No Matter Who Wins: We All Lose

 My " Worry Doll" on my home altar. There is not enough incense nor sage for me to rie my soul of the dread I feel at this " "Merica. " Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

 The national Presidential election is still too close to call. I should be holding out on hope. Yet I am in despair. 

  No matter who wins the White House, America is broken. 

  Four years ago I made up my mind to be fair to the winner--- as much as I dislike him. Maybe his horrible personality hid a good leader. So, I gave him a chance to change my mind. 

   All he did over four years was to remind people who he is  and what sort of " America" he stands for. These past few years have seen racial & /ethnic /violence,  more people without basic needs due to a poor job market, increased tension between our nation and other world superpowers , climate change  and a world pandemic. 

  I've ceased speaking to some people I love because I cannot fathom why they openly support such a hate-filled platform. 

   And our leadership at the top has done nothing to curb these issues. Failure to act at the top allows for the less-intelligent of us to keep living in a fairyland-- one where " COVID is a hoax." Meanwhile, people die and others { such as myself & people I love}  are forced into a mere existence. To be honest, I don't know why I bother to exist anymore--- other than for my husband. Thanks to COVID, days run together into one big COVID DAY. I'm not looking forward to the holidays-- pandemic life makes for unsafe travel. 

  Existing is hard, and it looks like hate is the new normal. 

  I've lost so much. Everyone has lost so much. But for what are we staying alive?

  Honestly, looking at the numbers coming in today--- seeing how complacent Americans are with " life" as we are forced to live now is scary. My faith is shaken.... how can a loving God allow for so many people to vote against human decency--- giving power to people who seek to rip apart the Constitution . 

   I'm afraid for myself. However, I m more afraid for my loved ones whose very loves & lives are at stake with this most recent Supreme Court appointment. As an American with Ashkenazi Jewish blood, it is etched in my cells the horror of the extermination of 6 million of my mother's people.  I'm afraid of what the future will be for my beautiful nephew & niece--- children with mixed heritage. 

  Black lives matter to me. 

  During the midterms, I tried to pro-actively fight the evil. I volunteered for a Congressional campaign for a person whom I felt really was qualified to lead in the change for a safer, saner society. She  lost the race to a Holocaust-denying, Proud-Boy keeping spoiled frat boy. She did earn 33 percent of the vote in this heavily red-leaning district, and I am proud of the team who worked so hard. 

  However, my experience with that campaign jaded me. The time I spent volunteering for that campaign is time for which I am grateful. I've met some wonderful, like-minded souls through that channel and for these people I am grateful. Thanks to that campaign, I no longer feel so isolated as a blue dot. From my volunteer campaign work, I've met some great people in the Pensacola area-- people whose Facebook posts fill me with hope by reminding me that I am not alone. 

  Frankly, I feel more of a kinship with those I met on the campaign trail two years ago than I do with some blood relatives. Sadly, I'm re-evaluating what " family" means to me & this is painful work. To me nd to so many others, this Presidential campaign is much bigger than ANY political party. I do not reject the Republican party--- I reject what it has become. It boggles my mind how the party of Abraham Lincoln morphed into the embodiment of racism and bigotry. I have nothing against THe Republican party. I do, however, hold a dislike for Donald Trump. He has brought out the worst in the people of this country. 

  No matter who wins the White House, we all lose. 

  My nation is broken, and I see no way of fixing it. Enough people clearly support bigotry. I cannot. I shall not. Love is in this messy mix somewhere. 

  May God help us all.......

  Sarah

 

  

Day 9 #PrayingWithFrancis : Love and to Be Loved

 

                             " Love God, Love People" It SHOULD be that easy, am I right? Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

                            "... to LOVE, as to be Loved...."

It is the day before a HUGE Election Day and I am sitting at my desk trying my hardest to not " borrow trouble." I want to believe the best about the intents of my sister and fellow American voters, but 2016 still haunts me. I'm also feeling tension because Election 2020 has brought out the worst in people whom I love... family members whom, up until now I'd respected . 

 I love them, but I don't respect their opinions anymore. It is also hard that these people do not even acknowledge their bias against non-white people, their mysogyny and disdain for anyone who is " different." 

   I'm scheduled for an interview { via phone} this week with a representative from the Social Security Administration. While I'm certain { as certain as anyone can be these days} that my health insurance benefits won't  end, this brings up yet another reason why I struggle to love others  who would rather see people like me unable to afford our medications  than to work together for a just nation.  

  I'm on two heavy drugs that are life-saving--- and I know that I am not the only American who depend on help to afford medication that keeps us alive. I don't discuss life with Bipolar 2 , because I've been steady { due to medication} for YEARS. My own struggle with mental illness & physical challenges hs made me more compassionate towards others who are " different" . 

