Storms, Rituals and Sacraments in times of COVID

 

          An abalone shell, gifted to me by a friend,  remains on my altar near the St Brigid Cross that my parents brought back to me from Ireland. the St Joan of Arc rosary is in the shell, hidden in plain sight. ~ Photo by The Pensacola Hippie. 

   Here in northwest Florida, we are feeling the effects of Hurricane Ida-- which slammed into Louisiana sometime last night.  Today we woke to bands of drizzle, followed by a break, and then more rain. Brian and I did manage to get out to the grocery this afternoon, and we did not see any major damage on our side of town. 

   Anyway, with all the " crap" going on right now, it is hard to be a "sensitive" soul. COVID is still raging all over the nation, there is international unrest and partisan  division over how the United States should have handled that international crisis at this time, Not to mention, the outer bands of " Ida" that we in Northwest Florida and Southwest Alabama are experiencing today leave a literal cast of gray in the sky. 

   On a more personal level, I am doing my best to process the illness of a dear mentor/friend. I'm ding my best to prayerfully and intentionally separate my own  issues regarding terminal illness and death so that I can best  ' carry Christ to her.  After all this is her journey--- I am merely accomanying her along the way for as far as I can go. 

  I've found that small, but meaningful rituals help me remember what my role is in this new dynamic with my friend. Since the only daily communication she can muster right now is texting, I make a point of texting her something beautiful or comforting. One morning I sent a photo of our goofy dog, Harry . Today, I sent her a photo of the seashells which I'd ritually arranged in an artistic order around the abalone shell that is a gift from another special soul sister. This afternoon I walked out into our flower garden and cut some fresh flowers to artfully arrange on the water vase on the altar. { My sick friend LOVES flowers} 

  Rituals-- even my small, insignificant-to-anyone-else rituals help to center my mind & heart. I find rituals especially comforting during literal storms  and the stormy feelings I need to own regarding my sick friend. I also light two altar candles, one in memory of my grandmother-- I feel her presence when I see that flame lit. I also light a candle to honor my friend, whose Earth-light is still here , but no one knows for how much longer. 

  I am grateful for a Christian community that values all forms of personal prayer and piety. My rituals are not mere word prayers, they are simple, yet visceral actions that connect me to God, and the person for whom I pray--  or from whom I seek guidance. 

\ On Saturday Brian and I participated in another communal ritual: one of the peaceful protest. If the definition of " sacrament" is outward and visible signs of inward and spiritual grace ...,  than I can and will make the argument that for we people-of-faith-- peaceful protesting and other ways of making good trouble, necessary trouble { John Lewis} is a sacramental act. 

                                                 Me, holding a " Black Votes Matter" sign before Saturday's protest. Photo by Brian. 

By participating in the peaceful protest-- a protest that was organized to ensure that Florida's voting laws are not unfairly changed to make voting difficult for some people, I can argue that this action was the outward and visible sign that Jesus' life is The Way for all of us to try to follow. 

  During these stormy times, I am grateful for the rituals of the established Church and  rituals that I practice that bring me closer to God the Creator. My sacramental acts of direct action in my community is just beginning--- we'll see how much in-person work we can do safely. 

In love and liberation for all humans...

~Sarah McCarren 

30-August 2021

Direct ACTION: Back at It!

                           Living Civil Rights leader from the 70's , The Rev Dr HK Matthews, was the keynote speaker at todays march/rally for voting rights in Florida. ~ Photo by The Pensacola Hippie.

After almost two LONG years of advocacy work from behind a computer screen,  I am BAAAAACK!!!! 

 Brian and I went to the Pensacola March Rally On Voting Rights this morning. We-- with a small but strong cross-section of the Pensacola area met at the Supervisor of Elections and marched to a square where we gathered { safely, masked and distanced} for inspirational speakers from the Black community. The march was peaceful as we chanted in solidarity & respectfully gave each person/ family unit space. 

