My " Room Of Her Own'

 

                                           Hand Selfie 

Brian bought me a gently used full electronic keyboard for an early birthday present. Although this one is older than my previous, 61-key electronic piano keyboard, it has WEIGHTED KEYS { its a big deal for me-- and a necessity for any serious beginning pianist} 

To accommodate the bigger, heavier instrument, I finally cleaned out my " junk room" and turned it into a Music Room/ Library. Brian is thrilled that the room is neat, and I am thrilled to have my own space in our small city cottage. 

I am pleased with the results! Check it out: 

                                           Sarah Beth's Room of Her Own 

I'm still waiting to get the adjustable piano bench-- one that will have a drawer for all my music and various music-related things{My birthday is in May}. When this happens, the unsightly pile of sheet music and music books will not be seen. 

I put my framed photo of Doc on my piano, where I can see her smiling at me, healthy and whole { as when I was in college}. I imagine she is shaking her head at my desire to learn popular and rock music over classical pieces, but I also imagine her smiling at me when I do well in my lessons.  It is not shown in this photo, but I placed a framed photo of myself with my piano teacher. 

I think Doc knew her professionally, and probably would agree that she is the " right" piano teacher for my needs and goals. For several reasons, I will never be a great pianist, but with a lot of work I can increase my skills and re-connect some damaged neural pathways. 

I'm happy with my " room of her own" , and will sign off with this quote from Virginia Woolf. 

" Women have sat indoors all these millions of years, so by this time the very walls are permeated by  their creative force, which has, indeed, so overcharged the capacity of bricks and mortar that it must needs harness itself to pens and brushes and business and politics. "

Preach it, sister! 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Piano and Healing: Let It Be

 

                                              I re-visited " Let It Be" with my piano today. 

I'm making strides in my Piano Journey. My teacher was pleased with the progress I've made since my last lesson a couple weeks ago. My sight-reading skills have improved, I even played a new-to-me song 'sight unseen" for my teacher and am pleased at the results. 

 It has been a rough start to 2023 for me. Brian and I lost a dear friend suddenly to a cardiac arrest in February.  To be honest, I am still processing this loss: unlike most of the other losses in my life, this one caught me totally by surprise. He was 53 years old, and Brian and I have been friends with his entire family for well over a decade. Anthony was an older brother to me: We picked on each other as only siblings do but I loved him as one of my chosen family. I've known their eldest child since they were in kindergarten, and now they will soon graduate from high school. His widow is a friend and also a spiritual sister of The Order of The Daughters of the King. 

When Doc died, my priest's advice about moving through grief helped a lot. She said " The only way around something {in this case grief over my first significant loss of my life}is through it. " She is correct: I've worked through most of my initial stage of grief, but I realize I'll miss Doc forever because I loved her as a spiritual mother.

 Doc, I believe, was ready to meet God. I saw her for the last time a month before she finally died and I felt her weariness. However, that does not mean I don't feel her absence acutely every day. 

 Additionally, we ran into some stumbling blocks regarding paying for Brian's medicine. {Apparently specialty pharmacies can get away with charging exuberant prices for their products.} We've thankfully found a way to get the needed financial aid for Brian's medicine, and for this I am grateful. 

 Along with my husband and church community, piano has been a constant source of hope and renewal for me. I've taken the discipline of playing my prayers each morning as part of my prayer time. Making music has been physical, emotional, and spiritual therapy for me. It matters not if I play pieces from my Easy Hymns book, my Disney Songs for Beginners book, some sheet music I'd bought, or working on my favorite Beatles' song. 

Making music in any way IS a form of connecting with our Creator-- as a person who has sang in choir most of my life, I've always known that music connects us to our Creator. Even something as basic as playing 8-finger scales {a task that my clumsy hands are not fond of completing} connects me to Abba Creator

Piano, since it is still new to me, demands that I bring my full self to the bench. My mind focuses on reading the music and coordinating with my hand and finger muscles to play the correct notes. Additionally, I have discovered that playing pieces that I know well helps me settle into a peaceful, contemplative mood. 

The words of the Lennon/ McCartney song serve as a prayer in their own right. 

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

At my piano bench, I find a sacred space-- a space that is as sacred as any church nave-- where I meet The Holy. I lay down my burdens and... Let It Be. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Lent 2 2023. 

Blastoff to Huntsville

                                                  Me in front of the " brain" of the Saturn V . Huntsville Alabama US Space and Rocket Museum. Photo by Brian

Brian and I took a mini road trip north to Huntsville, Alabama today. The purpose of our trip was to visit the world-renowned US Space and Rocket Museum.  Huntsville is less than an hour from where we had our rented cabin, and since the weather did not look favorable for outdoor activities, we chose to get our steps indoors. 

