The Note

                                                 Grief poem . Attributed on meme. 

Yesterday I sat down to write a personal note to my friend who is very ill. Due to COVID restrictions, in person visits are awkward and limiting  and she struggles with using the keyboard. As a matter of fact, a couple of days she asked me to not text quite so much. That hurt, but again this journey is not mine, it is hers. 

  Honestly, I do not know if I will ever see this dear woman again on this side of reality. But for my own spiritual & mental health, I needed to let her know how much she's impacted my life for the better. While the content of the note was about her, writing those words to her in purple  was cathartic for me. 

Anyway back to the card-writing. I'd found a lovely card at Walgreens' that was not a ' get well' card-- as I know the chance of my friend getting well is next to none. But the simple words & soft colors on the card conveyed much of what I needed her to know. 

  . Getting comfortable, I sat down with my purple gel pen and began to write to her-- specifics of how having her in my life-- first as an instructor and then as a mentor & friend. For over twenty years, I told her how much her love, support and { yes} correction when needed has shaped me into the mature Christian I am now.

I cried the whole damn time I was writing that note. I ugly cried, because knowing that someone I've admired and loved as a friend and mentor for two decades is suffering. I cried because her strong hands can no longer play the organ nor piano I cried at the compassion and listening-without-judging she offered me as I told her about on of the worst nights of my life at UWF.

 Thanks to COVID-- and her not telling me of her health issues until now, I've missed out on so much time wit this person.  My priest, and other wise people I know, advise me to let my sick friend lead me in how much she wants to engage. Her breathing troubles make it hard for her to talk, so if I do go see her in-person again I'll be comfortable with silence and me sharing stories of my life. 

 My hope and prayer is that my note will remind my friend of how much she and I shared over the past two decades. I understand ---as much as I wish she could fully be the person she was before her illness-- that is impossible. But she is, at her core, the beautiful soul I met so many years ago. 

  I hope we meet again tis side of Paradise, my dear friend. But if it is not God's will--- you know that I love you and you did change me for the better. There is still so much I want to share with you--- reminisce with you and show you. I took up painting during the Pandemic and would love the chance to paint St Cecilia for you. Maybe I'll paint Cecilia anyway-- in your honor. 

 God knows wo you are, and I know you don't want me to use your name, so I will not. 

 I love you. 

 Thank you. 

With love,

~Sarah