 It was good to see { masked} friends at the rally, some of whom I'd not seen in months. I even acquired a new facial accessory today.... check it out { Zoom in on my face , it reads Black Votes Matter. }

                                                    Brian and me at the Supervisor of Elections office, before the march #BlackVotesMatter 

   Florida has some really scary legislation coming up that will affect many people in this state-- but is especially aimed at people-of-color. I have a copy of the the voting rights changes, and reading it makes my head spin. 

  VOTING IS FUNDAMENTAL TO DEMOCRACY. Yes, people have a right to  not vote. But NO ONE---- especially a state or federal branch of government--- has a right to restrict voting rights for otherwise qualified citizens. 

  Voting rights should be nonpartisan.  Regardless of one's political party affiliation { or lack of affiliation} } voting rights should be everyone's concern. 

  The fact that some Florida lawmakers are working so hard to squash voter eligibility shows that progress is just around the corner.

  This latest attempt by Florida's governor is aimed especially at Black and Brown voters-- imposing more hardships that can potentially block them from having their chance to participate in the political process. 

  I attended today's event as a concerned, engaged, active voter--- and ***** not****** as a member of my political party. I attended the event as the daughter of one veteran, the spouse of another and the parishioner of yet another veteran. These three, among many others I know-- have willingly fought for the right for this country to maintain our basic freedoms. The fact that this governor still has support with this ridiculous { and probably unconstitutional}  attempt to control who votes { and how they vote } scares and saddens me. 

But in the words of the song by Twisted Sister: 

"We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore

We've got the right to choose and
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song
We'll fight the powers that be just
Don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong"

After the 2018 mid-term elections, I swore to myself I'd stay away from politics. This attack on Floridians' voting rights, in addition to the horrors we all witnessed on January 6 has caused me to re-think my stance on political action. I wish tings were not so partisan, but right now America is as divided in ideals as its ever been in my lifetime. Partisan politics scare me, because I seek to unite-- to bring us together as Americans and Floridians-- as humans.  January 6-- an attempted coup on our very democracy by Americans exposed what had been brewing just under the surface for several years. 

   I'll never forget where I was and who I was with that morning. { thankfully among safe people} I still shudder when I think about what almost happened on that day.  But " nice people" don't bring up the events of January 6 and the people who were behind that attempt at a coup. This event is another defining moment of my generation--- much like the horrors imposed on this nation by a foreign enemy. 

  I must act. 

   “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

― Elie Wiesel

I've been that " nice White moderate" for all of my adult life-- afraid to rock the boat and cause riffs in friendships and family. But knowing how hard some of our elected officials are working to keep many Floridians from our rightful chance to vote reminds me of the horrors of January 6. 

I am taking a side. I am standing up with and for oppressed people. and I'm speaking. 

With Love & Liberation....

~Sarah McCarren

8-28-2021

Black Lives Matter & Black VOTES Matter

                                           My " Hippie Sandals"... tie dye and sparkly. Perfect protest shoes--- comfy, durable and LOUD! 

   For the first time in 18 months, I will be at a protest march/rally in Pensacola on Saturday. I had to keep Brian safe from COVID last summer, so I regrettably stayed home from the two week Black Lives Matter Vigil held here in town. But with both Brian and I vaccinated, wearing masks, not touching or breathing on anyone else, and using and sanitizer-- I feel safe to be " out there' making some  holy trouble. 

 During my forced absence from protest and other holy troublemaking activities, I've had time to reflect on why I engage in such work. 

 Currently I am reading Pastor Elle Dowd's { ELCA Lutheran} book Baptized In Tear Gas: From White Moderate To Abolitionist. I'm learning that much of my growing up in a nearly all-White rural Appalachian community blinded me to what racism is and how much privilege I have just by the color of my skin. In my high school , there was one Black boy in our class. He was a football player, so of course he was tolerated  But racism lived just under the surface at those rural high schools 

My brother, on the other hand, attended a more urban-ish high school  with more Black students. He befriended a Black boy in middle school , and asked if " K" could come home with him for the weekend. I remember the boys minding their own business  playing basketball outside . A car drove down the street and an ADULT White male yelled racial slurs at both my brother & his friend. For me, this was my introduction to Life As a Black American. 

