St Joan of Arc

 

     Acrylic on stretched canvas. " Warrior Saint"  original art by Sarah Beth McCarren 2021

Today is Trinity Sunday. While every clergyperson I know is doing their best to NOT preach heresy today, I am mindful that today is the day the Church honors St Joan of Arc. 

For many reasons, she is one of my favorite Badass Women Saints. 

Joan is known as the patron saint of:

France; martyrs; captives; military personnel; people ridiculed for their piety; prisoners; soldiers. 

She was martyred in 1431.

One of Joan's attributes that I admire much is her certainty of her vocation as a soldier.  In her time, women were absolutely NOT permitted to serve in the Armed Forces , but this little French shepherdess did not let that fact deter her from her purpose. She dressed in men's clothing, and went to battle alongside the French army. 

" When Joan traveled to Compičgne to help defend against an English and Burgundian siege, she was captured by Burgundian troops and held for a ransom of 10,000 livres  There were several attempts to free her and Joan made many escape attempts, including jumping from her 70-foot (21m) tower, landing on the soft earth of a dry moat, but to no avail. She was eventually sold to the English for 10,000 gold coins and was then tried as a heretic and witch in a trial that violated the legal process of the time. { Source https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=295 }

While in prison, Joan wore men's clothing to deter her from assault by the other inmates. 

As a Christian woman who is, in many ways" unconventional", I look to St Joan for inspiration. The feminist movement has taken society further since her days , but there is still a lot of pressure for we female people to act/dress/work/love a certain way that is " acceptable " for women--- especially Christian women.  I browse our local bookstore;s Christian section and my eyes are met with titles like _ Power of a Praying Wife_ and _Biblical Womanhood_ These titles paint only one version of Christian womanhood: that of wife and mother. Where there is nothing wrong with the vocation of wife/motherhood,  there are many Christian women { and by woman I mean anyone whose gender identity is female and uses she/her/hers pronouns} Motherhood is important-- the survival of our species depends on mothers and children.  However, to insist that this is the only  role for Christ-following women is unfair and incomplete. 

Some of us are meant to be traditional women. I am NOT one of those who are so called. It took me a long time to cherish my own life's story and appreciate the ways that God * does* call me to nurture others. 

St Joan reminds me that there is room at Christ's table for all women-- including our trans sisters. 

There are,, and always have been women of faith like our sister St Joan of Arc. Those of us whom God chooses for vocations that don't lead to marrying men and procreating. I am married to a wonder spouse who happens to be a man and I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else. However, I am a complete person apart from Brian. One of the blessings of waiting longer to marry for the first time is that my spouse met me as a fully formed adult with my own ideas, hobbies, life experiences, ect.  Our life together is built upon mutual respect-- a trait that none of my other relationships possessed.  Since our household includes a dog and a betta fish as dependents, both of us are free to pursue our interests. 

Thank you, Creator God, for our sister Joan. She inspires me daily to follow my own vocation as "prophet" { my bishop's word -- not mine} and activist. In the Name of the Holy Three. Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

30 May 2021

Pronouns Matter

 Hi, lovely humans. My name is Sarah. I am a human who identifies as female and my pronouns are " she, her & hers". 

Note that I said MY PRONOUNS-- rather than " my preferred pronouns" My pronouns reflect how I identify & show myself to the world. 

As a cisgender { someone whose gender assignment at birth matches their identifying gender} person, I realize that I carry with me privilege that my trans siblings do not have. The gender on my original birth certificate matches the one on my current government ID card. Furthermore, I present as very " feminine" -- people see me and do not question my gender. 

                                            Even with no makeup-- I present to the world as " female" 

June-- the month that is reserved for celebrating the lives, struggles and accomplishments of the LGBTQ+ community, is a great time for we cisgender humans to start using our pronouns.  Normalizing pronoun usage  shows solidarity to our transgender friends, including those people in our lives who identify as nonbinary or agender. 

If a person corrects you regarding their pronouns, simply apologize and vow to do better.  If you are cisgender, as I am, imagine how invisible you would feel if someone kept referring to you as the wrong gender-- especially after correcting them. 

For instance: I am not male. To insist on using male pronouns for me would be invalidating my existence. 

Social media makes it easy for people to normalize sharing pronouns. yesterday, I noticed that Instagram now added an optional feature to declare one's pronouns on our intro. I added she/her/hers. Additionally, I added my pronouns to my e-mail " signature" that is tagged at the bottom of every correspondence I send. 

