Morning sun photo by The Pensacola Hippie
CW: Assault & Domestic Abuse
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Today I had the treat of tuning in via Facebook Live to the Saturday evening Mass at St James Episcopal Church in Hendersonville, NC{ Yes, the same Hendersonville that Brian and I will stay during our vacation in the Carolina Highlands. }
First , let me mention that I had not heard Christie+ preach since she left Gulf Breeze, so I'd forgotten what an excellent preacher my former rector is & always has been. It was such treat to see her online and hear her preach again.
However, the lessons that are appointed for this week center around FORGIVENESS. Starting with Christ's commandment about how much to forgive a sibling-in-faith : 77 times 7 ! { I hate math! } The priest talks about how the number 7 symbolizes physical & spiritual wholeness . So, perhaps Jesus is telling us that we must continue to forgive-- that forgiveness is a lifelong journey?
Interestingly enough, I remember a conversation Christie+ and I had regarding forgiving some people who had done some spiritual damage to my soul.
Regarding forgiving my siblings-in-Christ, she said { and I am paraphrasing} " Sarah, Christ commands us to forgive. However, it is not always wise to forget."
I am older and a wee bit wiser now, and looking back, I realize that it is true. As long as we humans hold onto resentment, anger , and other negative emotions towards what was done to us by another, we cannot be whole nor free. Forgiveness is essential for our psychological & spiritual health. For Christians, living according to The Way of {Christ's} Love means that forgiveness is constant. We do not forgive others for their benefit. Rather, true forgiveness { or accepting another's forgiveness when we wrong people} sets US free.
Yet forgiving someone does not require that the person accept the offender back into their lives. Yes, reconciliation is possible and should occur in most situations. However, some situations require a " clean break" from the offending person. Reconciliation is not safe.
For an example: I would NEVER advise a person to return to their abusive partner/spouse. Forgiving one's domestic batterer is essential: but to return to living with that person is dangerous. the same is with a person who harms a child. My forgiving my ex-neighbor who will face trail for some hideous behavior towards a child is essential for my spiritual & emotional well being. It is not my duty to punish him--- he will have to face both the court and his maker to reckon for what he has done. Yet forgiving him comes with my keeping an even safer distance from this person. I don't want nor need all his poison, so I forgive but remain safely away from his drama.
In other words, revenge is NOT mine to have against this person, but I surely am not footing the bill for his defense! If a clergy person told me that I had to welcome back to my life a person who had harmed me physically, I would find another church. { thankfully I've been blessed with awesome clergy}
Perhaps we women are especially careful to separate forgiveness & reconciliation. I hear stories of women who are sexually assaulted by a person { gender DOES NOT MATTER HERE} in a position of power & are convinced that they must return to the toxic environment.
Forgive? Yes. Return to relationship with that person? NO!
All of us are given so much grace: we can never attain perfection and we will get hurt and hurt people. None of us are without sin-- but we have a God Who knows what " being fully human " entails.
The Way of Love is paved with forgiving others and accepting forgiveness. Thanks be to God!
Amen.
~Sarah McCarren
9/12-13/2020
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