2020 #AdventWord #Deliver

                                       Sunrise on Weeks' Bay Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

Toady's Advent word is DELIVER. 

This is a hard one for me, as I associate this word with childbirth. I'm over 40 years old, and unable to birth children. To be honest, I feel very jealous of women who show off their newborn children/ grandchildren-- especially during the holidays. 

 In spite of all the work of feminism most of society considers motherhood a woman's crowning achievement. While I agree that children are beautiful and necessary, I often wonder why the " deliveries of we women who " birth" art, literature, scientific discoveries or other achievements not as celebrated as woman who can and do deliver children. 

Several of the finest " mothers" I know have never birthed a child. { be it by choice or circumstance} yet their contributions to society are valuable. It is to these women I look when the green-eyed monster shows up whenever I see someone's baby/grandbaby smiling at me on social media. 

Women are conditioned to be mothers. But not all of us are supposed to deliver children into the world. 

I'm okay with this fact.  However, I wish that society would stop pushing the narrative of all women should aspire to parenthood. Some of us are meant to #Deliver and nurture new life in other ways. 

Amen

Sarah

30 November 2020

2020 #AdventWord #Tender

Hands joined in prayer at the altar of the main chapel of Beckwith Camp and Conference Center. St Christopher's Women's Retreat 2018. A tender moment between some of my  Christa Sistas" and me  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

The 2020 Pandemic Edition of Sarah's Advent Word. This has surely ben a challenging year for most of us and since I m  verbal processor of thoughts & experiences, it is good to fall into my normal Advent devotional of meditating on the day's word. 

Today's word is #Tender. 

This season brings with it some tender moments for me & for people I love. Firstly, the deaths from the pandemic are increasing, and people are forced to observe & celebrate the December holidays differently.

 Many are looking at empty chairs  due to the pandemic. 

Others, such as myself & my extended family, remain wakeful & watchful as a loved one comes to her last days on Earth. Staying safe during this pandemic means that no one will be able to fly to Pittsburgh to join my Dad's sibling in putting my Grandmother to rest.

 Grandma's death, like her life, will be " good" She is at home and spends most of her time sleeping. Dad had a chance to speak with her on the phone on Thursday. I was not privy to that conversation but I know my Dad well enough to understand that phone call to be tender and sacred I am glad that both Dad and Grandma had that tender time together--- even if it had to be via telephone { Grandma does not employ computers or smartphones}

 Throughout this crazy year, I've learned that tender moments where God shows God's Self in ordinary , small moments are gifts. 

This morning's Gospel from St Mark has Jesus admonishing His followers " KEEP AWAKE"  This is solid advice for any time, but perhaps more so during a pandemic. 

Amen. 

Sarah 

1 Advent 2020
 

#AskAnAppalachian. Boycott _Hillbilly Elegy_

                               Me, in the mountains of Western NC, five years ago. #ThisIsAnpplachian . Photo by Brian. 

Ron Howard directed a film that is on Netflix that generates much buzz lately among people I know. The movie, Hillbilly Elegy, is based on a book by the same name . Written by  JD Vance, a man who was born and raised in the " hills" of Kentucky. 

 I'm not bothering to watch the movie. 

 As someone who was born and raised in the Pittsburgh sub-region of Appalachia, the reviews of the book told me all I need to know.  While some may see Vance's story as one of someone pulling himself up by his " bootstraps" I see it as a sad and INACCURATE over-generalization  of Appalachian-Americans. 

  We are NOT all poor White trash. People from there can and do succeed in professional work and business. Many do leave the hills, but others return after some time away. 

  Not everyone who was raised in Appalachia has or had a drug abuse problem. Yes, the area -- like all areas-- has a problem with drug use  among some citizens. To be honest, in the time I've lived in Florida, there seems to be more people I know succumbing to drug addiction.  Vance should have explained that the drug use in Appalachia is due mostly to the lack of good blue-collar jobs for people. While I was growing up-- many classmates' fathers worked for steel mills. People with a high school education could work in good jobs and provide enough for a family.  For many reasons. steel production ended when I was in high school.  My dad is not a former steel mill employee, but his  ability to provide for us was affected by the steel mills' closures. the loss of both the coal industry and steel production  delivered big hits to the Appalachian region. 

