I Bought a Day Planner

    Random photo of me {taken by Brian} during one of our UWF hikes. Outside, mask less & smiling. 

 Y'all, I did a thing today-- I did a scary thing. 

  I put my trust in The Divine and took a BIG " leap of faith". 

  I bought myself...........................................................................................

  A DAY PLANNER FOR YEAR 2022 

Brian dropped me off when the book & stationary store opened and I found a cute day planner. 

At the checkout line, I debated returning the day planner to the shelf. 

After all, who am I to tempt fate?  After almost two years of Pandemic Life--- with Year 2021 bearing several false starts towards The New Normal -- I felt wary of completing any action that spoke of hope for the next 12 months. 

During 2021, time & time again, my human siblings let me down. As was masking, in 2021 vaccination-- protecting oneself & other people from a potentially deadly virus-- became divisive.  It mattered not that the government ensured that no one would need to pay to receive the lives-saving series of shots in an arm. 

Whereas I anticipated Vaccination Days with hope and joy, other Americans {some whom I know & love} refused to line up for the shots. A surge in the virus this summer caused setbacks. While it looks like we'll eventually totally emerge into the Post-Pandemic World, I am scared that the misguided " Freedom Fighters" in my state & elsewhere will dig in their cattle-rustling boot heels and double down on their insistence to make choices that endanger others. 

I don't trust the general public anymore, but today I chose to err on the side of hope {and science} & purchased that day planner. Pre-Pandemic, Brian & I both had busy schedules that needed coordination. When the world shut down {allegedly} for two weeks " to flatten the curve" I thought " I can handle anything for two weeks. But weeks turned into months in 2020 as the pandemic continued ravaging the world. 

Many people are emerging from this pandemic experience with trauma-related neuroses. I, for one do not trust the general public-- Brian & I still faithfully mask up indoors in public spaces {such as retail stores} Both my spouse & I are vaccinated & boosted, but my concern is with the other humanoids I see in public. Later this month, we will attend our first indoor entertainment venue as we listen to The University of West Florida Singers present their Fall Concert. This venue-- the Music Hall in the UWF Center for Fine & Performing Arts-- is one that houses some of my fondest memories from college. Choir was my safe space--- where a motley crew of singers from all over the University community {not just music majors} gathered for music-making, team-building & where I found a sense of community on campus. 

Twenty years ago, I was much more trusting. Hell, five years ago I still believed that most humans are inherently good. I am not sure that is true--- not after 2020s-- Pandemic and Nasty Election Season. 

I bought the planner in part to reclaim my agency --- a self-determination that I gave up in order to protect myself & others from " La Rona" {as some friends call it} After almost two years of Pandemic Life-- I am not sure ow to begin Post-Pandemic Life. The day planner serves as a tangible reminder that I need to lean into my sense of hope & resiliency as we walk steadily but carefully into A.D. 2022. " La Rona" did not claim my life-- and it is up to me to decide how to spent the second act of life. 

I bought a Day Planner today. 

Amen. 

Sarah McCarren 

12 Nov 2021