I've been using these cooler late afternoon hours to walk more. { one of the many aspects of Florida Autumns that I love--- perfect walking weather}
I am also making a point of being more mindful of my surroundings in Nature-- my part of Pensacola is full of " green" I had turned around at my about-face spot and saw something orange flying by some wild flowers. Quickly I pulled up my phone app and snapped photos of the delicate creature.
I continued home, tears of gratitude forming in my eye. I'd spent most of yesterday lamenting the fact that it has been over two weeks since the death of my dear friend, Lynne. Somehow, the butterfly's appearance reminded me that " Doc" Lynne and I shared a long , loyal friendship-- up until her last days.
When I arrived at The University of West Florida as a transfer student I was-- as the lingo of today says " a hot mess" . At the tender age of 23-- I was considered too old to be a ' traditional' student, so I arrived on campus convinced that I'd go to class, do my work, and return home.
On the first day of classes I realized that I needed a Fine Arts Credit: Always singing since childhood, I signed up for the open { no audition} required University Singers. This is when and how I met " Doc" a tiny woman whose smile lit up any space.
Doc and I continued our co-respondence { mostly via email} after my time at UWF had come to a close. In addition to teaching duties at the university, Doc maintained an active private studio at her home and served on Sundays as the organist at First Baptist Church.
I was slightly less of a " hot mess" after college, but still lived a troubled life. I made some poor choices both in my professional and personal life. Unlike people who have known me since childhood, Doc never judged me. When some poor choice I made concerned her { and there were plenty of them!} she always admonished me from a place of Christian love.
We trusted each other. She opened up to me about situations in her life that I still will not divulge to anyone. Doc and I enjoyed a long friendship that was build on mutual trust and respect--- even when we didn't agree.
For instance she could never figure out why I was-- and still am --a huge fan of Ani Difranco's music. She wanted to know why I listen to " angry woman music" and I told her. " Because Ani Difranco has the chutzpah to pour her truth into her words and music." {Plus, Ms Difranco said things in her songs/poems that I felt, but dared not say in conservative Northwest Florida. }
Back to the butterfly: I'll miss " Doc" forever on this side of Paradise, The butterfly I saw tonight remined me that God sent her to me to help me get all the messy gooey parts that lived inside my chrysalis put together into the fully-formed , airborne butterfly that people know today.
The butterfly reminded me that I lost those who did know me since childhood--- and I will miss them too. But they only knew " caterpillar and " chrysalis " Sarah--- I left Greater Pittsburgh as an extremely delicate , thin-skinned chrysalis. People I love who live 1000 miles from me -- good people whom I only see once per year { before COVID} did not witness the growth that my parents, my spouse, and Doc have witnessed over the past two decades.
I mourn Doc's death harder than I mourn others I've lost recently because she saw my potential as a full person. She believed in me. She never led by force, but embodied that of a servant-leader & teacher.
Thank you God, for butterflies that remind us of our Earthly journeys and the people who help us form into what YOU know we can be.
In the Name of The Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer....
Amen.
~Sarah McCarren
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