  Appalachia is more than steel and coal. Pittsburgh has enjoyed a rebirth of sorts, with the medical research industry attracting brainpower to the area. The area of Appalachia in which I grew up in home to universities and colleges of all sizes and stripes. 

  To be honest, my relationship to the region of my origin is complicated.  It is true that some small town /rural Appalachian areas are not diverse. My experience growing up as a minority { Jewish on Mom's side of the family} and the child of  liberal hippie parents was daunting.  Racial and anti-Semitic slurs were heard on occasion  Most of my family and none of my schoolmates understand that being " other" in a uniformly White Christian society was hard. However, growing up interfaith and intercultural in a white-bread culture has gifted me with tenacity. 

  To be honest, I am glad I left Western Pennsylvania/Eastern Ohio. However, that region, and its people, are a part of who I am and who I will become. My childhood growing up playing freely in the woods  and not coming home until dark was close to ideal. The woods near my childhood home are still beautiful. 

  I am Appalachian. Ask me about the area that formed me. Boycott _Hillbilly Elegy_. 

  Sarah McCarren 

   11//27/2020

 

Tired of Surviving: Need to Look Towards Thriving

        Accurate graphic of what many of us feel as we are rounding 8 months of COVID Life

It has been over 8 months, and I am TIRED. 

I get plenty of sleep, but I am more TIRED now than I've ever been--- even during my darkest mental health days of youth. 

COVID has forced us into our cocoons. I have not hugged my parents since February. I miss seeing smiles of people-- especially at church I wear the mask every time I go out in public, and it is still nightmarish to walk around in Face Covered Zone. 

I wear the mask, protecting myself and others from a virus that is deadly. 

My body is totally alive, but my soul is in half-life mode most of the time. 

There has been good news during these smile-less months. Brian's NHL team, the Tampa Bay Lightning, won their Stanley Cup. My Pittsburgh Steelers professional football team remain undefeated so far. Adults will soon occupy the White House. Brian and I can and do attend in-person church on Sundays. Only one person I know has died from COVID-- although several have fallen ill with it.  A vaccine is in the works. Hurricane season is done for six months. 

But still: COVID continues to rob humanity of so much--- even as we stay alive and physically healthy. My grandmother is dying, and restrictions keep most of her kin away from her funeral Mass and burial . Brian and I are staying home--- and NOT seeing my brother and his family this week. I've not been to an in-person Bible study since February. While I am grateful for Facebook Live & Zoom-- I feel the wear and tear from living a digital life. 

Florida's governor still refuses to issue a statewide mask mandate.  While numbers in other regions of the nation are higher than ours here, this state still needs to reign in " La Rona". People still refuse to give up their perceived " freedoms" so that all of us can stay safe and healthy. 

I am TIRED of giving up living in favor of existing while others selfishly refuse to behave in such a way that controls this plague. 

My soul is sick from the work of survival. People need to do their part, too, so that we ALL can start thriving again. 

Sarah McCarren

24 November 2020

" Almost Normal" Weekend with " My People" In God's Front Yard.

Photo of a tree near the labyrinth on the Campus of Beckwith Retreat and Conference Center in Baldwin County, Alabama. Photo taken by The Pensacola Hippie. 

 For the first time in weeks, I enjoyed a somewhat " normal" slice of pre-COVID life. Forty or so of we " Christophers " from church gathered for a physically-distant yet very emotionally & spiritually close weekend of outdoor fun, on the banks of Weeks Bay in southern Alabama. 

  Never fear -----all measures were in place for physical distancing & safety during this pandemic. Those of us who came to the retreat without spouses or other household members slept in a private room. Assigned seats were the rule in the dining hall-- households sat together and the few of us where came solo sat in our own little unit. Masks were mandatory in chapel and other indoor public spaces & most of the evening fellowship occurred outdoors around a campfire. 

                                   Campfire Friday evening. I'm convinced that fire pits are sanctuaries--- especially Beckwith fire pits!  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

My assigned table in the mess hall. As much as I missed my spouse, I enjoyed the quality time I had at meal time with both my rector & a woman whom I'd not known at all before this weekend. Table fellowship with my people is something that I miss. I give thanks for the opportunities to connect & re-connect with some of my parish family.  Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

 We enjoyed worshipping together both at the outdoor chapel and in the main one. Masks were worn by all while worshipping indoors, and we enjoyed music by a pianist and one soloist.  Chairs were spaced out to allow for plenty of room. 

