Whacked Neck: Part 2

                           Since I must wear the collar for the foreseeable future, I " bedazzled" it with stickers . 

For my entire life, my spine has been my " Achilles' Heel" It began with TWO major, open surgeries I endured as a 12-year-old for severe scoliosis. I still carry the big scars down my back and side-- if on gets close enough to me to look.  To be honest, I do not have many memories of that summer--- my amnesia over my entire middle-school years is a blessing in many ways. 

Fast forward to age 40-41. Now in middle-age, I experienced severe pain, tingling and some numbness that went from my neck, down my right arm, and to my fingers.  After months of ineffective physical therapy, I was referred to a neurosurgeon. He, along with his team, removed the offending herniated spinal disk {The disk was pinching a nerve root, causing all of my symptoms} and fused the vertebrae. 

I woke with the use of my arm and hand totally restored. However, it was a long and miserable recovery. Brian and I moved to Pensacola during my initial recovery period, and I was totally useless in packing for the move-- I was strictly prohibited from picking up anything heavier than a milk jug for the first three months post-op. 

Fast-forward to 2024: After months of suffering in silence {because I knew what would happen} I finally had imaging done on my neck. The images confirmed what I already knew: I have another herniated cervical disk. 

The current situation is that I am waiting to hear from a specialist-- referrals can take up to TWO WEEKS to process. Meanwhile I am wearing my bedazzled soft neck collar and limiting m physical activities.  My prayer is that there is some sort of new treatment for this condition that can replace the need for yet another spinal surgery. 

I'm right-handed. Try going through one day without using your dominant hand. Trust me-- it is not easy! 

I'm a musician-- I cannot play the piano nor the ukulele if I lose function in one hand. 

Please keep me {and Brian, my spouse} in prayer as I navigate this situation. 

Peace...

Sarahbeth McCarren

29 August 2024

From A Childless Woman in America

                                           My Aunt and me. circa 1978. 

I was not going to comment upon the onslaught of negative attention that we childless women have received in recent weeks.  Normally I stay away from partisan politics, but when my own existence is challenged publicly, I stand up for myself and others. 

First of all:  it is " none of your damn business " why a woman is childless.  

Some women are childless by choice. I commend them, as they figure out early on that motherhood is not a calling on their heart. Other women, such as I, wanted very much to be mothers but medical issues precluded that from happening. For us, each dig that is made against " childless cat ladies" {I'm a DOG mom, thank you very much!!} cuts us to the core.

 Implying that we childless women are somehow less of a woman for never giving birth nor adopting children is total bullshit. Womanhood is wonderful in its diversity, and to reduce half the human population to one function is unfair. This also leaves out our transgender sisters. Trans women are--- no matter what is said about them-- as much women as I am. Womanhood is about someone's soul-- not mere body parts or function of those body parts. 

Thirdly, there are many ways to " mother" that do not involve birthing and/or raising tiny humans.  I am a pet Mom, an aunt {biological and otherwise} and a mentor. I've also served in growing the faith of other people's children as a church Christian Education instructor {I've since retired from that wonderful and worthwhile work} 

Lastly, being childless at middle-age gives me freedom to serve humanity in ways that I'd not be able to do had I children or grandchildren. {Wow--- I'm technically old enough to be a grandmother... eek!!} I've time to work in ways that are both needed and bring me great joy. 

I'd wanted very much to be a mother when I was younger. But clearly that call is not for me. As I navigate this Second Act of Life , I do not need to feel like a freak of nature for my childless status. To all the good mothers I know--- THANK YOU. Your job is hard. For all the other Childless Pet Moms , I see you. 

Amen

Sarahbeth McCarren 

21 August 2024 
 

NEW day Dawn Day 1

 

Here are some banners that were in the opening Eucharist. 

I arrived last last evening to The Galt House Hotel. It was too late to check in with the DOK so I checked into the hotel and relaxed in the room. 

The morning was busy, we had worship in the morning,  with a banner procession. I did not get a chance to procure the Central Gulf Coast banner, so I did not process.

My name badge. It carries all my meal tickets, my credential number and has room for pens. 

International night, the food and the programming was amazing. 

That's all for now.

For His Sake....

Sarahbeth 

Testing 123 testing....

  I am testing how to blog from my Galaxy Tablet, sine I'll be using this format to keep in touch with folks back home while I am at Triennial. I had to reset all my passwords , since the new-to- me tablet is handed down from Brian. 