As a cisgender person who presents very feminine , I do these things not so much for myself, but to show solidarity with trans people. 

It's easy to do, my lovelies.  After all, we ll have pronouns. 

Namaste...

Sarah McCarren

26 May 2021

 

One Year Later: Black Lives Still Matter

                               One year since the Floyd Murder.. and what have we learned? 

It has been one entire year since George Floyd was murdered by a cop. The man took his last breaths under the knee of a White cop while a cell phone camera captured him pleading for his life. 

We all saw it. 

Floyd's murderer was found GUILTY on all charges in a trial. 

However, this does not change the fact that Floyd's family and friends lost someone whom they love. It does not change the fact that many other families of Black and Brown people mourn the loss of their son/father/friend/boyfriend/husband/uncle/neighbor to aggression by cops.

George Floyd's story did shine a glaring light on the huge problems we have with both police brutality and racism. 

One year later-- and many White people still refuse to do the work we need to do to work towards antiracism. Too many White people think that the BLM movement is anti-police. While I can only speak for myself, I believe in the BLM movement because I've seen how police can and do treat our siblings-of-color differently than they do people with my skin tone. For me, BLM is not saying that police lives don't matter-- it is merely calling attention [ and demanding accountability} for how cops interact with apprehending people-of-color. 

The murder of George Floyd, and my response to it as a White person trying her best to work towards being antiracist has cost me friendships. I recall one friend in particular, whom I finally made the choice to unfriend and block on Facebook after his response to BLM. To be honest, my respect for him had been dwindling over the last few years-- but the line was crossed regarding BLM . In short-- I did not realize how racist this long-term friend had been until Floyd's murder illuminated the deep racial problems that lurked just below the surface of polite society. 

One year later and some policies did change. But how many hearts and minds have really woke to the problem? 

George Floyd mattered. 

Black lives sill matter. 

Sarah McCarren

25 May 2021
 

Stop Objectifying Female Bodies with Archaic Dress Codes!

 

                                                    We are covered up here because it is a damp autumn day in the Carolina Mountains and it is COVID. We are NOT covered-up because we think the human female form is " dirty" or " impure".  Photo by Brian. 

I read a disturbing story out of Jacksonville { Florida, once again, does not disappoint in the embarrassment contest. We take first place. }

 Apparently one high school yearbook advisor took it upon HERSELF to photoshop yearbook photos of girls whose clothing she deems " inappropriate".  

Damn women who work at eating away girls' confidence. 

For reference, here is the link to the story: 

Policing Girls' Clothing In FL

If you look at the photo of the young woman whose outfit is a representation of " inappropriate", you will see that it appears to be either a nice dress or slacks & blouse  with a cardigan. 

This is standard " business attire" in any professional setting. 

Policing women's and girls' clothing  must stop.  Such prudish dress codes do NOTHING to keep students focused on education. Rather, being called out for a clothing violation tells girls{ and women} that WE are nothing but objects -- that our sexuality and femininity does not belong to us. 

Over a quarter century ago-- I remember doing a battle of wits with my high school's vice principal. She { yes SHE} received a write up for me for the sin of wearing a " shirt skirt". Per the rules, girl's skirt length had to at least reach their fingertips. As a person with long, thin arms and legs, the only skirts that are at least " fingertip length" are below my knees.  It angered me at the time that my shorter-limbed sisters were allowed to wear skirts and shorts that would make Daisy Duke blush while I had a ling list of dress code " offenses"

Girls interviewed for the article said that the altering of their school photos embarrassed them and made them feel objectified. 

I get what they are saying. Teenaged Sarah learned a lot of poor body-image habits from all her time spent in the vice-principal's office defending her clothing choices. 

Boys and men are not subjected to such clothing scrutiny, while girls and women are held responsible for making sure that male minds are not " tempted"

As a female person--- IT IS NOT MY JOB TO MAKE SURE MENS' THOUGHTS STAY CLEAN. To think this turns me{ and every other female person} into an object to be manipulated. 

My pronouns are she/her/hers. I'm female and proud to be female. My body is female-- and it is also made in the Image of the Holy One. My legs and arms are long and lean.  I love my long-fingered, basketball-dribbling hands and sometimes I like to paint the nails in bold colors.

My body houses a soul-- a soul that should be treasured rather than belittled. 

As a female person, it is my duty to uphold  all women. We are beautiful in our diversity. 

Don't like what we wear-- kindly avert your eyes and shut up! 

Namaste...