On Friday evening, one of our Godly Play storytellers presented the Parable of the Mustard Seed , and it was well-received by both children and adults The parish children had not heard an " in-person" Godly play story in months and they were excited for this familiar experience. For months, we storytellers have only been able to offer stories via Facebook live, and for me, it was a blessing to a story told while sitting on the floor with a circle of people I love. 

  I spent a lot of the daylight hours on Saturday kayaking on the bay. The wind made for  bumpier-than-usual rides, but I managed to use all the skills I'd practiced all summer to stay safely inside the kayak.  While on the water, God blessed me { and others} with the gift of seeing a pod of dolphins! I felt a kinship with these beautiful, intelligent aquatic mammals as I paddled around . 

 In spite of a knee issue, I managed to get down to the pavilion and shoot some basketballs with one of the parish children. It was weird, but weird in a good way, to hear my Dad's coaching advice come from my mouth 

"  Plant your feet. Shoot from the waist! "

 " Let's see a long pass. " 

  "I see you are showing off now. " { as the child tossed the basketball facing AWAY from the hoop}

  "Look up when you dribble. That's it! "  

In these strange times, I am grateful for any opportunity to be with people I love.  COVID has robbed humanity of many opportunities, but safely spending time with " my people" in " God's Front Yard" this weekend is balm for my aching soul. It was truly a beautiful weekend-- one that will be remembered as a bright light in the otherwise dark Year 2020. 

~Sarah McCarren 

 

History { HERstory?} Being Made

 

                             Photo of VP-Elect Kamala Harris' parents. Unknown source for photo. 

     For the first time, the United States of America will have a Vice-President who is :

     ~ A Woman

    ~ A Person-of Color. 

Now I know that some well-meaning people in my life will say" But Gender does not matter." 

 It matters. I'm in my mid-40's and this is the first time a person of my gender will be ' a heartbeat away from the Presidency." Harris' candidacy is not the FIRST time a woman was on the Presidential ticket. I remember both Geraldine Ferraro and Sarah Palin on tickets. The Mondale-Ferraro ticket happened when I was in elementary school. Like Penny Kirkman in the show _Designated Survivor_, I thought that it would be great to maybe have a Vice President who was a " girl". 

Other people whom I know and love will insist that Kamala Harris' skin tone is "not a big deal"  Ask a Black or Brown woman if seeing someone who looks like them attain the second-highest office in the nation matters. I may be White as snow-- but I am a proud Aunt to a beautiful mixed-race little girl { and her equally adorable brother}  Little " Miss L" can look at the incoming Vice President and see a woman who looks like her. 

   Our incoming VP is also the child of two immigrants. Unless we are of 100 percent First Nations DNA-- ALL Americans are descended from immigrants. Some people either do not know their own family history-- or choose to think that their Whiteness excluded them from " descended from immigrants" status. Those of us , such as myself, who are descended from 100 percent European ancestors also have an advantage. 

I understand if people do not agree with Harris' politics, but to disparage her because she is  woman-- or a woman-of-color is disgusting. She'll never hear these foul remarks or read the tasteless and juvenile  yard signs I've seen here in Northwest Florida.  For instance, the guy who lies across the street from the home of one of my best friends kept a yard sign up that read Say NO to Joe And The Hoe. 

No , I am NOT exaggerating. It honestly says those sexist words. The sign is displayed so that ANYONE going by the house is seeing it. It saddens me that girls & women were subjected to those uncouth words on a constant basis. The First Amendment is NOT for name-calling. While it is within people's RIGHTS to post signs in their yards, it should be a RESPONSIBILITY shared by all for the content of their signs. Don't like Democrats? Fine. But to place a sign that disparages a candidate simply for her gender is irresponsible. 

I'm glad that I helped make HERstory with this election. 