I'm grateful 🙏  but she's, all the password changing has been daunting. But it will save my bank a lot of pain, as the tablet is much  lighter than my laptop, and still has all the features I'll need to do my work at Triennial. 

The voting will be done electronically,  so I needed emaill access. I'll post to our Assembly 's  Facebook page, so needed ( and wanted ) access to Facebook.  Additionally,  I'd told my sisters here in Pensacola as well as our priest that I'll update them daily using this blog. 

There has been much beta testing of this device, making sure it is travel ready by tomorrow.  

Prayers, if you pray, are appreciated,as I am not fond of air travel. But, it is the only way to Louisville  for me. 

My bags are packed and I'm excited 😊.  This is such an incredible  honor, and I look forward  to sharing the experience  from my room at The Galt House Hotel  and upon my return. 

Blessings, and as always, For His Sake....

Sarahbeth 

Ready, Set, Triennial!

 

 In ONE WEEK, I'll be in the midst of my first full day of #Triennial2024 in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm blessed and privileged to be the voting delegate of the Assembly of my Diocese. 

The Triennial, which coincides with the 81st General Convention of The Episcopal Church, will have about 500 women from across the USA and around the world {we do have Assemblies in other nations} 

This is a huge honor for me, and I am getting extremely excited. 

Since I am arriving late on Wednesday, I will need to take an UBER to the Galt House Hotel, where the event will happen. Thankfully, once I arrive at The Galt House, I won't need to leave until Sunday after the closing Eucharist. 

My " credentialing" email finally arrived this morning to my Inbox. Whew. Since I was voted in late, and registered late, {Barely made the May 31 deadline for postmarking, though no fault of my own} 

My flight arrives in Louisville too late for me to attend the Provence Dinner on Wednesday evening {because I did not know this was a thing and booked my flights too late in the day to attend.} No big deal, I'll grab some supper in Atlanta during my layover.  The required events do not start until Thursday morning anyway, I'll just need to get up early and make sure I pick up my packet before the opening Eucharist. 

I am taking part in the Healing Eucharist on Friday evening. to get ready for this, I picked up a vial of Frankincense to use to anoint people for whom I pray in my line. As someone who has benefited from the comfort of Healing Services, this is also a huge blessing to me to serve my sisters in this way.  On Sunday, I'll ask my priest to bless the oil that I will carry to Triennial and pray that it is a small enough vial to be permitted in my carryon luggage. 

I'll do my best to write something each night when I return to my hotel room. The schedule is packed, so I doubt I will have time for too much texting. 

Peace...

Sarahbeth 

Brava!

 

                                                 

Brava!  I say to myself, Brava! 

On June 12, 2024, I played two pieces in a music recital. 

I played two piano pieces in a recital. 

It might not seem like it to my dear readers, but this is a Big Deal to me. 

I'm not a" natural performer" as I've overcame chronic childhood shyness and still prefer to be working in the background rather than in front of people.  

 While I've come a long way from the weird, awkward, socially inept teen that many remember, I'm still very introverted and prefer small groups or one-on-one interactions to large crowds. 

Up until that afternoon, the only two people who had heard me play the piano were my spouse and my teacher. 

 I was born with some neurological challenges that make eye-hand coordination and using both the right and left sides of my body in tandem very difficult. It was because of these challenges that I never took any music lessons as a child. 

 When I was growing up in the 80's and early 90's, the understanding of different neurodiversity and how the brain works was still very much a new field. It was so new that I did not get the partial diagnosis of PDD: NOS. This acronym Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified-- basically saying that medical people have no damn clue why my brain works differently from " normies" {Fans of the show _Wednesday_ will understand that reference} 

I'd always wanted to learn to play the piano, but never got that opportunity until my late 40's when I met my teacher. We started slowly, as I'd never read music {no need to, as I'd been told that playing any musical instrument was not happening for me} and my teacher is patient, taking the time that my neurodiverse brain and corresponding body needs. 

As an adult learner, and one with some neurological challenges, having a teacher who understands neurodiverse brains has been the key to my piano success. Her teaching methods and patience with my more rigid adult brain, enable me to enjoy the learning process and find joy and healing in my hobby.  I feel safe enough to work diligently on each week's assignments, but also know that I will not disappoint as long as I practice. 