Sarah McCarren

24 May 2021

My Complicated Relationship with Masking

                               Me at Pensacola Pier standing by a big cargo ship. Photo by Brian 

On Sunday, Christians everywhere will celebrate Pentecost-- the " birthday" of the Christian Church. 

Last year, my faith family carefully gathered together on the church lawn for our first in-person worship service in months. masked and distanced, we gathered together on the lawn for an abbreviated " ante-communion" { before Communion} worship experience. 

We only saw each other's eyes, and touching was not permitted. It was both weird and yet somehow normal. 

One year later the restrictions for safe in-person gatherings of all sorts are being lifted for we vaccinated people. 

I feel both joy & a good chunk of uncertainty regarding the new CDC guidelines. 

Of course I am waiting for the day when we will publicly burn all face-coverings in a huge bonfire. Seeing people sans their nose and mouth is creepy as heck--yet now so common. 

To be honest, I do not feel totally " dressed" in public without a mask. Being with people I know are vaccinated allows me to unmask with confidence-- I do not associate in -person with unvaccinated people. 

Based on the behavior of many people in Northwest Florida regarding masking and getting the vaccine, I still feel a need to hide behind the dreadful mask. This pandemic has shown me how selfish many Americans are--- and it sucks. Tending to others' well-being and safety has been politicized, and since so many still refuse to care for others by rolling up their sleeves, I don't feel safe in the general { nonvaccinated Northwest Florida} public with an uncovered face. 

It saddens and angers me that I-- and most people I know and love-- have all done our part to ensure safety for many. Its been a long, slow, painful fifteen months of weirdness-- weirdness from which I would love to shed the damn masks. Honestly, I don't know when I'll feel safe in stores or other public buildings without a face covering. I'm fully-vaccinated { and had to go through quite the run-around in order to schedule my shots!} but I do not want to get sick nor make someone else sick. 

People, just line up and get the vaccines. 

I want to burn the stupid masks. 

I-- and almost everyone I know-- did the good, patriotic duty of vaccination. 

Until then, I'm the masked woman. 

Sarah McCarren

Pentecost 2021

 

Confirm-a-Versary 2021: A Tale of Two BCPs

 

                                      Me, circa Easter 2009 . Navarre, FL. Unknown Photographer. 

In addition to yesterday being my anniversary of birth, it is also the day that I was confirmed into The Episcopal Church. A lot has happened since then, and I am grateful for the folks who have stuck by me this long. 

It has been three churches, a move to Pensacola, and years with the Best Human Ever { my spouse, Brian} 

I am surely not the same person I was all those years ago. Heck, I am not the same person I was at this time in 2020--due to COVID. 

I still have the red Book of Common Prayer that was given to me by the parish that sponsored me for Confirmation. It has been well-loved & the binding is loose, but I still use it most nights for Evening Prayer online . 

                                             Red BCP--- worn and frayed, but still in use. 

I also own another copy of the Book of Common Prayer. This one, given to me as a gift from my current parish when I re-affirmed my Baptismal Vows in October of 2018 has a black leather-like cover. While I use my red BCP for daily prayers, it is the black BCP that travels everywhere with me.  

                                     Me with my currant Priest in October, 2018-- they day I renewed my Baptismal Vows and received the black-covered BCP. Photo by Unknown Photographer. 

The red copy of this book represents the person I was when I came into the Church in 2009. I respect her, but I no longer identify with that version of myself. It's been a crazy, frustrating, joyous, sad few years since the { then} Bishop Philip Duncan laid hands on me and pronounced me a full member of the Episcopal Church. 

My walk with God has been challenged in the 12 years since I received my first BCP.  While I am grateful for the many people who have loved me into the faith, I feel now that I am "fully alive" and where God wants me to be, doing things that feed my soul and { more importantly} serve others. 

Middle age is great. I've learned, with age and experience, that being true to my values is essential for a happy life. I've learned that family are people who love one unconditionally while at the same time insisting that one be one's highest self. 

I am finally comfortable in my own skin and as a Christian I'm confident in my faith that leads me to advocate for the " least of those"-- and stand up to those in power when needed.

I've also learned where my weak spots -- or " triggers" are and how to deal effectively and healthily with them . As a wise friend once advised me : I respond rather than react. It helps to remember the words by Lady Gaga 

"I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way : "

God. Makes. NO. MISTAKES.  Therefore, I've grown in my walk with God to appreciate all that God has given me. My body is not " perfect"-- I have a spine full of metal. Years of disordered eating contributed to my fertility issues. 