 The museum did NOT disappoint. As a child growing up in the 1980's the shuttle launches were big deals to both me and my younger brother. Sally Ride was a personal shero of mine until her death. Brian, having grown up in Florida-- also has a connection to the Space Movement. {He tells everyone-- and I mean everyone-- the story of his parents meeting at Banana River Naval Air Station, which is now Cape Kennedy.  

                                          Brian in front of a space shuttle. Photo by me. 

 Today reminded me that we humans are capable of doing great things to advance our species when we work together. the US Space program had been a team effort with Russia-- a nation which the US has not had good relations. {we still don't but that is for different reasons} We had to " play nicely" with the neighborhood bully. 

When we co-operate, humanity advances. When we fight amongst ourselves, we stay stagnant or regress. Together, we put people in orbit and landed on the moon. We built working international space stations. Our satellite technology keeps improving communications {How many young'uns know how to read a paper map?}

Yet we still are territorial and look for people " not like us" to scapegoat. As communities and a nation, we are unwilling to share our resources with others whose ideals do not line up 100 percent with ours. 

Imagine what we human can do to repair the world...  tikkun olam...if we just see each other as PEOPLE... siblings of the human race. By choosing to continually divide ourselves, we are making our species weaker. 

John Lennon said it best in his _Imagine_ lyrics: 

"Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try

No Hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people
Living for today
Ah, ah, ah-ah

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion, too

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
Yoo-hoo, ooh-ooh

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
Yoo-hoo, ooh-ooh

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"

That is my prayer. 

We need to live as one HumanKind. 

"You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one"

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Appalachian Americans: Born, Not Made

 

                                View from atop Ebell Mountain, in Blount County, Alabama. 

Brian and I are taking a much-needed few days away from our beloved Pensacola, Florida to refill our " cups" in the Alabama Appalachian Mountains. 

Brian did not want to deal with Atlanta traffic, so we are staying in a VRBO cabin in unincorporated Blount County, Alabama. 

Yes, friends, Alabama has some mountains. {technically foothills, but true elevation}

Today we drove to the top of Ebell Mountain, and hiked some easy trails around the park that is situated there. 

Friends, it felt so damn GOOD to be on some ancient rocks and soil of the Appalachian Mountains. I love living in Pensacola, and {for many reasons} I never want to return to where I grew up but this dark soil of these ancient rocks that comprise these Appalachians is part of one's DNA. 

Pensacola is home, I'll stay there for the remaining years I have on Earth. Yet my soul longs to hike elevation: particularly the elevation that reminds me so closely of my youth. For me, the BEST ting about growing up where I did is the biodiversity-- especially the biodiversity of the plant life. 

 Granted, the Appalachian Mountains are not homogenous. I am from the " ridge-and-valley Appalachians, and in Blount County, Alabama, there are technically foothills. At any rate, it is NOT sea level. 

 Brian mentioned at the amount of poverty we saw as we drove through Alabama north of Birmingham. I remarked that poverty is something that Appalachians have dealt with since the first White people settled in these woods. I might have grown up solidly middle-class, but poverty was a reality that affected many of my schoolmates. Poverty is a uniting factor in a diverse Appalachian- American population. One need not grow up poor to see how the poorest Americans struggle. 

I also understand that Appalachian Americans are some of the hardest-working, big-hearted people I've known. My understanding and love for these people-- my people-- is why I am wary of the stereotypes that the media {TV and movies, especially} portray the people of this region. 

Do I think Appalachia is a utopia. NO! {I've never voted like most {almost all} rural Appalachians. Are there some real social problems here? Yes! 

 I feel blessed to be able to spend a few days each year in these old mountains. 

Appalachian Americans are born, not made. 

Sarah Beth McCarren

Family

 In the wee hours of the morning, I lost a friend. Brian did, too. 

 Correction: I lost a brother. 

Anthony+ was my brother. 

 As I've grown a lot older and a wee bit wiser, I've decided that " Family" is not always synonymous with " relatives". Some relatives are too toxic to be family while others put their own self-righteous political/religious views over seeing people as our Creator sees us. 

It happens a lot. 

If we are fortunate enough to have relatives who are also family {and I DO have many such blood kin who are family} that is a blessing.  I've learned the hard way that sharing DNA with people makes them relatives-- but NOT always family. 

Family are people whom we want in our lives. 

They are people who might not always agree with us but love us nonetheless. Family are folks who see beyond human-made constructs such as geography and {and this is a BIG one} politics: They might not like our choices/ positions/ and even actions but they love us. 

At the same time, family are people who want us to live up to our God-given potential and are not afraid to do some truth-telling when needed. Some of my very favorite sisters are women whom I love in part because they will and do wake me up with some tough love. I've another brother, also a priest in this Diocese, who will not put up with any of my shit, either. 

Anthony+ was my brother. 

Ken+ is my brother.  

I'm blessed with one awesome biological brother, Matt. 

Yet I know that there are people in my life who do not consider their biological siblings as family. I wish that society as a whole would see the difference between relatives and family. Society as a whole glorified biological family to the point of idolatry in some instances. 