Learning to play the piano as an adult is satisfying because I want to be there.  Practice time each day, and weekly lesson time, are some of the regularly scheduled things that add so much joy to my life. The healing benefits of a neurodiverse person learning to play the piano have been proven by science. 

https://colourfulkeys.ie/neurodivergent-piano-students/

https://www.brainline.org/article/how-music-helps-heal-injured-brain

Playing the piano boosts brain processing power and helps lift the blues | ScienceDaily

This article is a wee bit boring, so here is a quote that illustrates my point well :

 Cognitive psychologist and music specialist Dr Karin Petrini from the University of Bath's Department of Psychology, explained: "We know that playing and listening to music often brings joy to our lives, but with this study we were interested in learning more about the direct effects a short period of music learning can have on our cognitive abilities.

"Learning to play an instrument like the piano is a complex task: it requires a musician to read a score, generate movements and monitor the auditory and tactile feedback to adjust their further actions. In scientific terms, the process couples visual with auditory cues and results in a multisensory training for individuals."

Yes! 

In the year and a half that I've been taking lessons:

1. My hand-eye coordination has improved. I still drop things, but not as often. 

2. My balance has improved. I can safely stand on one foot for longer than two or three seconds without wobbling. 

3. I can use BOTH hands in tandem. 

All this is happening when I engage in a hobby that brings me joy and peace. 

I'm damn proud of myself, and grateful to all the people who make this happen for me. 

I'll never be a virtuoso.. and I am not sure I'd even want to be one. Yet I can love playing , and reap the benefits of piano study as occupational therapy for my weird little brain. 

Amen. 

Sarahbeth McCarren 

June 12 2024

 

That Day in May

                    For some reason, my own mother loves this photo of me. So, I'll post it for her. 

I was born in May 

Yes, I am a Taurus, and that probably explains why I am a champion grudge-holder and " bullheaded". {I prefer " persistent", but whatevs} 

 This coming Sunday will be the second Sunday in May. In these not-so-United States, that Sunday is always set aside as Mothers" Day. 

 I'll probably get roasted online {again} for this unpopular opinion, but here we go anyway. 

 I HATE Mothers' Day. As a matter of fact, I hate it so much that I'm debating about choosing to attend Saturday evening Mass this week and totally skip all the nonsense on Sunday. 

Last year, when I expressed online about how I feel about this American tradition, I got roasted, both in public social media spaces and {this was a lot worse} in my direct messages. 

Don't get me wrong, I think motherhood is an honorable calling. And contrary to what I've been told I feel, I'm not jealous because I am not a member of this club. I've been mothered by some amazing souls over the years, and for them I am grateful. 

Rather, and here is my thesis, Mothers' Day dredges a lot of REALLY sad parts of my past that I do not discuss. If I choose to share the full story as to why Mothers' Day is such a hard day for me, consider yourself among my very trusted few. 

In spite of what the retail world wants us to believe, there are more people for whom Mothers' Day is hard. Many are women, but people of other genders also may feel nothing but sadness on this day. 

 My two given names, Sarah and Elizabeth: are names of Biblical women who were said to be barren, I will look at ways in which I, whose womb is barren, does " mother". 

We have a dog. And yes, I am his mom. This is a hill I will die on. Pet moms are moms, too. 

Brian and I keep houseplants. I tend to their needs, making sure they get all the sunshine and water that they require. 

I mentor an amazing public-school student of whom I am incredibly proud. 

My niece and nephew are growing up to be amazing young humans, and they share my DNA. More importantly, they have my unconditional love. For nurturing young humans, unconditional love is more important than and shared DNA. 

Yes, I struggle with " Mothers' Day". But this week, I am choosing to recall all the ways that people nurture--- without being a ' mother' in the traditional sense. 

O God, thank YOU for giving us Sarah, Elizabeth and Mary, mother of Your Son, Jesus. help me to live into my own nontraditional " motherhood" and help others who are bereft on this day find some peace. In Jesus' Name, AMEN 

Sarahbeth McCarren 

6 May 2024

 

#ACaseForLove Day 4

                                             My Daughters of The King Chapter {Minus yours truly, as I had flower duty that Sunday } at our admission. We are also missing one other sister, who is homebound. 

Day 4 : Who inspires you? 

I am blessed to have MANY people who inspire me. It would take too long, and be at least a book, to talk about each person I know who inspires me to be my better self. 

I'm choosing to fucus on nine women whose presence in my life inspires me. Collectively, and more importantly, the women of my Daughters of the King chapter inspire me to do my best to serve Jesus each day. We are a diverse group of women-- who each brings her own gifts to our chapter, parish, diocese and wider Church. 

