Brian and I took a pilgrimage of sorts to the " Graffiti Bridge, a local landmark here in town that is famous for the constant street art that changes almost daily. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. C 2020
I just got out of virtual Noonday prayer { via Facebook live} . But to be honest, my heart ws not completely there. I relied on the community gathered virtually there { and the community of Christians praying the Office around the world}. As my priest read the words in her soft voice, I let them wash over me like a balm.
Earlier this morning, Brian and I made a pilgrimage to the site where the peaceful vigils have been happening nightly in Pensacola, I wanted to say " I'm sorry" to George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, and all other Black men lynched by law enforcement. Three younger Black men were at the site-- I presume to make sure no one defaces it again. I made some small talk with one of the men-- asking him if he is the artist { He isn't} We maintained a proper six feet, but I did look him squarely in the eye and say " I'm sorry" . He nodded-- a quiet acknowledgement of my role in benefiting from the centuries of systemic racism that hasn't stopped.
Let me digress. I've never been afraid of Black men. Even growing up on racist Northern Appalachia, where any color of person other than White was rare, I never feared Black men . My brother has had had Black friends since middle school and I remember racist slurs being shouted out of car windows when Matt and his friend played basketball in our yard as boys.
I did not understand it then, and I understand it { systemic racism} now.
To be honest: I am more afraid of the White, sunburnt, overweight " redneck" men who make such racist comments to my Black friends then and now. Even now: I am more inclined to walk away from a " redneck" than I am a Black man. I get " twitchy" about certain Wal-marts in our area because I don't trust these types of men. As far as attractive men go: this " Good Ol' Boy' type have never been appealing to me. { I value brains as an attractive quality in people and most " rednecks" are not learned}
It is these very " redneck" types of people who benefit the most from the racism that has kept Black people at a disadvantage for centuries. I know they type well-- I grew up among them { though thanks be to God-- my interfaith, hippie parents were and are more enlightened.
Anyway, to get back to my original thesis, Brian and I stopped by the site of the vigils. I felt the collative sadness of the Pensacola Black community as I carefully walked along the memorial. Signs and votive candles were left as a makeshift memorial to George, Trayvon and all Black men who have been lynched.
Here is another mural that caught my eye. Brian and I have not and will not go to these public protests, because I feel it is my duty to keep myself & my loved ones safe. Yet I am glad that I had a chance to stop by safely this morning and pay homage. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie
To be honest, praying is hard for me right now. As a matter of fact, just being human every day takes a hell of lot of energy. keeping faith has been hard for me-- last night Brian and I attended virtual Compline & I just could not make small talk without bringing everyone else down. So I was silent. My mood was dark last night & I didn't want to ruin the virtual gathering by having a pity party.
Maybe these events are easier for Boomers to process, sine they lived through the first wave of racial tensions that DID lead to violence. My parents did not teach us that we , as White people, are superior to anyone. Looking back, my own Ashkenazi Jewish DNA Mom's family} As an interfaith child, I never felt like I truly belonged in any house of worship. To my Jewish kin, I felt like an outsider looking in { especially when my cousins had their Bat Mitsvahs & my Roman Catholic kin and friends celebrated their First Communion.
Other than overhearing some racist remarks from childhood neighbors in the early 1990's in Appalachia { Pittsburgh area--- and my home county in Pennsylvania is THE " REDDEST" county in that entire state. } I ever saw the deadly effects of racism. My brother attended a city middle and high school, but my rural high school in the hills had one Black family. The children of those Black parents were" accepted " because they were a family of talented athletes. My brother's school, on the other hand, certainly saw more racist issues than mine did-- as there is a more substantial Black population in town.
Here you can see the remains of the vigils. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie..
I am afraid. I am mostly afraid for the Black people of this great nation, but I am also afraid of something that was threatened fo the first time in my 44 years on earth: Martial Law. People who know me well know I joked about the COVID19 lockdown as being _The Hunger Games_, but what I saw & heard on Monday night chilled me to the bone.
Why didn't God make me a well-loved dog rather than a sensitive human? God, You could have made me any of Your creatures & you chose to make me one of the cruelest species on earth. Humans are cruel to animal, to the environment & especially to one another.
I'd much rather be a well-loved dog.
Namaste,
~Sarah
C 2020 The Pensacola Hippie.
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