Telling Stories

                                             Because telling stories is important, here is a photo of me at a place that is VERY special to MY story: the mountains of Western North Carolina . Photo by Brian. 

                                      "I believe that telling our stories, first to ourselves and then to one another and the world, is a revolutionary act. It is an act that can be met with hostility, exclusion, and violence. It can also lead to love, understanding, transcendence, and community."

- Janet Mock, "Redefining Realness"

Whomever Janet Mock may be, she is correct. Storytelling is a lost art, and an art that is connected to our very humanness.

I am, by nature, a storyteller. My undergraduate major was journalism: professional storytelling. No matter wat you might have heard I did NOT major in journalism to avoid math Okay, that was an added bonus of my major field of study, as have dyscalculia and HATE math. I love words-- and words are powerful.

At church, I spent five wonderful program years serving the parish's youngest people in Godly Play {TM} a Christian education program that uses both sacred storytelling time and Montessori-based classroom techniques. I loved this work: preparing the stories each week was a spiritual practice for me--a practice that made me look at beloved Bible stories with a new lens.

As " People of the Book" our faith centers around stories that were passed down and can be traced back to our early Jewish ancestors in the Middle East.

As part of the EfM { Education for Ministry } program, students are required to share their " spiritual autobiography-- how they see where God acted in their life--each year during the four-year extended learning program out of The University of the South. This is hard work. Vulnerability is hard, but doing so in a safe environment allows for members of the seminar group to understand their classmates' perspectives. During my EfM journey-- in which I went through three churches over seven years { that is another story entirely} my story changed.

Stories are fluid.

My social media-- and the social media of others--can be a means to tell our personal stories. Since we are all human and--- thanks be to God-- different, our stories can {and will} make others scratch their heads in confusion. If we are not careful with the words we choose on social media, others can misconstrue our words and interpret them in a way that is not what we intend.

At the same time, each of us own our stories and should tell them as we see fit. I'll repeat: our stories belong to us and us alone. We choose how, when and to whom we tell parts of these stories. My blog is a means by which I share my story with the world. No one must read it{As far as I know, my words are not required reading for any college course.}

Other people's stories should be held in strict confidence. Not long ago someone blessed me with a part of their story that is hard for them to share. I thanked this person for trusting me with this information and assured them that it stays with me.

Tell your story as you see fit. Listen to others' stories without judgement. Don't gossip. Assume nothing.

We ALL are storytellers.

Amen.

Sarah Beth McCarren

May 20, 2023

 

Hiking as spiritual practice

                                             One of my favorite hiking photos of Brian and me. Grandfather Mountain, NC 

"Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman."

- Maya Angelou

 I love to hike. Brian and I spend a lot of time hiking around our Pensacola, Florida home. Our part of the state is home to several diverse biomes. We even have *** some*** elevation--Our house in town is located 101 feet above sea level. 

 I grew up in the ridge-and-valley Appalachian Mountains near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and most of my free time as a child were spent in the woods.   My first woodland playground was on " the path" -- which was on an empty lot that the neighbors graciously let neighborhood children claim as our own. Later it was exploring the rugged woodland paths on my godparents' property during my days off from working at their recreational park during summers of my teen years and very early adulthood. 

 

Let's face it, I am the embodiment of a Celtic wood nymph! 

One of the reasons why hiking appeals to me is the discovery of wonders of Creation along new trails. While hiking familiar spots, such as Grandfather Mountain in western North Carolina, is also satisfying, there is a special sense of accomplishment that comes with A} discovering new hiking trails and B} conquering new trails. 

Hiking can be seen as a spiritual practice-- because venturing into the woods -- a wilderness-- takes trust. Hikers need to trust their hiking buddies, their shoes {very important to have sturdy and reliable footwear on hikes} their map and {or app} Hikers also need to be aware of the weather, be on the lookout for dangerous wildlife and poisonous plants and walk mindfully. 

Taking long, vigorous walks in the woods is a spiritual practice. Hikers are in the middle of God's beautiful Creation-- and {hopefully} slowing down enough to appreciate the surroundings. Additionally, trust is employed each time we modern humans venture into the woods. 

I'd choose walking in the woods or along the coast over the big-city indoor urban jungle any time.  I feel the most " Sarah Beth" when I'm outdoors because I am in the company of    the great " I Am". 

Happy Hiking, friends....

Sarah Beth McCarren 

May 11, 2023

A Weird Day

                                       Labyrinth at St Christopher's Episcopal Church, Pensacola, FL. 

Today is a weird day. It is the day that I went into a day surgery center and almost did not make it out alive. 

Apparently, several medical people informed me that I suffered a severe vasovagal syncope episode {otherwise known as fainting.} Fainting occurs when a person's blood pressure drops. Normally, someone who faints will come to consciousness in less than a minute.  It is rarely a medical emergency that can be life-threatening. 

However, this was not the case for me one year ago today. I was sitting in the prep area, cold, hungry, thirsty, and grumpy when a nurse stuck me with an IV needle. 