At the age of  #HalfwayTo90 I am done with body shaming. 

There is nothing inherently "wrong" with the way God made me. 

Twelve years later I am happier and { in all ways} healthier. 

Here is to walking with God for at least 45 more years! 

Alleluia. Amen. 

Sarah McCarren

18 May 2021

This is 45

 

                                                Making " good trouble" since 1976

I celebrate one more trip around the sun today. How did I spend my " Halfway to 90" birthday. By NOT EATING to prep for a spinal injection procedure that { hopefully} will relieve the spinal stenosis that has been a part of my life for over two years. 

Such a procedure , coupled that I remarked to Brian while in Savannah that " I've been acting middle aged since my mid 20's" in response to the revelry on The Riverwalk on Saturday evening.  But in all seriousness, today I am reminded that getting older is a gift--- and in this time of COVID many people did not live to add another year to their personal timeline. 

                     St Christopher at the Riverwalk in Savannah. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

Brian and I spent my last birthday worshipping from home via our computers and then going to my parents' house. We were still in the thick of the Pandemic Spring, and doing our best to fill our days with meaning while staying home. 

This year-- Brian and I took a few days in Savannah and ate way too much , waked for MILES, enjoyed each other's company, and learned some history. While enjoying vaccinated life, we were delighted to see that Savannah & Chatham County, Georgia take COVID prevention very seriously.  While the introvert in me was still iffy about strangers getting to close to my personal space,  We drove, as neither one of us feels safe at airports yet { and I hate to fly  for so many reasons-- one being like I feel like a sardine in the cabin of a plane. } If more counties and cities took safety seriously for just a few more months, we would ALL have more freedom! 

Anyway, I am looking to how I can better serve my community as the world becomes safer. I am looking at getting involved in a local political campaign again & have volunteered for a great service ministry that is happening at my church this summer. When the Three Mile Bridge opens again, Brian and I plan to kayak at Shoreline park and resume our trash-pick-up work. While among the public, I will still take safety steps that include masking and proper distancing , but I have faith in the science that brought about the vaccines. 

Living in Pandemic Life-- and doing my best to serve others while still keeping Brian and myself safe has been a challenge. I am a true introvert-- but an introvert who loves serving others and being among my people. While I'll never be a smooth small talker or have the Irish " blarney" with all store clerks like some people whom I know and love, I do love people. Covid-tide has taught me how much I need others in order to be fully-human and fully alive. 

Cheers to my 45th year! 

Get out there, lovely people, and make the world better for ALL of us. 

Sarah McCarren

17 May 2021

Climbing Steps and Slowly returning " Groundedness'

                                Photo of Tybee Island Lighthouse, by The Pensacola Hippie 

Today Brian and I visited Tybee Island, Georgia. This is one of the many islands that compose the " Low Country of South Carolina and Georgia. One of the challenges I set for myself was to climb to the top of the lighthouse-- conquering two fears I still harbor from childhood: a fear of heights & a fear of small spaces. 

 Hi. My name is Sarah. I fear heights and am seriously claustrophobic. I climbed a lighthouse. Furthermore, I climbed the last { narrowest} flight of steps alone . Brian chose to wait for me at the standing located just below the top stairs. 

I came. I saw. I climbed and conquered. 

Climbing the lighthouse is a good metaphor for how I see myself navigating the pandemic. At the beginning of both journeys, I did not know what lie ahead -- nor how long the climb would last. I could not see much ahead -- and this fact scared me. 

                                  The beginning of the uphill climb on narrow steps surrounded by brick walls and little natural light. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

Year 2020 was, for most of us, a year of figuratively putting one foot in front of the other. At times we thought the journey would never end-- as weeks turned into months and more people fell ill. I remember on some days literally feeling my safe, secure house walls close in on me. My mental health during the worst of COVID was another upward battle. There were many days when all I wanted to do was lay down on a landing and refuse to move forward. Each day looked exactly like the day before-- it was an endless spiral of uphill climbing. 

Finally, the vaccines rolled out and I was able to look into the horizon of my life and see a future . 

Yet the post-vaccine life is different. Although I am fully-vaccinated, I still feel an uneasiness about gathering in large crowds with strangers. I cannot, nor do I desire to, stay isolated in my protective  bubble of church people , other vaccinated friends, and vaccinated family members forever.  I need to venture  out there again.  My introverted nature also has me quite content to stay in the bubble of my { vaccinated} circle.  