  I remember feeling anger and sadness on behalf of my brother's friend, but I did not realize that, just by being White-- I felt safe in Rural Appalachia. " Polite " people did not talk about racism, sexism or hetero-normative-only relationships when I was growing up. To be frank, there has been more open and honest discussion about White Privilege & the history of how police have dealt with minority Americans { including LGBTQ+ people} here in Pensacola than I ever remember hearing while growing up. 

  Even throughout high school and both WLU and UWF, I remained a relatively ignorant White Moderate. I knew that some people were raised to hate anyone Not Like Us & had been on the receiving end of some of that in the form of anti-Semitism { Ashkenazi Jew from Ukraine on Mom's side of the family}but I certainly did not hang around such people. 

  In her book, Elle talks about the Ferguson uprising after the police murder of an unarmed Black man named Michael Brown and how she, as a White Moderate tried to figure out her role in supporting civil rights for our Black and Brown siblings. 

 One quote in Chapter Two struck me hard > Elle writes" The Black people in Ferguson and the Black people all over the world do not get days off from being Black. " { Dowd page 34}

 White supporters such as myself need to take our cues from our Black kin. Black Americans have been fighting systemic racism that we White people cannot imagine since they were small children. 

  When canvassing for a political candidate back in 2018-- I listened to stories of my Black neighbors who have not voted in years-- citing that none of the politicians really want to dismantle the societal systems that continually oppress Black families. Furthermore , there are and have been laws on the books here in Florida that specifically aim to keep Black people from the polls. 

  This is why I am committed to safely showing up with and for our neighbors-of-color tomorrow . Besides standing in solidarity, I shall be there to listen and learn. 

  Elle said something else in Chapter Two of her book that struck a chord with my heart. She writes: I was a well-read White girl who cared about doing what was right, But the Black activists in the streets not only had good hearts and plenty of ' book knowledge '; they also ad grown up getting' the talk' around how to act around police. " {Dowd page 34}

  My brother and I NEVER had to worry about what to say and how to act around cops. It did not occur to me that this is not the case for many Americans, including POC and all people in same-sex relationships, and transgender people. In June I watched a Netflix miniseries called PRIDE , a well-done { and eye-opening} documentary series on the struggles for equality for LGBTQ+ Americans. 

My dear White kin, we need to have these conversations. Furthermore ,we need to look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that we can never live in Black skin. We can only do our best to listen , learn and follow THEIR lead. 

Amen. 

In Love and Liberation for All....

~Sarah McCarren

Pensacola FL 

27 August 2021

For ALL Of Us; Love your Neighbor, COVER YOUR FACE

                          Brian and me, Vaccinated AND Masked. #LOVEYOURNEIGHBOR

Among another sad story that is not mine to share, COVID hit close to home this week. While that story is not mine to tell, I CAN  tell you how this superspreading has affected me-- without making neither Brian nor me sick. 

 I'm angry. No-- I am PISSED OFF. 

We had to return to mask-wearing -- NOT because " the government told us to do it-- but because we love & care for the children and vulnerable , vaccinated adults in our lives. We don't mask because we think vaccines are ineffective. As a matter of fact, we know vaccinated people-- several-- who came down with ' breakthrough" cases of COVID that were much milder. I mask up when I go visit a sick loved one because I know that any germ--- not just COVID-- that would merely annoy me could  end her life.  

" The Government" did not force us to return to masking and physical distancing. No-- it is all the " patriots" { sic} who refuse the free- painless safe series of shots wo are holding our country in a deadly, depressing holding pattern. 

