My sweet soul-sister, Ariana, created this Bitmoji for me. Yesterday surely was a " facepalm" day.
Yesterday was the feast day of St Teresa of Avila, Nun and one of the few women who earned the title " Doctor of the Church, In honor of this saint's feast day, my priest read the following quote by St Teresa of Avila during Evening Prayer yesterday afternoon.
"Let nothing disturb you; nothing dismay you. All things are passing. God never changes. Patient endurance attains all things... God alone suffices. " ~St Teresa of Avila.
Yesterday was a day full of " facepalm" moments.All day, one facepalm after another. It sucked.
While I 'd prefer to not get into detail on my reasons , suffice it to say that yesterday was a day when I totally identified with the character of Elphaba in the novel and musical WICKED. For those who might not know the premise of these similar , but separate tales, it is the story of the woman who eventually became knowns as The Wicked Witch of the West" in L Frank Baum's classic The Wizard of Oz.
Elphaba, a young woman born in the fictional Land of Oz, is brilliant. She probably qualified for the Gifted and Talented program at her school and took all Advanced Placement classes in high school. Sadly, all people notice when they see her is her green skin, a condition with which she was born.
Ehphaba has green skin. She's also smart { and especially gifted in Magic} and has a heart for justice & equality.
But it doesn't matter: all people see is her " verdigris". As one of the songs from the musical says:
"Once I’m with the Wizard, my whole life will change, ‘cause once you’re with the Wizard, no one thinks you’re strange! No father is not proud of you, no sister acts ashamed! And all of Oz has to love you, and by the Wizard you’re acclaimed. And this gift or this curse I have inside, maybe at last I’ll know why, as we work hand in hand, the Wizard and I....
And one day He’ll say to me, “Elphaba, girl who is so superior, shouldn’t a girl who’s so good inside, have a matching exterior? And since folks here to an absurd degree, seem fixated on your verdigiris, would it be alright by you, if I degreenify you?” And though of course that’s not important to me, “All right, why not?” I’ll reply!" ~Elphaba _WICKED: The Musical
She has green skin. My reply would be : So what? She's also the top student in her college class and is interested in liberty and justice for all Ozians.
But all people see when the look at her is her unusual skin hue.
I might not have green skin, but due to my rather introverted personality, I feel like I am invisible. And during these scary and uncertain times, I feel even more " green". I care way too much, and every day I remind myself of my priest's advice to " not borrow trouble."
Intellectually, I know that St Teresa is correct: that " all things are passing" but I feel trapped and invisible with a huge desire to help make the world a better place. To be honest, I sometimes struggle with my sense of self: not being content with whom God created me to be. I wish I cared less about the world and people in general. I'm learning , like Elphaba, that my big heart is both a great asset and a liability.
It hurts to care so much. But I am learning to live into my own unique set of gifts, and settle in the knowledge that God-- and others whom I love and respect--- see beyond my greenness. On days , such as yesterday, when I feel raw and " green", St Teresa of Avila's words comfort me & remind me that I am whom God wants me--- that I need not ask to be " de-greenified". All things are passing, and therefore I will remember God's delight in me.
Amen.
~Sarah McCarren
16 October 2020
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