  I'm just one of many who suffer from invisible medical conditions. I would not wish this on anyone. As Dr Spencer Reid on TV's _Criminal Minds_ once stated " I know what its like to be afraid of your own mind."

   I do my best to " Love God . Love People" daily.  I don't want to contribute further to the division. The lack of civility & compassion for others that the nation has seen in the past few years saddens me.. Responding with LOVE in a world filled with HATRED is hard. 

   I trust God . Sadly, I don't think I can trust most people anymore. I feel fragile, in spite of the medication. Feeling fragile sucks! 

  How can I LOVE people who refuse to understand that our faith demands that we take care of each other---- the widow, the orphan, the sick? How can I love people who go on " mission trips" to " evangelize the Africans" , while here at home rationalizing the culture of systemic racism? What about those who see the face of Christ i their own grandmother yet would deny the humanity of the elderly Black woman at the soup kitchen? 

How? 

~Sarah

Feast of All Souls 2020

#PrayingWithFrancis Day 8 : Understood & Understanding

 

                                            A heron in flight. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

                                            "... To be UNDERSTOOD as to UNDERSTAND..."

I'll be frank with y'all, I do NOT understand how ANYONE can vote for Donald Trump this year.  

2016, okay-- many didn't like Hillary Clinton. Heck--- I don't like Hillary Clinton! But, when it comes to the choice of bad and worse--- it makes sense to vote for the bad one. I know that partisanship plays a lot on making choices , but several classic Republicans I know either DID NOT vote for DJT or ARE NOT voting for him again. 

Nearly four years later-- and really what has this President done ? Full disclosure: I am a Democrat. However, I am no so loyal to my party that I'd put partisanship over the needs of ALL Americans. If the current President ran as a Democrat in 2016-- I would have voted Republican. 

I am a Democrat-- and I wear that label with pride. But first, I am a Christian. Secondly, I am an American. As a follower of Christ, I seek to work towards bringing the nation, the state & the city closer to God's shalom. As a Christian, I hate partisan politics.  As a more moderate Democrat I htae some respect for the classic GOP's platform-- even if I do not agree . There are good & bad people of every political stripe. Politics, just like people, are complicated. 

But the one thing that baffles me this election cycle is Donald Trump.  I cannot understand why people still think he's such a good person and deserves a second term. Full disclosure again: I have never liked the man. I was CRUSHED when he won enough electoral votes to become President. As much as I sensed who he has proven himself to be, I did give him a fair chance. 

I tried to overlook his personal flaws. But his personal flaws bled into his style of " leading" from the bully pulpit. Time and time again, this man revealed his true nature to America-- yet some stand by him. He spreads his hatred of anyone not rich, White " christian' and straight. He has appointed a Supreme Court justice who works with people who wish to eradicate civil rights that Justice Ginsberg  spent her entire career securing. 

 Lies and ineptitude regarding the pandemic has costed hundreds of thousands of American lives. He ignores science and continues 

I DO understand my Black & Brown friends' fear of police brutality within their communities. 

I love and support people in my life who fear that their same-gender marriage might be invalidated. 

We uterus-owners unite against overturning Roe. 

  I do not understand Donald Trump's appeal. I cannot understand why people I love think he deserves a second term.  I have tried to understand party loyalty, but cannot go this far with someone such as Trump.

 As I've stated , I totally understand political partisanship. I'm a Democrat. 

But first I am a Christian. Second, I am an American. 

Trump supporters, I love you. I just don't understand your choice. 

God be with ya. 

~Sarah

#PrayingWithFrancis Day 7 { Skipped a day} Console

 

                                               Rosary beads. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

    "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console..."

       As we inch closer and closer to the General Election 2020, my heart is heavy. Brian and I took advantage of early Florida voting and did our civic duty. But to be honest, I am scared.  I am scared for the vulnerable people in this great nation. As I see more and more of what I was raised to espouse be tossed out  by some people who want to Make America White Again. 

   I'm scared for my Black and Brown friends who could see more of their own become victims of police brutality & racial profiling. 

   While my marriage, as a cisgender woman married to a cisgender man, is protected, many people I love stand a chance of having their legal marriages invalidated. 

   As a person born with a uterus, I DO NOT think that anyone--- ESPECIALLY OLD MEN, should tell me or any uterus-owner what to do with our bodies.  

   I am a Christian, but am frightened of the branch of the faith that sustains me that seems to have taken over the Supreme Court. 

   My rights--- and the rights of people I love-- are up for grabs. 

   Its unthinkable what could happen in the future--- even my five-year old niece could lose her right to play varsity sports -- a right that was not too long ago unattainable for girls & women.

  I'm scared. Furthermore, I am angry that the society in which I was raised has devolved into where human rights are pawns in a political game. 