  We vaccinated folks cannot safely go to the emergency room, since hospitals are literally overrun with sick COVID patients who refused to take the vaccine. 

  Recently I finished reading Vice-President Kamala Harris' book, One of the quotes from her book _The Truths We Hold_ came at the end of her story. 

  "For all our differences, for all our battles, for all our fights we are all one American family, and we should act like it." ~Madame Vice President Kamala D. Harris

  I know many people who do not like Madame Vice President-- and that IS your choice. However, it is NOT your " choice" to put your political views ahead of public safety for all--- especially since getting the vaccines and wearing masks when asked to is so damn easy. 

 " Masks are uncomfortable" Trust me, I need eyeglasses to see{ contact lenses are not an option} and every time I walk out into the Florida humidity and put on a cloth mask, the glasses fog. But I wait until I am safely inside and then de-fog the glasses. Brian and I find comfortable masks that fit not-too-snugly around our noses and mouth and that have nose clips that keep the mask in place. 

  Even vaccinated people run a chance of either catching or carrying COVID-- and its our PATRIOTIC DUTY to keep ourselves and our human siblings safe. COVID is real. Masks and vaccines are not yet perfect-- but science evolves. I agree that the government should not need to make laws to keep us safe from each other putting their " rights" above saving lives of innocent people-- including CHILDREN. We don't live in the Utopia that God wants for us, where we look at every person we see as a sibling-- another of God's Beloveds. 

 I am weary and angry about continuing to need to protect people from COVID. But I willingly do it. I try to make the best of a lousy necessity of masking by carrying around a collection of cute, comfortable " facial accessories" but I so want to see smiles of people I love again. But what I want right now is not important. 

  Again "...we are all one American family, and we should act like it." ~Madame Vice President Kamala D. Harris.

Mask Up. Get the shots. Care about others. 

~Sarah McCarren

24 August 2021

Affirming and Supporting Neuro-Diverse People, of Which I am One

                                         Hand-beaded bracelet I bought today . Artist is a person who is a client of #PyramidIncorporated, who work with special needs adults in creative endeavors. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie 

I love colors---- clothing, furniture, betta fish plants, shoes, ect. So today Brian and I were browsing the local downtown market when a pretty purple, pink & blue beaded bracelet caught my eye. I went over to examine the piece closely & chatted with the booth-keepers. It turns out that the wall art * beadwork they had for sale is made by clients of Pyramid, Incorporated. 

Here is the Web site for a better explanation than I can give:

Pyramid Pensacola

I first got acquainted with the good work { and promotion of arts! } when I attended a Christmas  concert by their singing group " The Pyramid Singers few years back. I was impressed wit the level of professionalism, and joy that these singers;; all of whom are  ' differently-abled". 

When I saw te Pyramid logo on the booth, I chatted with the people staffing the booth I told them, that as a visual artist myself & former choral singer { I miss that-- but God calls me to other work right now} I appreciate the beauty of each piece on display. The person wo teaches visual arts for Pyramid told me that all they do is show the clients the technique, the choice of colors, sizes, and patters are at the discretion of the artist. 

I am impressed. 

On a more personal note: I know all too well to be judged { by teachers, principals and even some relatives}for having a brain that is anything but neurotypical.  Most people can handle a lot of sensory input, but the way my newborn brain was damaged at birth by a traumatic delivery. All of the lobes of the brain that control sensory input are affected , and in my case I do not process auditory stimuli well. It appears to neurotypical people that I ' have "sensitive ears", but that is not accurate. I CANNOT process certain sounds well. Acoustics of certain places { including places of worship} are hard for me to tolerate. Also, if the TV is on when I am trying to work { write or do art} I cannot get my brain to shut out the TV sounds. Commercials, which are louder than any featured program, also are not well-tolerated by me. 

