2020: The Year That Is Not.

 

Photo of me, taken by Brian, while enjoying some of Pensacola's outdoor space during the Year That Is Not. 

Preacher/blogger John Pavlovitz writes recently :

 "...nothing can change the reality that this was not how this year was supposed to go for any of us, and that we’re all not sure how much more we’ll have to cancel and lose and miss or shelve, or when we’ll get to make new plans or pick up our dreams where we left off, if we’re able to at all. The frustrating stuck-ness of this moment is epidemic."

Preach on, Preacher Man! 

Frankly, when I look back on my life I am not planning to include anything about 2020 in my  good memories. This year has been trouble for me since my brother-in-law and sister-in-law died ten days apart back in January. Brian and I were trying to deal with all that the sudden death of his brother here in Pensacola throughout the month of February. We sort of knew about the strange virus , but were not in tune to most of the national & international news at that time: I was still processing the shock of being awakened by a phone call to Brian from the police & then seeing my first dead body { Funerals don't count. } 

Then the virus invaded . Due to poor leadership at states' & federal levels, the COVID19 bug cruised throughout the United States-- overwhelming Intensive Care Units at hospitals nationwide. 

The country shut down. Police escorts sat in front of my local Wal-Mart , preventing me from purchasing needed art supplies. 

All churches & agencies in my Diocese closed--- moving Sunday worship to various online platforms. Quickly, those of us who had never teleconferenced had to learn Zoom . 

Flights were stopped. We live near the airport in Pensacola , and the skies were eerily quiet , save for the occasional military or cargo plane. 

Public Gulf beaches were closed-- forcing Brian and me to seek communion with Nature in other places. 

Masking is necessary-- blocking people from seeing smiles. However, I am so grateful for the limited contact with people I love. In-person church resumes with the needed safety protocol. Everyone wears a face mask and touching others not of your household is forbidden. 

For someone for whom touch is one of their love languages, no contact socialization is hard. I'm not gonna sugar-coat-- not hugging people I love is heart-wrenching. 

Not knowing when any of this will end is what is traumatic for me. After over 40 years of life on Earth, I know that I am resilient.  Yet not knowing when my personal and society's collective COVID-Trauma will end is part of what makes this unlike anything most people have ever experienced. 

This virus has robed everyone of so much: we cannot even bury out dead loved ones in the normal fashion due to virus protocols. My mom lost  first cousin to cancer , and her funeral was broadcast online. 

Students are going to college: many for their first semester and they cannot  enjoy a  full campus life due to the lingering pandemic. Many of these students had some sort of " virtual" high school graduation. K12 and college students spent most of last semester learning online. 

My grandmother's 90th birthday party in Pittsburgh was nixed because too many people were planning to honor her by flying in from all over. Trips of all sorts are being postponed or totally cancelled. 

I'm weary. 

What angers me the most are the few people who will not mask in public.  They cite that " their rights are violated" by the ask rule. Yet how many of us sacrifice our own comfort { and mental well-being for those of us who have depressive disorders}  because love is an action verb. The selfish behavior of a few is  lengthening the time that it takes to get this pandemic under control. 

In my opinion, 2020 is The Year That Is Not.  No one I know is living fully human during this pandemic-- we are doing all we can to keep from getting sick. 

My only goal for 2020 is to live to see 2021. 

Amen

~Sarah