  The following Scripture passage appeared on my church's Facebook page: 

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

~ Isaiah 43:1-3

Frankly, I feel the " waters" rising as tis election comes closer. I want to believe that God is in this, but I see nothing in many of my human siblings that is evidence of God. I cannot imagine a God that would deny God's own people basic human rights. Everyone deserves to live, to love whom they choose { if all parties are adults} . God understands that we womb-bearers are fully capable of making tough choices for our own health. God made all God's people in beautiful hues, and I cannot imagine a God Who " favors " we White people over all other skin tones.

The " fire" that has been this political season has not yet consumed me. But in the interest of full disclosure, I've come way too close lately to being burned alive . I navigate the rough " waters " of Pandemic Life -- not knowing when I'll get to hug my father again or enjoy seeing the smiles of people at church.

If I learned anything during this time-- it is to live fully into the person whom God created . No more, and no less. Most people have had to let expectations go during this pandemic, but I'm finding that letting certain people go has been hard but necessary work. I have not been to Pittsburgh in over two years-- and I'm doubting if I even should try to return next summer. Spending a week in the beautiful North Carolina mountains is probably more soul-filling than doing my best to shut up and nod in the presence of family members who clearly do not share my values.

God is with us.... and God understands why we feel so disoriented at this moment in history. People disappoint-- God is steadfast. That is my consolation.

Namaste....

~Sarah

  

  

#PrayingWithFrancis Day 6 Darkness & Light......

 Undated photo of a sunrise over the cross at Byrne Chapel. Beckwith Camp and Conference Center, Fairhope , Alabama. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

                    "...where there is darkness, let me sow light..."

On this day, two years ago, eleven souls were gunned down while worshipping in their Pittsburgh synagogue. I was in Panama City, Florida on the second of two work trips to aid in cleanup after Hurricane Michael devastated that area. 

  It was a dark day for our nation, but as someone with European Jewish ancestry*** and*** s someone who grew up in the Pittsburgh area, this is an especially dark day. Never in my lifetime hd I or did I expect to see people murdered for simply being Jewish. 

   Two years later I still recall that day like it happened only last week. I'd opened Facebook on my phone to post some photos of the beautiful church sanctuary light when I saw " Prayers for Pittsburgh" from several people. Startled and curious, I opened the CNN News App on my phone and read about the shooting in a familiar Pittsburgh neighborhood. 

  Stunned, I sat on the piano bench & cried. 

Actually the proper response to honor the dead in the Jewish faith is " May their memory be a blessing." But, the important part is that we remember their names. 

   I'm mindful of the others who've cried at the news of race or ethnicity-based violence at a place of worship. Buildings where people gather to worship are supposed to be safe places.  Yet darkness, in the form of one human with hate in his heart, found its way into a light-bearing community of Pittsburghers. 

  Two years later, we've seen more racially-based violence  than we've seen in my entire lifetime.  The dark forces that surround us are hidden in plain sight. When the darkness feels emboldened, it snuffs out the light. 

  Ask anyone who knows me, I'm not a fan of darkness. As the number of daylight hours dwindles as winter approaches the Northern Hemisphere, I find myself adversely affected by literal darker days.  My physical/emotional and spiritual health is good while basking in light. 

   As a Christian, I do my best to BE that Light that this broken world needs so much. Yet this calendar years has thrown many of us ' off our game'.  It is hard to bring that Light to others when a pandemic prohibits even the most casual human touch between people outside of one's household. 

  Many of us are socializing primarily-- o entirely-- online. nd while technology is a blessing during these times, the human soul and mind can only endure so much ZOOMing and other virtual events. Since we are forced to maintain distance between us right now-- the aloneness that many of us feel only feeds more darkness. 

So what can we do to bring Light into darkness? 

We can think of how our own choices affect others-- we can look at a person who is radically different from ourselves and see them as a Beloved Creation of the Creator. Especially, if we disagree with them in any way , we need to see their humanity and hope they see ours. 

 Those of us with privilege can and absolutely SHOULD check our assumptions at the door wen we enter spaces occupied by minority groups. For instance, while I am proud of my Jewish heritage, I am also mindful that I was not raised Jewish.  In The USA, being a Christian of any stripe gives one privilege . Own it. I do. I'm a cis-gendered woman married to a man, so I check my privilege at that door & listen to the needs and fears of people I know and love who are in same-gender relationships & marriages. 

We can do better { all of us} to live more sustainably. We were gifted this great Earth , and the selfishness of humans over time has left her wounded and in pain. We know now that certain practices help to heal our Earth and other well-loved ways further harm our planet. Humans are not alone on the Earth, and we can work to bring Light to other creatures and geologic features of our one home planet. 

Carry that Light. 

Amen. 

~Sarah

   

#PrayingWithFrancis Day 5 Despair & Hope

 

                                       A sunrise on Bayou Texar, near our home in Pensacola. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie . C. 2020 All rights reserved. 

