#Unpacking: I am Enough

                  This year's " found treasure" from the women's retreat.  I claimed it because this weekend of celebrating the enfleshment of the Triune Holy One reminds me that I am " perfectly " made in the Divine image and also invited to dance with Them. Photo by The Pensacola Hippie

I dedicated today to unpacking and putting away things from the retreat. In that spirit-- I committed to " unpacking" a wee bit about what I experienced that year. Each St Christopher's Annual Women's Retreat is special, and each year I come back with a better experience of The Holy. 

   This year's theme was " Divine Dance" We explored that theme in many different ways, from worship to dance/ movement activities in both large and small groups, to baking bread using things from the Earth we inhabit.

 During some Saturday afternoon free time, I took a slow walk around the gorgeous Camp Beckwith campus. Something shiny on one of the picnic tables near the bay caught my eye. Sine shiny things attract me, I stopped to look at the lovingly painted oyster shell with the words YOU ARE ENOUGH   painted in a gold-colored craft paint. Sensing that I needed this message, I picked up the shell. 

Early the next morning I had some time to journal in my room. I recalled how hard it is for me, at middle-age, to feel like I am enough-- just as God made me. My physical body is far from society's idea of " perfect". Learning to accept this reality is hard-- as I've always been active.  I'm far from sedentary, but my fitness routine has evolved to suit an aging vessel. 

I cannot bear children from my womb {and it is now Mother's Month, which is a whole other essay which I probably won't write} My back-- with all its rods and screws, requires twice yearly injections to keep me walking with no pain and with a safe balance. My eyes now require trifocals.  And the latest #LifeAsSarah diagnosis is one that had my blood pressure and pulse dangerously low because my vagus nerve {the nerve that runs from the bottom of the brain to the lower gut area} will misfire signals that affect my heart. 

That is some scary shit. Since God still wants me to dance with Them, I am making some major diet and lifestyle changes. 

Physically, I feel broken. My body simply cannot do some of the activities it did at a younger age. each May, I'm inundated with pleas to   " make her day on Mother's Day" as I plan to quietly sit alone in church and seethe. 

That small find on the campus of God's Front Yard affirmed that I, in all my physical brokenness, am enough. I, like my healthier sisters around the world, am also invited to dance with the Divine Three. God cares not what a person's physical body can or cannot accomplish, They only care that we humans spend some time dancing { whatever dancing might look like for each person according to ability} with Them. As Bishop Russell Kendrick, of The Diocese of the Central Gulf Coast, says God made you { me} God knows you{ me} God loves you { me}. 

 You are enough. I am enough

 God invites us all to dance, and They delight when we accept the invitation. 

Amen

Sarah McCarren

2 May 2022