In A Year of TROUBLE , It is hard to trust in JOY

 Sunrise at Beckwith. Worth waking at the butt-crack of dawn to see. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

      One lesson that I am taking away from Year 2020 is that nothing is set in stone. Plans, and intentions to make plans, are as fickle as the sand on a windy beach day 

      All of us are struggling through this pandemic, crazy election cycle, and other various issues. 

      Keeping an eye on the future is essential for our well-being. It is not healthy for humans to " wallow" in our self pity and frustration, and it is essential for our mental health to seek coping practices.

    However, it is hard to look to the future with hopeful anticipation when this year has brought nothing but heartaches. The pandemic has put a stop to many of the social things that humans take for granted. Additionally, we on Florida's Gulf Coast must overcome the main bridge across our bay being torn up by the storm. 

   As much as I make time for prayer, safe socializing with people whom I trust, and spending tie in Nature: I am afraid to fully trust in the future.  I, long with everyone else, has been forced to ' let go' of so much this year--- I don't know if my brain will rewire full to handle hopeful anticipation  

   The events of this year have caused me to put up a mental block against disappointment. For instance, the Parish Retreat is {as of right now} still scheduled for this weekend. Yesterday, we took the truck into the ship for a brake job and were told it needs MORE work. The mechanic needed to order a part, so we are without a vehicle and at the mercy of the mechanic. 

   My stress level is THROUGH THE ROOF.  As my priest advises me, I am doing my best to " not borrow trouble" but the events of these past few months leave me weary to hope that these plans-- plans with my beloved family-of-choice at one of my favorite places on Earth-- are also at the mercy of Year 2020. My spouse promises that he will get me there tomorrow late afternoon--- even if we need to rent a car for the weekend. { Honestly he is the best spouse ever----- no lie!!} 

   Yet Truck Debacle is one more item to add to the shitty laundry list that is 2020. 

   I do not know when, or if, my psyche will recover from this year's events. Looking for the Peace of God every day is hard. 

  I'm so tired, God, of waiting for the next " shoe to drop". 

~Sarah