      "... where there is DESPAIR, let me sow HOPE...." 

Y'all, in spite of a glorious kayaking morning on the bayou near our home , I am feeling despair. As much as I try to put all my concerns in the God-box, I feel hope-less. Thanksgiving, our five year anniversary, Advent and Christmastide are coming up soon. Instead of the Thanksgiving gratitude & joyous anticipation  of dvent, I feel nothing but despair. 

To be honest, I've felt this way since last weekend-- when so much of life hand a " normal-ish" ring to it.  Yesterday was awesome at church, Brian and I got to serve as ushers at the later morning service, followed by handing out candy to parish children at the COVID-safe version of Trunk Or Treat. For a short time, life was as close to " normal" as this pandemic will allow. 

 As the pandemic wears on and the election draws closer, I think about all the losses that many of us encountered this year. I also fear for more losses in the future. Relationships with people whom I've loved my entire life are fractured--- and I do not know if I will ever see these dear ones as the people I'd thought  I knew for over four decades. I find myself re-evaluating my relationships with people after I voted my conscious a couple of weeks go. 

 Of course I will continue to love these folx, as Christ teaches us to love, but seeing the pandemic & the election season bring out the worst in people makes me want to step back from some for my own mental health. 

As a Christian with Ashkenazi Jewish DNA, I want to sk there dear ones" 

"Would you hide me and my immediate family if we were in Nazi-run Europe and you had means & space to hide us? Or, would you be a " good German" and turn us in to Hitler's henchmen?"'

I think I know what their answer will be. European Jews, like other minority groups, look at life differently than White, ' christian " 'Mericans. 

I'm in despair because people, including people I love, would sacrifice principles for personalities. 

Daily I use the time I have at home { ya know 'cos PEOPLE STILL WON'T MASK UP" } to search for hope among the despair. I find it in small things, such as a wonderful local support group of which I am a member. Compiled totally of women from all walks of life, we do our best to lift each other up during these dicey , scary times. I know many of them, but some of these women I know only through the Internet. COVID has taken away our monthly card games, but we send memes back and forth, and encourage each other during bad days. These gals have my back { and I have theirs}

 It isn't healthy for me to wallow in despair over other people's choices. I know that I--- and people I DO know --- are doing our best to make the USA more just for all persons. 

  Daily I waffle between total despair and hopeful anticipation that { most } people are good . 

Amen. 

~Sarah

#PrayingWithFrancis Day 4 Doubt And Faith

Photo of my authentic " Worry Doll" , made in Guatemala She lives on my home altar, and reminds me to put my worries " in a God box" and leave them there. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

" ... where there is DOUBT, let me sow FAITH..."

Today's verse from the St Francis Peace Prayer is about two words that have been wrestling in my mind since this entire clustermug of a year { Deaths in the family, worldwide pandemic, election drama and stress} . How do we Christians maintain our faith in a year that seems to only seek to sow seeds of doubt in all our hearts? 

  The pandemic and the election drama that we see daily surely eats into the hearts of even the strongest souls. Over six months into Pandemic life and almost everyone I speak with is worn out over our one-dimensional " lives".

 At the beginning of this virus overtake, it was suggested that I { by nature a constant worrier} look at this tie of physical separation and isolation as a " deployment".  Well, months after that was suggested to me we still are living lives through or computer screens and other devices. On the rare times Brian and I do see people we love { and trust} in a social setting, masks are worn and touching is prohibited.  While I am grateful that we are able to worship among our people in the same physical space, the necessary no-touching rule must apply for everyone's safety.  

  I'll be honest, this as been a week full of more doubt than faith for me. The weather hasn't been good for kayaking, the political circus seems to just grow more messy and ugly daily, and people are still getting sick with this virus due to OTHER PEOPLE NOT MASKING.  Doubt creeps in because I realize that I cannot even hug my father  due to the COVID threat while Bubba and Bubbette  on Facebook mock me for " being controlled by a hoax by The Government.".  Doubt creeps in because I, and people I know, love and trust are doing EVERYTHING to slow the spread of the virus & others refuse to follow suit. 

  I've found that the simple practice of being present for Daily Offices on Facebook Live helps calm me nd re-center my soul on God.  Both of our clergy and some lay people have given of themselves twice each weekday to pause and say Daily Offices live on Facebook. As screen-weary s I am, this time gives a rhythm to my day and reminds me of our Creator.  Often, if it has been a bad day, I'll just listen to the familiar words of Evening Prayer being prayed  live by someone I love. Praying these old prayers  reminds me that we are held by a loving Creator Of The Universe.  I'm reminded by these sacred words that God has us all connected--- that the God of Israel who led Moses' out of slavery is the same God Who will release us from the bondages we face. 

  And the people of God said " Amen"

   ~Sarah