~Sarah

 

In A Year of TROUBLE , It is hard to trust in JOY

 Sunrise at Beckwith. Worth waking at the butt-crack of dawn to see. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

      One lesson that I am taking away from Year 2020 is that nothing is set in stone. Plans, and intentions to make plans, are as fickle as the sand on a windy beach day 

      All of us are struggling through this pandemic, crazy election cycle, and other various issues. 

      Keeping an eye on the future is essential for our well-being. It is not healthy for humans to " wallow" in our self pity and frustration, and it is essential for our mental health to seek coping practices.

    However, it is hard to look to the future with hopeful anticipation when this year has brought nothing but heartaches. The pandemic has put a stop to many of the social things that humans take for granted. Additionally, we on Florida's Gulf Coast must overcome the main bridge across our bay being torn up by the storm. 

   As much as I make time for prayer, safe socializing with people whom I trust, and spending tie in Nature: I am afraid to fully trust in the future.  I, long with everyone else, has been forced to ' let go' of so much this year--- I don't know if my brain will rewire full to handle hopeful anticipation  

   The events of this year have caused me to put up a mental block against disappointment. For instance, the Parish Retreat is {as of right now} still scheduled for this weekend. Yesterday, we took the truck into the ship for a brake job and were told it needs MORE work. The mechanic needed to order a part, so we are without a vehicle and at the mercy of the mechanic. 

   My stress level is THROUGH THE ROOF.  As my priest advises me, I am doing my best to " not borrow trouble" but the events of these past few months leave me weary to hope that these plans-- plans with my beloved family-of-choice at one of my favorite places on Earth-- are also at the mercy of Year 2020. My spouse promises that he will get me there tomorrow late afternoon--- even if we need to rent a car for the weekend. { Honestly he is the best spouse ever----- no lie!!} 

   Yet Truck Debacle is one more item to add to the shitty laundry list that is 2020. 

   I do not know when, or if, my psyche will recover from this year's events. Looking for the Peace of God every day is hard. 

  I'm so tired, God, of waiting for the next " shoe to drop". 

~Sarah

White Squirrel sightings and signs of hope

One of our white squirrel neighbors . It was eating, and I got close enough to get a decent photograph. I've seen these critters more often lately. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

During this past week, I have seen both of the WHITE { not albino} Squirrels who live in the tress on our street. Usually they are too fast-- I am just afforded a quick peek as the camper away. 

Today, however, I found one of the snowy rodents eating its breakfast . Carefully I put my phone in camera mode & stealthily walked closer. White Squirrel continued to eat. I caught its eye as my camera captured an image of the squirrel casually eating. When I arrived home I edited the raw photo & saw that the camera had caught the squirrels blue eye. 

In many cultures, the appearance of a white-coated mammal usually is seen as an omen . 

This year has been hideous--- but I cannot help but think that The Holy Spirit, in Her wisdom, is trying to reassure me that hope, peace and love will prevail. Two days ago, I finally allowed myself to feel a thin thread of hope during this awful year.  Yet I know that there is much sadness, anxiety and sense of loss among us. 

Perhaps the White Squirrel has been showing itself often to remind to persist. Squirrels are tenacious creatures, and in these scary, divided , uncertain times we all need to on keeping on. 

Persist. God has all of us no matter for whom we voted, in God's Hands. Perhaps White Squirrel is reminding me that there is much to be done to bring divided hearts and minds together--- to see each other as God sees us 

We as Americans , and especially as Christians, have much to do to even begin to heal this pandemic-stricken, isolated, divided human family. 

We need each other--- regardless for whom we voted. Christ calls us to rest in Him, and to be the best version of ourselves. Work hard. Persist. Never give up fighting the good fight. 

Amen

~Sarah

 

Thoughts on Election 2020 from an Irish/Jewish American Christian Democrat

 

              Photo of me. I m a blonde-ish, blue-eyed light-skinned American Christian of Jewish      descent. Photo by Brian. 

This Collect is especially apropos for today, and the days to follow. 

  "Almighty and everlasting God, whose will it is to restore all things in your well-beloved Son, the King of kings and Lord of lords: Mercifully grant that the peoples of the earth, divided and enslaved by sin, may be freed and brought together under his most gracious rule; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."

   After four long das, the US Presidential election has been called. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are declared as the next Administration. As I was reminded, there are still some official election-related hoops that must be cleared before January. This is true. 