Auditory processing, which is controlled by the temporal lobe, is my biggest sensory-processing issue -- and the deficit tat makes life hardest for me.  I also have some issues with touch and smell, which are controlled by the same lobe. For instance HATE shoes and socks. One of the blessings for me as a Florida is that sandals { open toes} are acceptable footwear all year long. Any type of medical exam that requires putting pressure on me is torture. I've not yet been able to complete a glaucoma test , the pressure of that puff of air--- a minor annoyance to most people-- actually HURTS me. 

Another area where I have some neurological challenges is with numbers. This was a fairly ovious difference early on in school, as I struggled with learning my multiplication--- not to mention the hell that was high school algebra. I did not know until well into adulthood that others struggle with the same difficulties with math-- an that the clinical term for this learning difference is dyscalculia.  I still ' hate math' but now I know why math is so hard for me. 

  I say all this to remind people that all humans are made in God's Image. Some of us have differences that are harder to detect { and therefore much harder to understand} while others' neurological differences are more seen by untrained eyes. I am blessed to be a part of a family, activism circle, and church community who all recognize my talents and are grace-full with my limitations. 

 I am proud to live in a community group where people of different needs can shine in the arts. Humans, at least in my experience, are designed to create-- and we all should have chances to hone that inner artist. Sing, dance, act, make jewelry, pain, sculpt, write. To create is to be in partnership with our Creator. 

I'm grateful for groups such as Pyramid Incorporated that brings out the creative talents of people who might otherwise be overlooked. 

Thank God for art and artists. And by that I mean art made by all artists. 

Amen. 

~Sarah McCarren

21-August-2021

~Sarah
 

A Open, Personal Letter to " Grief"

                                            "Grief was that relative I heard stories about. I knew her in the way I knew Uncle Gerald, someone I never met but learned so much about. Then my husband died, and there Grief was, shaking my hand. I offered her the guest bedroom, scrambling to make it comfortable, but not too comfortable because I didn’t want her to stay long. Instead of the guest bedroom, she marched right into my bedroom and dropped her heavy bags. Years later, she’s still with me, now an old friend, someone to sip martinis with and remember." — Barbara Phillips (originally published in Modern Love on March 30, 2021)

Dear Grief....

I'm expecting you to visit me. I know not when you will arrive, but I am doing my best to daily prepare space in my house for you. Right now, I must guard my house, and not allow your anticipated arrival to prevent me from tending to the life I have now.

I am blessed, as I have a support system here that will help me reluctantly welcome you into the house. My spouse has met you before, but in a different situation . You have also made yourself quite comfortable in the homes of my parents and Dad's siblings after Grandma died back in December. Thanks to COVID, I was not in Pennsylvania with you and my relatives. But I know you were there and I did the best I could to support my long-distance family members

I do not anticipate your arrival with joy. Nevertheless, I know that you come because Love happened. I don't regret love---- and am wrestling with the fact that Love will always lead to Grief visiting. I know I will need to sit with you once you get here-- and to be honest , I'd rather just show you to your room and never talk to you. But because of Love, I must deal with your visits.

 "Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson

  I give thanks for the 45 years that I loved my Grandma on Earth and still feel her presence daily. Your visit here after I lost Grandma was late due to COVID, so when you came I let you have too much freedom in my home. 

Lesson learned: I CANNOT and WILL NOT be consumed with you when you visit.  I am making the most of the time I have with my loved one { using proper COVID protocols} I will enjoy every interaction with her--- even if all that can be right now are text messages. I'm grateful that there are so many ways we humans can Love; that visits from you, Grief are nuanced. Love will turn to Grief if Love remains alive long enough. Waiting for you, Grief is taxing. But I must, for the sake of my own sanity & because I love the person I expect to lose, cannot dwell on your future arrival. 

 Grief, Love is worth the occasional visit from you. I love deeply, so when you arrive I will feel your presence more acutely than most people. Each person experiences you in a different way-- but we all ate visits from you. But, being a human capable of Big Love means that I expect Big Grief when you arrive. 

