Hands, Hugs and Smiles

Hands of three women{ myself included} together on the altar of the Chapel at Beckwith Camp & Conference Center.  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

God-willing, I am scheduled to receive my first dose of the  Moderna COVID19 vaccination tomorrow.  As with everything that is scheduled to occur during this season, I wait with cautious optimism.  Procuring this initial dose for myself was NOT easy-- and I am grateful to my primary care doctor for writing the waiver for me { since my autoimmune condition is not listed on Florida's " approved " conditions. My condition is called Raynaud's Disease, and it affects the blood vessels in my extremities. 

Anyway, I've been contemplating what life will look like for me once I achieve full immunity. After a full twelve months of refraining from touching anyone but my spouse, I am ready to hug again. I realize that some people are not fond of  handshakes , hugs and other forms of close physical contact with anyone other than their immediate family, and I understand. yet for me,  a person for whom physical touch is one of my " love languages", the forced " hands off" policy is hard. 

God gifted we humans with five senses, and COVIDtide has forced us to show love for each other by staying physically apart. I love Brian, and am grateful that I have someone in my household-- I shudder to think what this past year would have looked like had I lived alone.  

After living life in two-dimensions, when we are finally able to venture into the world among strangers and I find that I am uncertain. As much as I adore hugs, handshakes, high-fives , ect from people I know and love, I am wary of returning to big crowds of strangers. I am so accustomed to veering away  from strangers I encounter in the general public that I am not sure how my psyche will handle long lines, crowded streets downtown, and packed beaches.  This is especially true in my area, where a certain segment of the population will NOT get the vaccine. { yes, Northwest Florida is full of fools who still believe COVID to be " a hoax"--- even after more than half a million souls perished. We cannot fix stupid!}

I've not hugged my own father in over a year, nor have I properly shaken hands with pew neighbors on Sundays. Its been a full year since I've assisted with Eucharist at church, bearing the sacred Cup and remining loved ones " The Blood of Christ, spilled for you. "

Regarding masks, I'll continue to wear one , but am weary of not seeing smiles. Again, God designed we humans to communicate both verbally and nonverbally, and much nonverbal human communication occurs using facial muscles.  As grateful as I am for being able to somewhat re-engage right now { Brian is fully vaccinated}, I admit that its still  totally creepy to look around me and see masked faces. While the masking is absolutely necessary, for me it is a sad necessity. I have learned to communicate much more using only my eyes--- and with deep-set eyes I can say a lot! 

The eyes have it--- at least right now. I am smiling her, but the mask obstructs it.

 Photo by Brian. 

 I still must wait approximately six weeks to hug my Dad and other people. I am on the home stretch-- I can do this... I SHALL do this. 

~Sarah McCarren

Feast Of St Patrick

March 17, 2021