   Its been a LONG few days of vote-counting, and the stress that ALL Americans felt was palatable. None of us were " our best selves" as we waited for some sort of closure { the human mind doe not endure open-endedness very well} I said some things on social media that were inappropriate. I apologized. 

  I was wrong to be ugly with my words. I owned it-- I apologized. 

  But I cannot help but feel real JOY.  While I totally understand party loyalty { after all , I am a Democrat} , it is good to see that enough people put Nation before Party Loyalty. Unlike any other election that I can recall, this one was not a mere political football game. I, and so many others I love had much to lose . To be honest, many Americans still have much that we could lose. 

For instance, as a woman, my right to make reproductive choices for myself is no longer a sure reality. yet others I know still lie under the threat of their marriages being declared invalid.  Many more of the working poor in this nation can keep their health insurance for now. We are still in the middle of a worldwide pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of Americans of all stripes. 

  As a person of Ashkenazi heritage, I've watched anti -Semitism craw out from under its rocks . While Black and Brown people have been targeted by racists much more than Jews, half of my DNA has put me on high alert . There have been moments in my youth in Northern Appalachia where I have been the recipient of ethnic slurs against Jews. 

  Many White people simply do not understand how threatening it is to be a minority. I'm not Black, but I can speak as a person of Jewish-America heritage who grew up in rural northern Appalachia. Where I came of age lacked both Black people & Jews. I remember the " N -word" being thrown around by neighbors when my younger brother brought home a Black friend for the weekend. It was damn hard growing up where I did  & maintaining the values with which my parents installed in me.  In retrospect, I think my Jewish heritage gave me a heart for justice & equality from an early age.  Growing up, the only Bible stories I really knew were from the Old Testament-- especially the Torah. 

  All this to day that, although I am a Democrat, my values are what leads my vote-- and my experience of being a minority reinforces my values that the nation I love must be the land of the free for ALL our people. 

  To my dear ones who did not vote for Joe Biden, I love you and I see you. It sucks to feel like your political " team" lost-- I know. I hear you and your frustration today. But I also ask that you hear me. think about others  who, like me, depend on government-funded health insurance. Think of your Black neighbors who have needlessly lost so many in their communities due to violence. If you, like me are married to a spouse of the opposite gender, please remember that others LEGAL rights to marry the adult they love wasn't always possible. 

  I do believe that Democrats & Republicans both love this great nation. We , at our best, just see purely political issues { such as deficit spending} differently. Yet when people's civil rights are on the chopping block, that is where I cannot budge.  Since this is true I think that we should take this moment to remember how diverse we are. 

  Go in Peace..

  ~Sarah

No Matter Who Wins: We All Lose

 My " Worry Doll" on my home altar. There is not enough incense nor sage for me to rie my soul of the dread I feel at this " "Merica. " Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

 The national Presidential election is still too close to call. I should be holding out on hope. Yet I am in despair. 

  No matter who wins the White House, America is broken. 

  Four years ago I made up my mind to be fair to the winner--- as much as I dislike him. Maybe his horrible personality hid a good leader. So, I gave him a chance to change my mind. 

   All he did over four years was to remind people who he is  and what sort of " America" he stands for. These past few years have seen racial & /ethnic /violence,  more people without basic needs due to a poor job market, increased tension between our nation and other world superpowers , climate change  and a world pandemic. 

  I've ceased speaking to some people I love because I cannot fathom why they openly support such a hate-filled platform. 

   And our leadership at the top has done nothing to curb these issues. Failure to act at the top allows for the less-intelligent of us to keep living in a fairyland-- one where " COVID is a hoax." Meanwhile, people die and others { such as myself & people I love}  are forced into a mere existence. To be honest, I don't know why I bother to exist anymore--- other than for my husband. Thanks to COVID, days run together into one big COVID DAY. I'm not looking forward to the holidays-- pandemic life makes for unsafe travel. 

  Existing is hard, and it looks like hate is the new normal. 

  I've lost so much. Everyone has lost so much. But for what are we staying alive?

