"Women can learn that their better selves can be measured in Weight Watchers points, squeeze into Kim Kardashian's waist trainers, or be enhanced by the latest shade of Mary Kay lipstick. ~Kate Bowler _ No Cure For Being Human_ Chapter 1
I'm reading Bowler's book about her battle with Stage 4 cancer. Although I am only on chapter 2, I've already had my highlighting and underlining pen working.
Life threatening-- or in my case life altering-- medical diagnoses make one think about what is really important.
I've suffered from terrible nerve pain in my spine for two years. While my chronic condition will not kill me, it has altered my life in many ways.
Running was a way that I would escape my troubles of the day. The treadmill was where I went to relieve my mind, body, and soul of stresses that were beyond my control. I'd don the earbuds, step on the treadmill and run a mile as fast and as hard as I could. I found comfort in getting my heart pumping quicky as I moved in time to the music on my Spotify app. I kept my posture tall and proud as I slightly altered the elevation settings to make the run more realistic.
To be honest, I cannot run anymore. On some days, I cannot walk without pain. Thankfully, I am at the point in my treatment journey where I have several hours where there is no pain.
I won't lie, for an athlete to be reduced to depending on a cane to walk due to pain and a weak right leg has been life-altering.
It has taught me that I am, after all, more than my body. I had to learn that my worth as a person does not depend on how fast strong and toned I am.
I'm scrawny from muscle mass loss. My right leg still won't get messages from my brain. And I still suffer from nerve pain at the end of every day because my small body cannot tolerate more than one pain pill daily.
I'm still alive, and I am thankful.
To be honest, there have been days when I felt angry at God for my physical limitations.
Recently I was reminded that emotions like anger, shame and fear do not line up with what Scripture teaches us about God.
God loves me, in spite of the fact that walking hurts. My physical ailments happened for reasons that are beyond my control.
Many of us, if we live long enough, will face serious medical challenges. That is part of being human. Kate Bowler definitely learned this lesson earlier than most people. In my mid-forties, with a diagnosis that makes life literally pain full, I've had to learn this lesson, too.
My life has been different as a chronic pain patient, but not always terrible. I've picked up new hobbies {including playing the piano} that exercise my body, mind and soul differently. Chronic pain has taught me to live life one day at a time.
Amen.
Sarah Beth McCarren
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