren 

August 17, 2022

What I learned from my own summer " sabbath time"

 

                                            Me with my rector at Beckwith November 2019. I love this photo of us: we are both dressed comfortably and enjoying the company of each other & our other parishioners at a Parish Retreat weekend. She returns from her three-month sabbatical this week-- and her first Sunday back with us in next week, August 7 . 

It has been an unusual summer at my parish. 

 You see, our rector {head priest} was gone on a three-month sabbatical from May 1 until tomorrow, August 1. Her first Sunday back with the parish will be August 7 {next week!} and I am so stoked to be able to welcome her home and exchange one of those famous HUGS with her. I know to let her take this month to ease back into " re-entry" after her time away from us {even before + George instructed the congregation to do so} but I'd be lying if I said I did not miss her this summer. 

 I missed Susan+, but I had years of her wisdom to lean into during her time away. There were several times this summer when I recalled some advice, a story, or an admonishment that Susan+ had given me during the many years we've known each other. I leaned into the wisdom she already gifted to me & it served me well. I know a person has really positively influenced my life when I can draw on her wisdom without a need to talk with her. 

 In spite of not having our leader, we at my parish managed to thrive during this time. New ministries began while current ones took a summer break. I'm grateful to be part of such a heathy, Spirit-led group of Jesus-followers. 

 I also took up the challenge to take my own " sabbath" this summer. From May until now, I intentionally stepped away from church & civic responsibilities. It was hard, but I stayed true to my sabbath time and did not volunteer for any political campaigns, nor work with the ReadyKids {the people who run the Reading Pals at the local elementary schools} 

To be honest, the ongoing threat of COVID infection made saying " no thanks" to a lot of opportunities this summer easier. 

 This summer I took up the practice of journalling, and even purposely stayed away from news & social media for an allotted amount of time in order to be fully present with my extended family. My extended family & I made some beautiful memories, both in western North Carolina & in Northwest Florida.

  It was nice to be fully present with those with whom I was with on any given day & time rather worrying about documenting & posting tons of photos to Facebook & Insta. I've learned to be much more mindful of my use of social media- and the breaks showed me the joy of just being in the moment. Americans have trouble with "BE-ing" For many of us, we are mistaken that everything must have an endgame. 

  

Brian & I also spent a lot of time together enjoying our hometown and its surroundings. We spent Saturday mornings walking downtown, sometimes picking up fresh produce {or homemade soap} from local vendors. Our salt & sea air immersion occurred on weekday mornings when most people were at work. I read & wrote in my journal when Brian completed crossword puzzles or fished. 

 

 Children's Christian Ed took its annual summer break, and I used this time to discern that I really need to be in the parish choir. After four wonderful years as a Godly Play storyteller, my heart tells me it is time to pursue choir-- a ministry that is part of my soul. I'll miss sharing stories with the children, but I know that both my own needs & the needs of our parish choir meet. Long story short: I'm going back into Sunday School Retirement. There are many reasons why I felt like I needed to discern leaving children's ministry-- one of which is that I always wanted to sing under a talented church musician, and now I will have that chance.

 I look forward to what the program year will be for my parish, our Rector, and myself. I know I am blessed to be in this place & among these incredible Christ-carriers. 

Amen

Sarah McCarren 

31 July 2022 

On " Philadelphia 11" Day 2022

                    Me , with my parish's curate {new associate priest} on Easter Sunday

Today is the anniversary of the ordination of The Philadelphia 11: the first women to be ordained as priests in The Episcopal Church. I often wonder why this day is not on our calendar as a feast day, but I'm just a parishioner in Pensacola, Florida. 

  Anyway, I am grateful for the sacrifice, persistence and bravery of these women. Without them and their willingness to bravely be pioneers, the two priests I have in my life would not be able to live out each woman's calling. While I know many fine clergy who are men, the validity of their ordinations has never been questioned. Men have been leading Christian communities as clergy since the beginning of organized Christian communities. 

 Like with many human institutions, the Church was-- and in some ways still is ruled by the patriarchy.  We've made big strides since 11 brave women walked into that church to be " irregularly" ordained.  Yet  I cannot help but remember that some people-- some Christians-- are working fervently to turn back the clock regarding equality for all genders.  After watching the nation's highest court sweep body autonomy away from half the nation's population, I cannot help but wait for the next shoe to drop. It is a scary time to be a woman in America-- but I am encouraged by the bravery of my foremothers in faith. I am also encouraged by the women I know here-- both lay and ordained-- for stepping up and bravely doing work in Christ's Name. 

 My prayer is that I -- in whatever way I am needed-- can be brave enough to step out on the correct side of history.  I'm proud that God created me as a woman-- and know that The Divine One still has plans for my second half of life on earth. 

 Thank you, Adonai, for showing the Philadelphia 11 the way to break barriers so that other women wo are so called may pursue ordination. Also, I give thanks to all my sisters and mothers-in-Christ who are willing to be brave enough to do hard work in Your Son's name. Amen. 

Sarah McCarren 

29 July 2022

Both/And

                                                     Mile High Bridge. Grandfather Mountain NC

Today's sermon is something that I needed to hear. I'm grateful for + George, who is helping our curate {assistant priest} with preaching and pastoral duties while our rector {head priest} is on sabbatical this summer. 

Today's Gospel lesson is a familiar story, when Jesus visits His friends Mary and Martha of Bethany. It is a familiar story, one sister is acting as the good Jewish housewife, busy making sure ALL the food is prepared and the table set with the best tableware. Her sister, on the other hand, spends time listening intently to their guest as He shares wisdom.

 Two sisters show us two opposite ways of being with Jesus. 

  Is one way REALLY " better" than the other? Perhaps each sister in this story argued with each other over Mary's lack of help in the kitchen versus Martha's constant busy-ness that kept her away from enjoying their guest's company. 

 Who has the " better way"?  This is an ages-old question which Christians banter around for centuries. 

  As +George pondered: maybe the Christian life is not either/or {Mary or Martha} but both/and { Martha and Mary as equally important in our walk with God through Christ. 

 This story shows the " both/and nature of following Jesus. As Christians, we are called to contemplation and action. We are asked to spend time in worship, prayer, study and fellowship with our faith communities.  

 However, life in Christ also demands that we move out of our safe zones in order to serve others who may never enter our pretty red doors. A healthy Christian community {which mine is-- thanks be to God} does well. 

 Living according to this dichotomy is not easy. od calls us to love people as God loves each of us. We are called to love those whose life closely resembles ours. But we are also called to love those whose politics, religion, or lifestyle greatly differs with our own. We are called to love people -- even those who reject us due to differing political or moral views. This is A TALL ORDER for sure-- especially when our beloveds choose to withhold love from us. 

We are called to love. Full stop. 

Jesus knows how hurtful family and friends can be when it comes to following The Way of Love versus The Way of The World. The World says, Retaliate.  Love bids us to shake the proverbial {or literal if you live in Florida} dust from our sandals and move on. 

 We're called to love, and we are also called to be agents of social change. Look at the public ministry of Jesus: His life's work was not about making people comfortable with the status quo. Yet He acted out of a place of Love, a Love that only The Creator of the Universe can give. 

Being a Christian means constantly living within a " both/and". 

Thanks, be to Adonai. 

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

17 July 2022