However, this is not possible. Brian and I are on vacation in Savannah this week-- and it has been wonderful. However, I've learned a few things. For instance I am not comfortable eating indoors at all. Thankfully, we've been able to find places here that offer outdoor seating , but I'm using strategy to get to the breakfast at the hotel before the crowds. I also learned that I'm still wary of public transportation: there are just too many people in those closed-in vehicles. I've managed to enjoy some indoor fun thanks to Savannah's commitment to EVERY PERSON MASKING INDOORS. 

    The stairs going DOWN from the top of the lighthouse. Again, one step at a time and tread carefully.  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

I am grateful beyond words to all the people that made  Vaccinated Life possible. Slowly but surely, Brian and I are starting to emerge into The Big World. { Our vacation being a good big step-- we drove since neither one feels comfortable on a plane or in an airport } 

The CDC today has released new guidelines regarding masking for vaccinated individuals-- and as much as I trust the CDC-- I am not quite ready to burn my collection of face masks yet. In my opinion, there are way too many stubborn individuals who will refuse to vaccinate until it is mandatory. The recent " gas shortage" crisis shows me again how selfish many American people are right now. Again, I was reminded that we cannot govern our own behavior when  public health and safety are concerned: too many people take the New Hampshire slogan of ' Live Free or Die' literally. { honestly-- northwest Florida is full of the LFOD mentality and they were pumping gasoline into plastic bags and buckets! }

I hate wearing the masks in public, but I'll continue to do so for awhile longer--- until the state and nationwide percentage of people roll up their sleeves. 

One foot in front of the other... there is no race here. 

Namaste...

Sarah McCarren

14 May 2021

 

Return to the Gym #MaksedUp

                                          Me #MaskingUp in public. Fully-vaccinated, yet still practicing safety protocol for all people.  Photo by Brian. 

I did a thing today. It is a thing that  was-- pre Pandemic-- a BIG part of my wellness. But COVID robbed me { and others} of the chance to do this thing safely. 

I went to the gym near my house and ran a mile on the tread-climber. 

It was weird. To be honest, the thought of returning to a closed space where other people are in & out every day made me twitchy. Both Brian and I have been fully-vaccinated  for some time, but the thought of returning to my gym still creeped me out. 

I've been sticking to the Pandemic Life workout ritual of walking around my neighborhood-- staying away from other people and enjoying the free-flow of air. 

Today it rained-- and more rain in the forecast, My spinal stenosis was flaring-- and I've learned that the best anecdote for the pain is to move my body.  Staying stationary only aggravates the nerve roots that are being pressed upon. A look at the radar and a consult with Brian helped me to decide that an attempt to get a cardio  workout  outdoors was not a wise idea. 

So i put on my big gal panties and braved the gym. In my bag I carried my own water bottle & towel, and plenty of disinfectant wipes. Additionally, I wore a mask. 

Thankfully, I arrived to an empty gym and immediately ascended the tread-climber. Still completely masked I set the machine to run a mile. 

Dear Ones, I ran a respectable mile while wearing a cotton face mask.  Furthermore, I had no trouble breathing through the well-fitting cotton face mask. 

The gym was empty. But I did not feel 100 percent comfortable staying in a room that is closed in  save for one door. It mattered not how " silly" I might look to passersby-- I am venturing out in public within the boundaries of my comfort level. 

My metric for public outings is: Mask up unless everyone in a group is also vaccinated. Too many people in my part of Florida are not yet vaccinated, and I wear a mask for the protection of others as well as for my own safety. 

I clocked in a mile run in 6 minutes 47 seconds.  I'm in my mid-forties, and with a chronic back issue. Yet still I ran & I am damn proud of myself on two levels. Firstly: I braved the gym itself. Secondly: I made a damn GOOD mile time-- especially since I have nor ran i over a year. 

Our Governor has eased masking in Florida. However: I will remain masked in public until  herd immunity is reached. If people see my masked face as a " political statement"-- so be it. I put my trust in science, and although I know that I cannot force people to wear masks-- I can show by my own behavior that I am living out the call to care for others' safety & health . I will mask up.. and kick butt i the gym! 

Namaste...

Sarah McCarren

10 May 2021

St Julian's Day....

                                       Original art banner by Jessica B-Q hanging in the Chapel of Beckwith Camp & Retreat Center. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

"Triune God, Father and Mother to us all, who showed your servant Julian revelations of your nurturing and sustaining love: Move our hearts, like hers, to seek you above all things, for in giving us yourself you give us all. Amen." ~ Collect for St Julian of Norwich

Today is the Feast Day of Dame Julian of Norwich, Mystic and Anchoress.

