"... where there is DESPAIR, let me sow HOPE...."
Y'all, in spite of a glorious kayaking morning on the bayou near our home , I am feeling despair. As much as I try to put all my concerns in the God-box, I feel hope-less. Thanksgiving, our five year anniversary, Advent and Christmastide are coming up soon. Instead of the Thanksgiving gratitude & joyous anticipation of dvent, I feel nothing but despair.
To be honest, I've felt this way since last weekend-- when so much of life hand a " normal-ish" ring to it. Yesterday was awesome at church, Brian and I got to serve as ushers at the later morning service, followed by handing out candy to parish children at the COVID-safe version of Trunk Or Treat. For a short time, life was as close to " normal" as this pandemic will allow.
As the pandemic wears on and the election draws closer, I think about all the losses that many of us encountered this year. I also fear for more losses in the future. Relationships with people whom I've loved my entire life are fractured--- and I do not know if I will ever see these dear ones as the people I'd thought I knew for over four decades. I find myself re-evaluating my relationships with people after I voted my conscious a couple of weeks go.
Of course I will continue to love these folx, as Christ teaches us to love, but seeing the pandemic & the election season bring out the worst in people makes me want to step back from some for my own mental health.
As a Christian with Ashkenazi Jewish DNA, I want to sk there dear ones"
"Would you hide me and my immediate family if we were in Nazi-run Europe and you had means & space to hide us? Or, would you be a " good German" and turn us in to Hitler's henchmen?"'
I think I know what their answer will be. European Jews, like other minority groups, look at life differently than White, ' christian " 'Mericans.
I'm in despair because people, including people I love, would sacrifice principles for personalities.
Daily I use the time I have at home { ya know 'cos PEOPLE STILL WON'T MASK UP" } to search for hope among the despair. I find it in small things, such as a wonderful local support group of which I am a member. Compiled totally of women from all walks of life, we do our best to lift each other up during these dicey , scary times. I know many of them, but some of these women I know only through the Internet. COVID has taken away our monthly card games, but we send memes back and forth, and encourage each other during bad days. These gals have my back { and I have theirs}
It isn't healthy for me to wallow in despair over other people's choices. I know that I--- and people I DO know --- are doing our best to make the USA more just for all persons.
Daily I waffle between total despair and hopeful anticipation that { most } people are good .
Amen.
~Sarah
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