Thomas Merton on Love

                                         Photo taken as I descended the stairs of the Tybee Island Lighthouse  in Coastal Georgia. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

"Love seeks on thing only, the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward. ~~ Thomas Merton. 

 Love-- in all its varying forms-- is beautiful. Love also, for many reasons can hurt. Now , the English language sorely lacks the words needed to express  the concept of " love'. After all, the human emotion that in English we call " love" can take many forms. 

Friendship-- especially a deep friendship a woman has with an older woman who shows the younger how to best live a Christ-centered life is a deep soul friendship. I am blessed to have such a relationship . What started out as a necessary Fine Arts requirement in college evolved into a deep soul-sisterhood. 

But Merton is onto something when he said that the verb " to love" is an action verb . Furthermore, sometimes to love someone--- especially a beloved who is sick and/or near death-- can be heart-wrenching. 

After a fruitful & prayer-full talk with my priest, I've decided to slowly back away and give my friend the peace she needs right now. We all take the journey towards The Other Side, and each of our journeys will be different.

This is her journey 

 After much prayer  and after talking with my priest, I've decided to not return to my friend's house for one " goodbye"  She and I have already said what we needed to say to each other-- both in-person and in writing-- and for me to visit her one last time " for closure" would not be healthy for either of us. I know she wants me to remember he as the vibrant, beautiful-- tough but so tenderhearted conductor she was -- as well as the two seasons we enjoyed together when I sang with the Gulf Coast Chorale. 

I want to remember her  healthy , whole and usually telling me to not swear so much when I am frustrated :) 

I remember the woman who loves her NFL football team as much as I love my Steelers. I remember tasting bread pudding { yum} for the first time during one of our lunch visits. I remember her telling me what it was like going to an all-girls high school { Yuck, can you imagine??} and working hard to straighten her curly hair . I'll remember her perfect cheekbones and big smile, and " the eyebrow" she gave we sopranos when we were not paying attention in rehearsal. 

I don't need, nor want " closure" at this point. 

My final gift to this amazing person will be one of quiet space. To help me cope, I've developed some rituals such as keeping fresh flowers on my home altar { she LOVES flowers} and a photo of her where I can see her as I know her during my morning and evening devotions. 

This is hard, holy work. But it is what she needs, and to be honest, what I need at this time. She gets space for whatever she must do now, I get over two decades of wonderful memories that have shaped me , and will continue to shape who I am now. 

Loving someone --- no matter who they are to us--- always will hurt when sickness comes. 

It is worth it. 

~Sarah McCarren

  27 Sept 2021