I lost an older brother today, and this is a loss that will take some time to process. I plan to deal with my own grief by doing the best I can to be a good family member to Anthony+s widow, their children, and his congregation. 

Many people lost a brother today. Anthony + was an only child, but he leaves behind so many siblings-in-Christ's-Love. 

Kyrie Elesion...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

My " Big Rocks" for 2023

 

                                                   Brian at the " big rock" known as Grandfather Mountain in Western NC . 

What are your " big rocks" for Year 2023. 

Maybe I better explain. " Big Rocks" are the important things in life-- things that we must schedule and make a priority. According to my priest's newsletter article for February, these " big rock" things must be scheduled first-- otherwise a'' the " little rocks" take precedence in using time, energy, resources and effort. 

Here are my 2023 " Big Rocks." 

1. Feeding my soul. 

As a wise friend pointed out, I tend to neglect my own spiritual and emotional needs. She said that unless I take time to " refill my cup" I'll be empty {I was getting there at the time she and I talked} 

Wise Friend asked me what would refill my cup, and the first thing I said was " Hiking in the mountains".  After a back-and-forth conversation {my friend was having none of my flimsy excuses, which is one reason why I adore her so much} I talked with Brian about taking a short trip to te Alabama Appalachian Mountains. Oddly enough, as soon as I booked that VRBO, I felt as if a huge weight lifted from my body. 

I also plan to continue studying the piano in 2023 as part of soul-care. {But piano, since it is new to me, is its own Big Rock} Piano study is good for my mind, body and soul, so it needs to be a priority. 

 I also plan to take time to be more intentional about maintaining my Rule of Life in 2023. I'd revised it As part of our vows as Daughters of The King, we develop and maintain a Rule of Life but mine had not been reviewed /revised since August & placed somewhere where I can look at it daily. 

 Part of feeding my soul will also include evaluating parts of my life that do not seem to fulfil me. Continuing to do anything that has outlived its purpose actually can drain one's emotional and spiritual cups quickly. 

2. Physical health. 

In 2023 I will tend to the Big Rock of eating enough to maintain my weight, staying hydrated {hydration is hard for me, but after the last trip to the local emergency room after another fainting episode, I NEED to be more mindful about water intake} 

I've scheduled a diagnostic procedure in early March after seeing yet another pain doctor regarding the chronic nerve pain that has plagued me for three years. The first course of treatments for the chronic pain does not work anymore, so we are exploring other options. I finally said, " screw the anti-drug people" and asked about temporarily using a mild narcotic to give me a few pain-free hours during the day. Until now, I'd resisted asking about heavy pain pills, until the pain left me hardly unable to walk. There is no shame in {properly} using pharmaceuticals. 

3 Intellectual Pursuits 

 In 2023, my main intellectual pursuit will be piano study. 

 I'll be faithful with attending lessons and {more importantly} practicing daily. Learning a new language -- music IS another language--requires discipline. Learning anything new as an adult is harder-- adult brains are not as pliable as those of younger people-- so learning this new language is harder than someone learning it as a child. I can already tell that piano will be the easiest Big Rock for me to maintain this year-- I'm enjoying it so much! 

 I also plan to write more this year-- as writing is and always has been about an art and a necessity for me. 

These are my three " Big Rocks" for 2023. What are yours? 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Justice for Tyre. It's Personal

 

 

My heart is sad. 

 This past week, the world watched in horror as a man, a Black man, was stomped to death by police in Memphis. 

 My heart goes out to Tyre' Nichols' family and friends. May his soul rise in power. 

 However, I cannot help but to see the faces of Black men I know and love in Tyre's handsome face. I especially see the faces of two men whom I've known since they were students with my brother at The University of Cincinati over 20 years ago. These two men-- and their families-- are more family to me than some of my blood relatives. Yes, I am bold enough to say that these two men are brothers as much as Matt is to me.  

Tyre was someone's biological and/or fictive brother. He surely was someone's son. He had friends and relatives. 

 Tyre Nichols was stopped by the police for " reckless driving", and for that minor infraction he was murdered by a cop. 

 To be honest, friends, I find it hard to believe in cops.  Our Black, Brown and LGBTQ+ siblings have tried to tell mainstream White America that the very nature of the American law enforcement and corrections institutions are racist for years.  And as long as I'm being honest, I've hid behind my White privilege and defended the system. 

 I'm not hiding behind my Whiteness anymore. 

 While it is true that there are law enforcement officers who are good people, the fact is that the modern police forces are built upon years of oppressing anyone who is not White. 

 Things will never change until White people-- and I am totally including myself in this statement-- own the fact that our " law enforcement" is not and never has been equal for all. 

 How many Black men must die before things change? 

 To my Black brothers: I love you. Stay safe. 

 Kyrie elesion. 

 Sarah Beth McCarren