There are ten of us in the St Clare Chapter at our parish. Six of us were admitted together after the required three-month preparation and study period that is require for all women and girls discerning a call to the Order. During this prep time, we had a unique chance to really know each other beyond a surface way. These women are a definite part of my inner circle of love and trust, and there is nothing that I would not do for any of them. 

Modern society teaches women and girls to compete and look for ways to " one-up" each other.  How much nicer society would be if we all {and especially women and girls} looked to inspire and empower each other rather than tear each other down? 

Today I am especially grateful for the nine women in my own chapter, whose lives inspire me to do my part, in my own way, to work towards Christ's Kingdom. 

Amen. 

~Sarahbeth McCarren 

#ACaseForLove Day 3

 

                      Me working on my favorite hobby , a hobby I've picked up at midlife. 

Day 3 : Did fear get in the way today ? 

"Being #fearless doesn't mean you are completely unafraid, and it doesn't mean that you are bulletproof. It means that you have a lot of fears, but you jump anyway" ~Taylor Swift

I've been told that one of my better qualities is that I am " fearless".

Ask anyone who has known me most of my life, my fearlessness has gotten me into trouble-- and has been the cause of some wonderful memories made!

Taylor Swift's quote made me think about what it truly means to live life without fear.

Certain things scare me, such as living after the death of my spouse, becoming physically maimed from illness or an accident, and a coup de' état of my nation's government.

The short answer to this question is : No. Fear did not get in my way today, because today has been a n average day in my life. Since I am not fearful nor weak, I am not afraid of life.

As people of faith, we are called to live more fearlessly than our neighbors. We are called to live out Love, not stay locked away in our homes in fear.

Recently I had an epiphany regarding this matter of living in fear. Due to COVID, I've not been on an airplane since 2018. A crippling fear has kept me literally grounded, and away from people I love who live in the Pittsburgh area. After discussing this matter with Brian, I am flying up to Greater Pittsburgh for a short visit in May. If the pandemic has taught us anything, is that we cannot stay sequestered in our homes, living life online only.

Our Creator created us to be in communion with Them and with each other.

Fear not, friends!

Amen.

Sarahbeth McCarren

#ACaseForLove Day 2

                                                Random Uke Neck photo 

Day 2 What is an unexpected blessing that came your way ? 

I'd had a hard couple of weeks { and I'm not going to discuss it} , and a parishioner offered to send me a copy of Bishop Curry's book _ Love Is the Way: Holding Onto Hope In Troubling Times_

As we finish up the first month of 2024, and slide into what looks like a very interesting election cycle, I needed the reminder to look for the signs of hope in humanity. 

Fred " Mr." Rogers said: 

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me' Look for the helpers.' You will always find people who are helping." 

I'd like to take this quote one step further and suggest that we Christ-followers look for ways to BE those helpers. 

I'm blessed with so many of these people in my life, people who show me the hope and love that Christ calls us to every day by their daily acts of love. 

One seemingly small act of help can change a person's day-- or even their life. {I've had this happen to me, too} 

Look for the helpers. Look for the blessings. 

Be a helper. Be a blessing. 

Amen. 

~Sarahbeth McCarren 
 

#ACaseForLove Day 1

 

                                           Brian and me. Ansley+s ordination 2021

Day One: Where did you see sacrifice today ? 

I saw sacrifice today, and every Wednesday.

 Wednesday is " our day"-- a day where NO DOCTOR's APPOINTMENTS can occur. 

Wednesdays usually look like this: 

Bible Study. Mentoring my middle-school student at the local school. Piano lesson {for me} at the local {but nationally recognized for excellence} music store.  in the late afternoon, followed by the evening supper/ worship/ program at our church. 

Of course, not every Wednesday follows this pattern. Sometimes my lesson is cancelled. We don't have Wednesday evening programming at church all weeks of the year, and some Wednesdays are " early release" days for the public schools & no mentoring. 

Generally, our Wednesdays have a fairly predictable pattern, and one that is made possible by my spouse's sacrifice. I am medically unable to drive, and I cannot do any of the things I do on Wednesdays, or any other day,, without Brian's sacrifice. 

Love -- especially the love that Bishop Curry discusses, requires sacrifice. 

Amen. 

Sarahbeth McCarren 

" Fearless" and flying again

                                           Dad and me... a long time ago. Western Pennsylvania farmhouse 

 My 2024 word is FEARLESS. 

Buckle up folks, this will be quite a journey!  I may or may not share some details of my " fearless" adventures when I was a student at West Liberty University {protecting the names of the guilty, of course}

My intention is to really live into this personality trait... to work towards re-engagement fully in life. 