I blacked out, and what my soul experienced when my blood pressure dropped to dangerous levels Brian cannot seem to remember, but he said the bottom number was 45 or 50. 

 In other words, I was damn close to death. 

 I do not know what happened on this side, buy I do know what my soul experienced near the veil. 

 Soul life beyond the veil is perfect. At the risk of sounding crazier than people already believe me to be, I'm not sharing exactly what my soul experienced during this medical emergency.  This event only makes sense scientifically. I'm fully aware of the physiology of this emergency situation. My blood pressure dropped too low, and my heart rate plummeted. The team injected Epinephrine into my IV and I woke with a jolt. 

 Honestly, it was the rudest " awakening" I've experienced. I remember a male voice saying over and over " Stay with us, Sarah, Stay with us. "

 Once again, I was cold, hungry and grumpy. 

 I do know that I am still alive because there is unfinished business here on this plane. 

In the year since this event happened, I've made some changes. 

Life is short, and no one's tomorrow is a sure thing. 

I'm still here. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

    
 

A Musical Family

                                                    Brian's new-to-him Gretsch guitar 

We are a musical family. 

I'm on the piano, and last week, we bought Brian a well-cared-for Gretsch guitar. He had played some as a much younger person and has been staring at the guitar displays every time we go into our local full-line {they do EVERYTHING, sales, repairs, lessons, audio, piano moving-- you name it!} and locally owned music store. I take lessons there, so he had plenty of time to drool at all the guitars. 

Shameless plug : Blues Angel Music . 

If COVID taught me anything, it is that Life Is Short  . We figured out that we could sell a few of his well-loved but very seldom used outdoor hobbyist gear and use that money to buy his guitar. Someone else can now afford a decent hunting rifle {I'm relieved he never got into that sport, as I am very nearly a total vegetarian.} and some of his heavy fishing tackle. {He still likes to fish, but not as often nor needing the strong rod-and-reel setups. }

You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. ~Joseph Campbell

I actually DO have a room where I go at least once each day. My music room is a sacred space, a place where I go to leave the troubles of this messed-up world behind. A " sanctuary" need not be a place of worship, my music room is a safe place for me to go to just be-- even if I don't touch the piano keys. 

                               Pardon the " mess" , but this is my Music Room" As you can tell, it is Sarah."

Music is ' not " extra". Music is essential to maintain our humanity-- especially in this divided world. Music unites us-- there is a style of music that can suit anyone. 

Music education is also essential. I only have one regret: that I waited until middle age to start taking lessons. I'll never be a great pianist, and I am okay with this fact. I'm grateful now to have a small repertoire of songs that I am confident enough to play-- without much thinking on my part. 

Here is an interesting article on the therapeutic effects of playing piano. 

https://coltharppianoworld.com/why-piano-playing-is-therapeutic/

Even though private piano lessons are NOT " therapy: I've noticed a big improvement in my hand-eye coordination in the few months that I've been taking lessons. The hope is for my right-brain and left-brain halves to communicate better-- but that will take time. Using two hands at the same time is a big struggle for me, so I am grateful that there is no timeline. I'm learning at my own pace with a patient teacher. 

It is fun watching Brian play his guitar-- he remembers a lot from years ago and the gently used guitar has a GREAT sound. I enjoy listening to Brian play chords on his guitar as much as I enjoy sitting down at my piano and making my own music. 

I'm wishing everyone, peace, love and music this weekend. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren

2 Easter 2023 

John's Gospel: Religious Trauma and Marginalized Persons

                                        
                                           As a cisgender woman, I enjoy some privilege that some of my siblings                                                do not. 

My name is Sarah, and my pronouns are she/her/hers. I'm in my late 40's and my pronouns have always been she/her/hers. 

  First of all, what the shooter in Nashville did was horrendous. Whatever reasons will come to light in the coming days, the fact is she murdered children. 

 Murder is never okay. 

 Yet I want to take a moment to talk about religious trauma and its effects on people. Certain stripes of Christianity has a long, sad history of violence towards people whom " they" deem unworthy, " demonic" or " wrong" according to their values. 

 In recent times, we are seeing a huge attack against our transgender siblings-- fueled by the theology of some Christians. One need look no further than my home state of Florida to see how anti-transgender laws and policies in PUBLIC, tax-supported institutions such as schools are becoming a reality. 

I wonder if religious trauma might have fueled some of the Nashville shooter's anger towards her former school? Again, this theory would not excuse her behavior, but perhaps would shine a light on a big problem in this country. 

Churches {and probably other religious institutions} can be cruel. To this day, I cringe when I hear The Gospel of John read and the writer says' the Jews' in what I imagine in a condescending tone. Knowing that John's otherwise beautiful message has been distorted and used to stoke the fires of antisemitism for centuries is the root of my complicated relationship with John's Gospel.  As an unchurched child growing up in rural Appalachia with a Jewish mother, I've heard some cruel comments directed at me and my interfaith family. The haters almost always John's Gospel as the basis for their hate. 

All this to say that my own experience with Christian hate makes me sensitive to how my faith{and it is a miracle that I became and am staying a Christian} has been weaponized against others. 

