Confirm-a-Versary 2021: A Tale of Two BCPs

 

                                      Me, circa Easter 2009 . Navarre, FL. Unknown Photographer. 

In addition to yesterday being my anniversary of birth, it is also the day that I was confirmed into The Episcopal Church. A lot has happened since then, and I am grateful for the folks who have stuck by me this long. 

It has been three churches, a move to Pensacola, and years with the Best Human Ever { my spouse, Brian} 

I am surely not the same person I was all those years ago. Heck, I am not the same person I was at this time in 2020--due to COVID. 

I still have the red Book of Common Prayer that was given to me by the parish that sponsored me for Confirmation. It has been well-loved & the binding is loose, but I still use it most nights for Evening Prayer online . 

                                             Red BCP--- worn and frayed, but still in use. 

I also own another copy of the Book of Common Prayer. This one, given to me as a gift from my current parish when I re-affirmed my Baptismal Vows in October of 2018 has a black leather-like cover. While I use my red BCP for daily prayers, it is the black BCP that travels everywhere with me.  

                                     Me with my currant Priest in October, 2018-- they day I renewed my Baptismal Vows and received the black-covered BCP. Photo by Unknown Photographer. 

The red copy of this book represents the person I was when I came into the Church in 2009. I respect her, but I no longer identify with that version of myself. It's been a crazy, frustrating, joyous, sad few years since the { then} Bishop Philip Duncan laid hands on me and pronounced me a full member of the Episcopal Church. 

My walk with God has been challenged in the 12 years since I received my first BCP.  While I am grateful for the many people who have loved me into the faith, I feel now that I am "fully alive" and where God wants me to be, doing things that feed my soul and { more importantly} serve others. 

Middle age is great. I've learned, with age and experience, that being true to my values is essential for a happy life. I've learned that family are people who love one unconditionally while at the same time insisting that one be one's highest self. 

I am finally comfortable in my own skin and as a Christian I'm confident in my faith that leads me to advocate for the " least of those"-- and stand up to those in power when needed.

I've also learned where my weak spots -- or " triggers" are and how to deal effectively and healthily with them . As a wise friend once advised me : I respond rather than react. It helps to remember the words by Lady Gaga 

"I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way : "

God. Makes. NO. MISTAKES.  Therefore, I've grown in my walk with God to appreciate all that God has given me. My body is not " perfect"-- I have a spine full of metal. Years of disordered eating contributed to my fertility issues. 

At the age of  #HalfwayTo90 I am done with body shaming. 

There is nothing inherently "wrong" with the way God made me. 

Twelve years later I am happier and { in all ways} healthier. 

Here is to walking with God for at least 45 more years! 

Alleluia. Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

18 May 2021