Dame Julian has been a frequent companion with me in my quiet time. Her wisdom, gleaned from a life during which three waves of the Bubonic Plague hit Europe-- and from her vantage point of her life enclosed in a small hut from which she interacted with the world via one window speaks to me now.

First of all, Julian knows something about " sheltering in place". Although her sequestering away from other humans was voluntary, I can draw some similarities between her life as an anchoress & the early days of Covid Life. The only " window" that we modern people hag]d was a computer connected to the Internet. As a matter of fact, such Internet-based technologies probably kept our society going during the worst of the modern plague. For many of us, sheltering-in-place was scary. Zoom offered us a " window" in which we could interact with people we love-- as we stayed anchored to our homes to protect ourselves & others from a new virus.

I remember how grateful I felt to see & hear people I love in real time as we waited for medical science to catch up to this new pathogen. Had I known about the life of Julian, and how her sheltering-in-place led her to write the first book that was published in English by a woman. While I struggled to find meaning with the Internet at my disposal, Julian composed her famous book Revelations of Divine Love

I struggled to keep my faith during the Spring & Summer of 2020, and Julian offered spiritual advice to whomever showed up at the window of her stone hut. I am for the Technology Team, guided by our clergy, who managed to keep us connected digitally when even Sunday worship was suspended due to the plague. Praying the Daily Office online-- especially Evening Prayer-- helped keep me centered during the days that otherwise ran together in a weird _Groundhog Day: The Movie_ fashion. I discovered that intentionally turning to God in prayer two or three times per day. As we slowly begin to re-emerge in public again, I still pause for Evening Prayer on weekdays. There are a faithful few of us who are regulars at that particular " window".

Window of my church's nave, looking into the nave from the garden outside. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie.

I sense that St Julian would be among us from her window if she were among us on Earth right now.

Meeting St Julian at this time in my life has also awakened my understanding { an understanding that was innate in my soul but never given " permission" to be fruitful. Julian's understanding of God the Creator as both Father and MOTHER allows me to embrace my own embodiment of Authentic Motherhood. As a move into my 45th year of Earthly life--I look forward to germinating more art via my paintings, photos and wordsmithing. Thanks in part to St Julian { and some other fabulous childless " Mothers" I know } I can embrace my vocation of co-creating with Mother/Father God as a creator or words & pictures. I'm beginning to see that raising art & germinating ideas is another way to nurture life.

Tending to the needs of little humans is sacred work . It is important work-- society depends on those who parent the next generation. I salute biological & adoptive parents. I also finally embrace myself as co-creator with God.

Love. Service. Protection.

Amen.

Sarah Elizabeth McCarren

Feast of St Julian of Norwich 2021

 

A Better Attitude: Mother's Day Weekend 2021

             Group photo of the attendees of the 2021 Parish Women's Retreat. Photo by Brian. 

It is Mother's Day Weekend, and for once in my entire adult life, I am not bitter.  While I still think that Mother's { and Father's} Day is/are totally " Hallmark Holidays" I enter this weekend with a sense of peace. 

I am not, nor will I ever be a " mother" in the sense that I raised little humans. 

What's more, I'll be 45 years old later this month--- officially entering my ' crone' years. 

Realizing that I-- although childless-- embody part of the Divine Feminine/Earth Mother has helped me 
find peace with both aging and childlessness. Spending time in a glorious part of Mother Earth's Creation with women from all walks of life helped me tap into my own part of the Authentic Mother of which Julian of Norwich writes. 

There is something powerful and healing about an intentional community of women. I saw Earth Mother manifest herself in the words and actions of each woman who attended that retreat with me. Each woman there, in her own way, helped me to meet & eventually embrace my own Motherhood. 

I, too, and a co-creator with God. I generate art via painting, photography & writing. I nurture our dog and our betta fish. 

When I see my niece and nephew, I spend quality time with them. 

I volunteer with our Children's Faith Formation team, sharing sacred stories of our faith virtually. I look forward to the day when it is safe to sit in a circle full of children and hear their responses to the " Wondering" questions. 

For those who hurt this weekend, I understand and sit with you in solidarity. Western Society is afraid of the strength of  Authentic Motherhood & The Divine Feminine, so she { and we} are squashed into a box. 

Y'all, I am Sarah. I am woman. Hear me ROAR . 

In the Name of the Divine Three...

Sarah McCarren

May 7 2021. 