Our transgender siblings are especially vulnerable, as the science of gender is still relatively new. Other people who identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ alphabet soup share in this vulnerability, as do Black people, immigrants, Muslims and Jews. 

Religious trauma can happen when a person grows up in a faith community that will not accept them. I've heard stories from people who share how their churches rejected them for being _______. { Fill in the blank}and it saddens me. On a personal note, I know what its like when the established religion of your rural Appalachian culture marginalizes my entire family for being interfaith. 

Again, Christians can be cruel. Lately we've been especially cruel to transgender Americans. 

Violence is never the answer, and we DO need to reform laws concerning firearms. At the same time, we Christians need to take an honest look at ourselves and how the Way of Love, which was founded by one traveling Jewish rabbi so long ago has traumatized others in His name. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

My " Room Of Her Own'

 

                                           Hand Selfie 

Brian bought me a gently used full electronic keyboard for an early birthday present. Although this one is older than my previous, 61-key electronic piano keyboard, it has WEIGHTED KEYS { its a big deal for me-- and a necessity for any serious beginning pianist} 

To accommodate the bigger, heavier instrument, I finally cleaned out my " junk room" and turned it into a Music Room/ Library. Brian is thrilled that the room is neat, and I am thrilled to have my own space in our small city cottage. 

I am pleased with the results! Check it out: 

                                           Sarah Beth's Room of Her Own 

I'm still waiting to get the adjustable piano bench-- one that will have a drawer for all my music and various music-related things{My birthday is in May}. When this happens, the unsightly pile of sheet music and music books will not be seen. 

I put my framed photo of Doc on my piano, where I can see her smiling at me, healthy and whole { as when I was in college}. I imagine she is shaking her head at my desire to learn popular and rock music over classical pieces, but I also imagine her smiling at me when I do well in my lessons.  It is not shown in this photo, but I placed a framed photo of myself with my piano teacher. 

I think Doc knew her professionally, and probably would agree that she is the " right" piano teacher for my needs and goals. For several reasons, I will never be a great pianist, but with a lot of work I can increase my skills and re-connect some damaged neural pathways. 

I'm happy with my " room of her own" , and will sign off with this quote from Virginia Woolf. 

" Women have sat indoors all these millions of years, so by this time the very walls are permeated by  their creative force, which has, indeed, so overcharged the capacity of bricks and mortar that it must needs harness itself to pens and brushes and business and politics. "

Preach it, sister! 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Piano and Healing: Let It Be

 

                                              I re-visited " Let It Be" with my piano today. 

I'm making strides in my Piano Journey. My teacher was pleased with the progress I've made since my last lesson a couple weeks ago. My sight-reading skills have improved, I even played a new-to-me song 'sight unseen" for my teacher and am pleased at the results. 

 It has been a rough start to 2023 for me. Brian and I lost a dear friend suddenly to a cardiac arrest in February.  To be honest, I am still processing this loss: unlike most of the other losses in my life, this one caught me totally by surprise. He was 53 years old, and Brian and I have been friends with his entire family for well over a decade. Anthony was an older brother to me: We picked on each other as only siblings do but I loved him as one of my chosen family. I've known their eldest child since they were in kindergarten, and now they will soon graduate from high school. His widow is a friend and also a spiritual sister of The Order of The Daughters of the King. 

When Doc died, my priest's advice about moving through grief helped a lot. She said " The only way around something {in this case grief over my first significant loss of my life}is through it. " She is correct: I've worked through most of my initial stage of grief, but I realize I'll miss Doc forever because I loved her as a spiritual mother.

 Doc, I believe, was ready to meet God. I saw her for the last time a month before she finally died and I felt her weariness. However, that does not mean I don't feel her absence acutely every day. 

 Additionally, we ran into some stumbling blocks regarding paying for Brian's medicine. {Apparently specialty pharmacies can get away with charging exuberant prices for their products.} We've thankfully found a way to get the needed financial aid for Brian's medicine, and for this I am grateful. 

 Along with my husband and church community, piano has been a constant source of hope and renewal for me. I've taken the discipline of playing my prayers each morning as part of my prayer time. Making music has been physical, emotional, and spiritual therapy for me. It matters not if I play pieces from my Easy Hymns book, my Disney Songs for Beginners book, some sheet music I'd bought, or working on my favorite Beatles' song. 

Making music in any way IS a form of connecting with our Creator-- as a person who has sang in choir most of my life, I've always known that music connects us to our Creator. Even something as basic as playing 8-finger scales {a task that my clumsy hands are not fond of completing} connects me to Abba Creator

Piano, since it is still new to me, demands that I bring my full self to the bench. My mind focuses on reading the music and coordinating with my hand and finger muscles to play the correct notes. Additionally, I have discovered that playing pieces that I know well helps me settle into a peaceful, contemplative mood. 

The words of the Lennon/ McCartney song serve as a prayer in their own right. 

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

At my piano bench, I find a sacred space-- a space that is as sacred as any church nave-- where I meet The Holy. I lay down my burdens and... Let It Be. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Lent 2 2023.