  Honestly, looking at the numbers coming in today--- seeing how complacent Americans are with " life" as we are forced to live now is scary. My faith is shaken.... how can a loving God allow for so many people to vote against human decency--- giving power to people who seek to rip apart the Constitution . 

   I'm afraid for myself. However, I m more afraid for my loved ones whose very loves & lives are at stake with this most recent Supreme Court appointment. As an American with Ashkenazi Jewish blood, it is etched in my cells the horror of the extermination of 6 million of my mother's people.  I'm afraid of what the future will be for my beautiful nephew & niece--- children with mixed heritage. 

  Black lives matter to me. 

  During the midterms, I tried to pro-actively fight the evil. I volunteered for a Congressional campaign for a person whom I felt really was qualified to lead in the change for a safer, saner society. She  lost the race to a Holocaust-denying, Proud-Boy keeping spoiled frat boy. She did earn 33 percent of the vote in this heavily red-leaning district, and I am proud of the team who worked so hard. 

  However, my experience with that campaign jaded me. The time I spent volunteering for that campaign is time for which I am grateful. I've met some wonderful, like-minded souls through that channel and for these people I am grateful. Thanks to that campaign, I no longer feel so isolated as a blue dot. From my volunteer campaign work, I've met some great people in the Pensacola area-- people whose Facebook posts fill me with hope by reminding me that I am not alone. 

  Frankly, I feel more of a kinship with those I met on the campaign trail two years ago than I do with some blood relatives. Sadly, I'm re-evaluating what " family" means to me & this is painful work. To me nd to so many others, this Presidential campaign is much bigger than ANY political party. I do not reject the Republican party--- I reject what it has become. It boggles my mind how the party of Abraham Lincoln morphed into the embodiment of racism and bigotry. I have nothing against THe Republican party. I do, however, hold a dislike for Donald Trump. He has brought out the worst in the people of this country. 

  No matter who wins the White House, we all lose. 

  My nation is broken, and I see no way of fixing it. Enough people clearly support bigotry. I cannot. I shall not. Love is in this messy mix somewhere. 

  May God help us all.......

  Sarah

 

  

Day 9 #PrayingWithFrancis : Love and to Be Loved

 

                             " Love God, Love People" It SHOULD be that easy, am I right? Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

                            "... to LOVE, as to be Loved...."

It is the day before a HUGE Election Day and I am sitting at my desk trying my hardest to not " borrow trouble." I want to believe the best about the intents of my sister and fellow American voters, but 2016 still haunts me. I'm also feeling tension because Election 2020 has brought out the worst in people whom I love... family members whom, up until now I'd respected . 

 I love them, but I don't respect their opinions anymore. It is also hard that these people do not even acknowledge their bias against non-white people, their mysogyny and disdain for anyone who is " different." 

   I'm scheduled for an interview { via phone} this week with a representative from the Social Security Administration. While I'm certain { as certain as anyone can be these days} that my health insurance benefits won't  end, this brings up yet another reason why I struggle to love others  who would rather see people like me unable to afford our medications  than to work together for a just nation.  

  I'm on two heavy drugs that are life-saving--- and I know that I am not the only American who depend on help to afford medication that keeps us alive. I don't discuss life with Bipolar 2 , because I've been steady { due to medication} for YEARS. My own struggle with mental illness & physical challenges hs made me more compassionate towards others who are " different" . 

  I'm just one of many who suffer from invisible medical conditions. I would not wish this on anyone. As Dr Spencer Reid on TV's _Criminal Minds_ once stated " I know what its like to be afraid of your own mind."

   I do my best to " Love God . Love People" daily.  I don't want to contribute further to the division. The lack of civility & compassion for others that the nation has seen in the past few years saddens me.. Responding with LOVE in a world filled with HATRED is hard. 

   I trust God . Sadly, I don't think I can trust most people anymore. I feel fragile, in spite of the medication. Feeling fragile sucks! 

  How can I LOVE people who refuse to understand that our faith demands that we take care of each other---- the widow, the orphan, the sick? How can I love people who go on " mission trips" to " evangelize the Africans" , while here at home rationalizing the culture of systemic racism? What about those who see the face of Christ i their own grandmother yet would deny the humanity of the elderly Black woman at the soup kitchen? 

How? 

~Sarah

Feast of All Souls 2020