Calming the 2020 " Storms" and Post-Storm Cleanup.

                               Anglican rosary that I made during this year's Women's Retreat.  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

Today's Gospel reading for the Evening Prayer office was very much relevant to my life during these weird days of moving into the post-Covid " normal". 

Let me refresh some memories. Today's passage, taken from the 8th chapter of The Gospel of Luke, tells a story of Jesus in a boat with His friends. 

It is nighttime. One of those sudden sea storms appears, whipping the boat into a wavy tempest. Understandable, the disciples are frightened. No one wants to get caught unprepared for a storm at sea. 

Living on the gorgeous Gulf Coast of Northwest Florida: I know something about the terror of storms. In autumn of 2020 -- in the middle of a pandemic-- Pensacola was surprised by a storm. 

It was scary. 

What does Jesus, their Teacher & friend do when His companions woke Him with news of a sudden storm? Let's look at the text. 

And He woke up and rebuked the wind & the raging waves, they ceased & there was a calm."

There is no doubt in my mind that Year 2020 , the Year of Covid, has seen its share of stormy weather.  First there is the " storm" of a deadly, global pandemic. The nation literally shut down as scientists scrambled to make sense of this new virus.  The storm of Covid crashed over our society , as people were literally staying safe in homes. As cases climbed , & hospitals became clogged with Covid patients, people started to panic. Toilet paper { of all commodities}  became scarce as people rushed to stores and hoarded rolls of  Charmin. 

Jesus calms our storms, but we modern disciples have access to Him through our relationships with others. Even during the worst of the Covid Pandemic storm, Christians everywhere remained tethered to Jesus while in community. Circumstances of Covid safety made, and still makes safety regulations necessary for gathering in community, but  seeing the end of the Covid Storm as more people get their vaccinations, gives me reason for tangible HOPE.

Will life pre-Pandemic return to " normal?"  More importantly, should life return to pre-Pandemic status quo? 

Author and theologian Matthew Fox says this: 

"A pandemic is too important to waste. This pandemic is here to wake us up. To what? To a ' new normal". One that honors the sacredness of the earth and all its life forms. One that honors the divine feminine alongside the sacred masculine ... " 

I agree with Mr Fox. For years, humankind has plundered Mother Earth,  shamed and defiled the embodied Sacred feminine that is found in all female persons. Too many childre grew up to value being wealthy over kindness. 

The storm came. Our Savior  who came to Earth to show humans a Way of Love by turning the power structures of His place and time upside down still is calming storms. 

We, as His disciples now, are charged with post storm cleanup. Things are different now. None of us who survived the worst of Covid are the same people we were in January 2020. It is my hope & prayer that our " new normal" is a kinder, gentler society. 

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren 

5 May 2021

 

An Afternoon of Text-Based Advocacy For Transgender Athletes

                                                        Graphic I found online. Source unknown 

Well, I tried a new thing today.  In an attempt to get out of both my " comfort zone' & start to re-engage with advocacy work IN the community { as opposed to Social Media Advocacy}, I joined a text-banking campaign to try to get Florida voters to call our Governor and ask him to refuse to sign a cruel and discriminating bill into law. the bill in question will make it LEGAL for medical personnel to examine a  child's genitals to " prove" that she is a girl. This is aimed at transgender student-athletes , and I feel it is cruel and unusual. 

I received some--- interesting--- replies to my initial text. Suffice it to say that many Floridians are either 1) bigoted against trans people and/or 2} totally MISINFORMED about medical treatment for trans girls. 

It is truly heartbreaking that many people are so comfortable inn their cis-heteronormative mindsets/lives that they cannot open their minds and hearts to facts. 

Fact: Trans girls are GIRLS. 

Fact: Gender and assigned sex are two different things that often line up-- but sometimes a person assigned one sex birth knows their identity to be of another gender. 

Transgender people exist, and trans athletes deserve to play with of us, regardless ofthers of their gender. 

While I am grateful that I had this opportunity to do some justice work for other athletes, I am saddened by many of the responses from Floridians 

I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted from today. However, this does not mean that I am quitting my advocacy work. Quite the opposite--- as it becomes safer to do so, I plan to engage with others  in a more personal way in the near future. Even if the governor signs this disgusting bill into law, I will rest easier knowing that I actively worked for justice for transgender athletes in Florida. 

At Baptism, Christians are asked if we will strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?  {BCP page 305 }

To this we answer: I will, with God's Help. 

ALL of us who profess Christ as our Advocate and Sibling, have a responsibility to work towards making this world more just for all. 

