Today I felt the need to create some visual art Since our house, built in 1965, has small windows and low lighting, fining a place at home wit enough natural light for a " studio" has been a challenge.
Feeling a huge need to paint , I got my art box and canvases { thanks to Michaels' for a good price on quality canvases--- no more need to shop Wal-mart} my phone and wireless speaker and listened to my jams while I painted. It felt so freeing to paint away the feelings of being trapped by quarantine-- painting gets me " out of my head" for awhile and lets me reboot my emotional hard drive.
The Valium that the doctor wisely prescribed for me has kept my emotional hard drive clean { and as an INFJ with a strong extroverted feeling function, I tend to struggle with my own emotional shit & the same of others I love. For most of my life, I've struggled to " observe-- not absorb" the negative emotional energy of others and I've learned some healthy coping tools that shield me from most people's emotional baggage. I've learned that this " feeling" function can be of service to others when harnessed properly.
Three weeks into the COVID19 pandemic I realized that if I didn't ask for medical help to keep my own brain chemistry on track-- I probably would not survive the quarantine. My primary -care doctor, who has been my main provider since I moved here in late 1998, prescribed me with two month's worth { one more refill after I finish this one & then Dr P nd I will re-evaluate the situation}
When I take the Valium with my mid-day meal I noticed that my mind is clear not only to do the daily tasks of adult life, but m inspired to write , paint, and dabble a bit in calligraphy.
Also for the first time since this physical-distancing was put into place, I felt fully present during virtual Mass. Instead of lamenting about not being physically present for worship-- I felt true gratitude that technology makes my community able to gather together even when we are physically sequestered in or homes. I smiled as each new person showed up and gave a greeting . in the side comments.
These are tough times for everyone, and if some people { such as myself} need a bit of legal chemical help to make our brains behave, then it should be available to all who need it. Valium has given me back the Self who has worked doggedly every day for years t\ to be fully myself and proud of that person.
Gratful, grateful , grateful.
Alleluia-- Christ HAS risen and so shall we.
~Sarah
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