For instance, I have not flown on an airplane since 2018. 

2019 was Cancer Year for Brian, so I had to stay close to home {I don't think we traveled anywhere that awful year} Procedures, appointments, radiation and chemo shots ruled that year. 

We had some big travel adventures for 2020, but... yup the pandemic came and grounded many people. My dear paternal grandmother died in December of that year, and COVID, and keeping Brian safe, took precedence over funeral travel. A cousin was kind enough to ZOOM the funeral, so we could virtually attend, but it was not the same. 

All this to say, I am leaning into the fearlessness of 2024 and booking a flight to Pittsburgh for my birthday weekend in May. 

This will be a short visit--- only three full days in the area. I'll mostly be with my Lake family--- people who are not relatives but, in many ways, more " family" than some of my blood kin. 

Covid, and the political scheme of this nation, have taught me who really is family. Real family members do not let things like partisanship ruin relationships. I've been on the receiving end of such no-contact from some people who I thought of as family and it hurt for a long time. Now I just quote my middle school student: " It's Whatev! "
 

I've never been a good air traveler. Even before COVID, I hated sharing recycled air with strangers for more than an hour. I'm also claustrophobic, so plane rides give me anxiety. Making connections in Atlanta has always been a crapshoot-- but I do seem to be luckier with a Charlotte connection. 

Then there is the issue of checking bags. Since I need more shampoo than a travel size, I must pay the airline more money for the privilege of stowing my suitcase below deck. 

Then there is the issue of my bionic spine... I set off the alarms every time that I pass through the metal detector. This means that I am subjected to a pat down from strangers. Neurodivergent people will understand how much this is slight torture from someone who detests strangers invading her personal space. 

Honestly, people... I could not hide a " piece" on my skinny body if I'd wanted to do so. Ther is no need to stare at my surgical scars to prove I am not carrying a weapon. 

All this to say is that I am embracing fearlessness and getting on that plane in May to see some of my people. Covid and " handsy" TSA agents be damned! I'm also not obligated to visit anyone, so I'll stick with the folks who have stuck with me! 

Onward...

~Sarahbeth McCarren

" Fearless" Prophet ?

                                           Little Sarabeth 1980's Myrtle Beach , SC

Recently, someone whom I love, respect, and trust said to me during one of our  conversations:

                                              "Sarahbeth, you are fearless. "

She is not wrong. I like to try new things, and I am always up for adventures. Oftentimes {in my youth} said adventures would land me in some sort of minor trouble. 

My bishop called me " a prophet". 

Again, he is not wrong. I've been known to boldly speak and act against injustices, while working towards causes that might benefit everyone. 

We all know what happen to prophets. They either die or are exiled from their home village. I do not want t o be a prophet. People think prophets are insane. 

Now, dear friends, I am afraid.

I am afraid for Florida's future. Normally I stay away from politics, but I'm stepping out of my comfort zone to state that the laws that the recent Florida legislature has passed and wants to pass are violations of human rights. 

I am afraid for the Black, Brown, Jewish, Muslim, and LGBTQ citizens of my state. 

There are new laws in Florida that restrict communication between teachers, , unpaid school volunteers {such as me}, and the K12 students we serve. 

I ardently worked to stop these laws from passing, appealing to people's sense of decency. It did not work, and it took an enormous amount of strength to finish the three days of text-banking. 

The student I mentor is an 8th grader in one of Florida's public schools. My student { we are not permitted to refer to them using personal pronouns} is of Asian descent. Under Florida law, if this young person shares with me instances of bullying due to race, I must tell the student that I am prohibited by Florida Law from discussing such matters. I then must refer the student to the school's guidance department. 

There are other restrictions, but the one regarding bullying and race could directly affect my student's well-being.

Here is an article from my local paper that outlines these bills, and the damage they do. 

https://www.pnj.com/story/news/politics/2023/05/17/desantis-signs-3-bills-targeting-transgender-gender-affirming-care-bathrooms-drag-shows/70227878007/

Here is another article about what Florida plans to do in 2024.

https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/politics/2024/01/08/new-anti-trans-bills-law-florida/72119930007/

Y'all, this " Fearless Prophet" is afraid. I'm afraid for both Florida's present and her future. 

I'm afraid because all I can do is speak out against the injustices that are being legislated in the name of all people of Florida. 

I fear for the state in which my student will spend some formative teenage years. 

Most of all, I am afraid that no one else gives a damn.

Namaste, 

Sarahbeth