I am a cisgender woman, but my faith and sense of duty to my human siblings requires that I stand up for those who are oppressed. As a cis-gender person, I cannot imagine the pain that a trans girl endures if she is told to play on the  boys' team. As a woman and former school athlete, I stand with ALL girls and women who wish to play sports. 

I will not give up. 

Namaste, 

Sarah McCarren

4 May 2021

#HalfwayTo90 : Freedom to be FULLY MYSELF

                                    Me being my unbridled self with " Lucky" , my parents' puppy Photo by                                 Brian. 

It is May, 2021-- my birth month. This year I will be " halfway to 90" , and coming out of Pandemic Life, I plan to celebrate. 

It is true that aging has brought about some physical issues that were not present a decade ago-- I'm scheduled for a noninvasive spinal injection procedure on my actual birthday. { Happy birthday, indeed!!} I am happy to reach the midpoint in my life. 

I can say, with confidence " THIS IS WHO I AM. "

Sometimes I think the COVID year has been helpful in my coming to terms, and becoming confident about who I am and what I value. 

Some people say I am " too liberal" . 

Over the past year I've learned that I can't deal with science-denying  people who choose to think that a virus that killed over half a million Americans is ' a left-wing conspiracy'. I hate how public health has become so partisan, and i refuse to stop my quest of Vaccination Advocacy.  I am also continuing my quest to educate people about why Black and Transgender Lives Matter. 

Regarding the hideous, cruel anti-transgender bill that is heading to our governor's desk here in Florida-- I will continue to advocate for transgender people -- especially trans athletes. 

I'll continue to educate myself on issues dear to my heart. 

If that makes me " liberal" so be it! 

Also, I'll continue to advocate for body-positivity for ALL body types. Humans, in all our physical diversity, are beautiful. Eating disorders are the result of society shaming any body that is not " average. This includes archaic dress codes for school kids. Oddly enough, I am actually in favor of school uniforms--- that way NO ONE is singled out for her " inappropriate" clothing. Dress codes target female-identifying people and people of certain body types. 

I am a feminist. This does not mean that I hate men. I'm married to a male person, and he is one of the world's best humans. Most men are great. But that does not mean that the patriarchal ways of our Puritan past has evaporated. We've come a long way-- and I credit the women who did some serious work to win the rights that my generation takes for granted. We are not done yet-- there is still too much toxic masculinity that permeates American culture. 

I'm halfway to 90-- and finally claiming myself. Life is too short to wallow in outdated, oppressive ways of life. 

Midlife is freeing! 

Onward. 

Sarah McCarren

2 May 2021

An Eastertide Gift: Spinal Repair

                                               Self-portrait of The Pensacola Hippie 

 Happy Easter, y'all! { Remember, Easter is a season } 

After the longest, Lentiest Lent in recent history, I feel a sense of renewal among many people. Americans are sl-ow-ly wising up and getting the vaccinations against COVID, and as a result many of us are venturing out  among the public again. 

 I won't lie: the public scares the crap out of me.  Last week I finally got in to see a pain specialist about my spinal stenosis. While waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I witnessed some patients blatantly refuse to wear masks or wear them improperly. 

However, my turn to see the doctor finally happened and she informed me that she can help me become pain-free with an outpatient procedure. No surgery and { more importantly} no addictive drugs needed to make me feel " whole" again. 

As someone who lives to be physically-fit and spend time outdoors, one of the hardest part of the Covid Lent was slowly losing function and strength in my lower body. In addition to the pain and numbness, spinal stenosis also affects other areas of a person's lower body-- including balance. the pain, numbness and loss of balance and other functions that depend on the affected nerve roots left me feeling trapped both in mind and body. 

 I had to face my COVID fears and venture out to get help I needed. If I allow my nervousness around strangers to envelope me, I'll never more forward. 

 Baby steps forward into Unvaccinated/Unmaksed Land { a,k,a Santa Rosa County }are essential. 

 Recovery from this pandemic is a long-term process, both collectively and as individuals.  I look at my upcoming spinal procedure as yet another small step towards post-pandemic life. As it becomes safe to do so, it is my hope and prayer that I start serving my community again. Living a pain-and other symptoms-of-spinal-stenosis-free life is a step towards wholeness. 

Thanks be to God for MEDICAL Science that brings the vaccine to humankind  and offers me a drug-free solution to a debilitating spine condition. 

Happy Easter, indeed! Alleluia! 

Sarah McCarren

1 May 2021