 My priest, in her wisdom, asked me a profound question. She wanted to know if I felt that the long, close relationship I have and enjoyed for many years is wort feeling the weight of a visit from Grief. My answer was an absolute YES!  This person's presence in my life is and has been part of what shaped me into the woman I am today. 

 Until we meet again, I will Walk in Love....

~Sarah McCarren

Life Lesson for Year 2021: It's Not All About Me

                                                Selfie of me sporting my newest mask: one of the three-layer kind that I picked up at CVS. They have cute ones in all sizes of people are looking to update their face wear wardrobe! 

   So far, Year 2021 has been a wee bit better than Year 2020. We enjoyed a brief respite this spring and early summer as more and more adults got their COVID vaccines. But Nature threw us weak-minded humans a viral curve ball,. The new variant of COVID is more contagious than the first wave bug and is especially hard on children & young adult bodies.

  So Brian, myself and every decent human I know are back to masking indoors in public.  I DO NOT want to catch a " breakthrough " case of COVID-- which my vaccination will protect me from really getting ill-- vaccines work. But more importantly, I do not wish to be a silent, asymptomatic carrier of this new variant to children waiting for vaccine approval , nor do I want to spread it to a vaccinated yet medically-vulnerable adult. 

 This part of St Paul's Letter to the Christian community in ancient  Phillipi comes to mind 

                          " Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" PHIL 2:4

Now in spite of the sexist language that this translation has, I still find the general meaning of St Paul's words true to us right now. Pensacola is seeing record numbers of COVID hospital admitting , where pediatric E.R beds are full in big cities throughout The Sunshine State.

Yet our Governor wishes to keep Florida " open for business" at the cost of innocent lives.

Of course I would not wish COVID on anyone. But to be fair, I blame those adults who choose to NOT get the shots when their turn came for this spike in case numbers and deaths. I realize that it still an " experimental" vaccine, but it has already been proven that the majority of the COVID patients on ventilators and otherwise needing hospital care are unvaccinated adults.

By insisting that vaccination requirements are stepping on their " freedoms" they are to blame for the sickness in children and other adults with lung conditions for which COVID would mean certain death.

I have a dear friend, someone whom I've known for over 20 years who is sick and oxygen-dependent right now. For s long as I've known her, she has been one of the most patient, loving, Christ-like souls. We didn't always see eye-to-eye on everything, and she's as stubborn as I am but I love her unconditionally.

Because I love her and do not want to bring COVID { Or even the flu} into her home, I wore a mask and stayed a safe distance during our first in-person visit since before the COVID crisis . Due to my keeping my nose and mout fully covered, she could not see the smile on my lips. I can only hope and pray that she saw the smile reflected in my eyes. Additionally, I did not hug her, or even squeeze her hand as I bade farewell. Touch is one of my' love languages' , so not being able to reach out and touch my friend in a physical way hurt my heart. But this is not about me. My friend's health situation required that I be extra-careful { hands sanitized before I came into her house} and wore the mask for our entire visit. Love requires us to do what we can to protect those whom we cherish.

I'll repeat again for those who still refuse to listen. This is NOT about YOU and YOUR " comfort". if you are vaccinated, great: as am I and my spouse. But the vaccine will not always protect everyone from being a silent carrier--- you may never get COVID, but you can be a spreading agent. You can unwittingly pass a virus onto someone such as my friend, and kill them. Choosing not to mask can also spread the virus to young children, for whom the vaccine is not yet approved.

Yes, you have a choice. But there are good choices and poor choices. Vaccinated adults: ESPECIALLY adults who practice a faith,} should do the mitzvah of masking when indoors, in public , or around children and/or vulnerable adults who are vaccinated. Adults who still refuse to vaccinate will find that COVID does not discriminate.

Remember, people: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR ME.

Grow up. Vaccinate. Then, be a good human and Mask Up!

That's all for now....

~Sarah McCarren

8-18-2021