This morning, Brian and I woke early and headed to church for the special Lenten Early Mass that is held at 06:30 on Wednesdays during Lent. This makes for tan early morning for us, but the practice of driving to church at sunrise and worshipping among some of our people makes for a pleasant Lenten discipline
In the homily spot, our priest told us about how the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi-a technique that repairs broken pottery with filled gold -is a metaphor for our own faith walks now. She alluded to the story in Jeremiah-- where God is described as a all-powerful potter. However, rather than destroy the imperfect creation. The Potter gently repairs the cracks, redeeming the vessel while the scars add beauty that wasn't there in the " new" clay pot.
This metaphor is both useful to describe my spiritual " brokenness" { and all of us are " broken" in some way or another} Yet what really resonated with me is how my chronic, painful , messed-up spine might somehow help me be a healer for others.
Since age 12, my back has been a source of pain on all levels. In sixth grade, the school nurse discovered that my back curved too much to one side. She referred me to my doctor, who then referred me to a spinal surgeon at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh.
During the summer between my sixth and seventh grade year, I spent three weeks in the hospital, had TWO major spinal surgeries where titanium implants were used to put my unnaturally-curved spine together properly. Before I was discharged, I was measured for a brace that went from my shoulder blades to my tailbone-- a contraption that I had to wear twenty three our of twenty four hours for months.
I went through seventh grade feeling completely " broken". I was not permitted to ride the school bus, nor take Physical Education.
My reconstructed back has served me well until now. In high school, I managed to be on both the basketball and track teams. Until recently, I could still run a decent mile on the treadmill . Until recently, there was very little that I could not do with my repaired back.
Aging, with its many gifts, also has a cost.
Over thirty years later and my " broken " back is causing me more pain. Due to the hardware placement in my lower back, I have narrowing of the spinal column { spinal stenosis} and am in pain often. Naturally the chronic pain amid a COVID pandemic messes with my feelings of self-worth. I am a disabled 40-something with a spine that has been " broken" since childhood.
But I was reminded today that God loves me --- titanium spine and all. God uses our scars and out places of pain to make us even more in the Image of The Creator. How can we use our own " golden scars" that we earn in life to help bring peace and hope to others? For me, my medical ordeal early in life has given me an appreciation for what the human body can do. It has also given me the ability to feel compassion-- suffering with-- for people who live with chronic pain.
Amen
~Sarah McCarren
3 March 2021
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