Another Dear Doc" post: a lot of piano content

                               " Doc" at one of her happy places, the organ at St Michael's Basilica, Pensacola FL 

Dear Doc...

I have not written one of these Letters to Heaven in a while. 

That does not mean that I don't think of you-- I do think of you and miss you every day. When you first died, I spent several months writing " Dear Doc" letters in a spiral notebook. This practice helped me feel closer to you as our relationship changed from both of us being on this Earthly plane to one of us residing in Heaven. 

Your " homegoing" {as you so lovingly referred to death} was the first significant loss in my life. For 45 years, I'd not experienced a profound loss, and for that fact I am grateful. Both my parents are still alive and healthy, and until you died, all the deaths I'd known that were close to me were people who were sick and/or elderly. 

I remember the last time we saw each other. Nathaniel {may his soul rest in peace and power, too} messaged me on Facebook and said something to the effect of " Your better go see my Mom now, if you are planning to see her at all." Our brief visit is something that I will cherish for the rest of my natural life. True to form, you did not wish to talk about yourself, you wanted to hear everything about me: since our e-mail correspondence of 22 years had slowed down with you declining health. 

Anyway, here is an update: 

I am doing well in my piano study.  A lot of what I do is more like physical therapy. For instance: my teacher has me doing drills with my hands, strengthening my muscles and { more importantly} starting to heal those damaged neural pathways from my birth injury. You'll be glad to know that I mastered the " 8-Finger Scale" using one hand at a time, and the next task is for me to master the 8-Finger -Scale using both hands at the same time. Oy, vey!

 I won't lie, this is hard stuff. When I was at UWF and in your choir groups, I'd always admired how your fingers would, with amazing agility, play the scales for our warm-ups. Your years of dedication made scales look easy to the {then uninformed} observer.  It took me several weeks, but I did master the 8-finger scale using one hand at a time. My teacher told me to start and end my day with prayers and scales.   She, like you, is a woman of deep faith.

I am also reading music now. Learning music really is like learning a new language, and languages are not my strong suit. Thankfully I am persistent. My family says, more accurately that I am STUBBORN, and they are not wrong in that assessment. 

Interestingly, I find that learning some pieces from a book of " easy" {relatively speaking, of course} classical works for piano helps me with reading music. I've discovered that the styles of music that I prefer to learn to play - Rock and roll, popular, and Broadway can be much harder to read and to play. I've found that, once I master one of these pieces, they are my go-to pieces when I need to play the piano, rather than practicing new material. The Beatles' Let It Be is a piece that I play/pray often, and it comforts me. 

Hey you-- stop laughing! :) Yes, I am the smarty pants student who replaced your CD for the Music History class with one of my bootlegged Aerosmith CD's one April Fools' Day. 

Thanks for the introduction to classical music. While I am still very much a rock and roll gal, learning music theory by playing parts of the classical masterworks has given me an appreciation for the genre. However, I'll always choose The Beatles and the Beach Boys over Beethoven and Bach. 

Brian and I transformed one of our spare bedrooms into a studio for me. Like yours was in your East Hill home, my Music Room is my favorite room in the house. My piano, ukulele, Brian's guitar, and my two overflowing bookshelves are in this room. Additionally, I've added many souvenirs from trips taken and framed photos of loved ones to shelves in this room. It is a beautiful space, and so " Sarah" .  :) 

I know you are proud of me, and I also know that you understand why we'd not been a good piano teacher/ beginning piano student team. Students from your studio are amazing, but I feel that I might have disappointed you with my clumsy hands.

My teacher's first career was as a nurse, and she's done graduate-level work on using piano to help brain-injured people. My progress will be slower due to two things A} I'm a middle-aged adult beginning this incredible journey and B} clumsy hands due to my right and left-brain halves not communicating well. I'm okay with working slower-- and you know darn well that it has taken much personal growth over the years for me to admit that fact aloud. 

I love you, Doc, and I miss you. Yet I know that *** somehow*** our souls will be reunited. Until then, I'll keep making music daily. 

Love,

Sarah 

As Fathers' Day Approaches....

                                                     My Dad and brother.. circa 1979-80? 

Fathers' Day is this weekend. 

I have a wonderful father, and I celebrate him daily.  Dan {" Dad" to my brother and me} does more for his family than anyone I know, and I've learned a lot about how to be a decent human from my dad. 

He's active in his community is engaged with what is happening in his community, is an avid reader and sports fan. 

I like to think that my best qualities are either inherited or learned from Dan. 

He is an amazing human, and I get to call him " Dad". 

I have an Earthly father with whom that Creator of The Universe blessed me. 

However, not everyone has the Dad I have. While I celebrate my own father this weekend, I also realize that this weekend might evoke negative emotions for a lot of people. 

Father's Day does not hold the same cultural " ooomph" that is found with Mothers' Day, but I realize that it can trigger sadness, pain, or anger in some people. 

Some had a dad like Dan, but he has died. 

I see you and honor your sadness. 

Many people's relationship with their father is strained. 

Your sorrow is valid. 

Some never knew their father's name. 

I'm sorry. 

Other people dealt with absent or abusive fathers or father figures. 

I'm sorry. You did not deserve that sort of treatment from a parent. 

This weekend, celebrate the fathers and father figures in your life.  But if you see on social media that someone really dislikes this day, please scroll on. If you must, ask them gently and without judgement, why they seem hostile towards Father's Day. Respect them if they choose to share, and don't pressure them in any way to share their story. 

In other words, don't be a jerk. 

Really, it is that simple. Be kind. 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 
 

My Space to " Be"

                                                      My " Music Room" 

Vacations are wonderful, and I am grateful for the opportunity to get away for a few days. 

For many reasons, I am glad to be home.  One of the biggest things that I missed when we were away is my " music room" and my piano. 

Since taking the piano on a road trip to the mountains is impractical, I packed my ukulele and the instruction book from which I am working. 

One of the biggest reasons why I am glad to be home is that I've missed my daily discipline of working on the piano. I spend half an hour each morning working on assignments that my teacher gives me. If i have time in the evening, I enjoy playing pieces that I've already learned. 

Since taking the piano on a road trip to the mountains is impractical, I packed my ukulele and the instruction book from which I am working. 

Making music daily is physical, emotional, and cognitive therapy for me. Currently my assignment is to build strength in my finger muscles, my teacher has me doing five-finger drills up and down the piano-- using both hands at the same time! {oy, vey} 

Today I went to the music room and played my assigned drills. My fingers felt a wee bit stiff from their time away from the daily strength training, but I still completed the drills that are assigned for me. 

When I was on vacation, I played my ukulele daily {and probably drove my family " around the bend" by playing the same songs again and again. Playing a fretted instrument works the hands differently than piano work and is not the same cognitive workout that working at the piano is for me. 

Yet music making is joy-full for me, and a way which I meditate and pray. Whether it is me and my uke or me and my piano, daily music-making is essential to my total health. 

It is also essential that I have my own space, my " room of her own". Vacations are wonderful, but I am at my best when I am secure in my surroundings. I'm grateful that Brian gave me the physical space to have a " music room" . I struggle with a lot of depressive episodes, as well as some few & fa between} manic episodes, and having that safe sanctuary in my home helps me stay or get centered. 

"Your personal history is a part of what happens with your hands and your head when you play music" ~Dave Grohl 

Amen and amen again. 

I'm safe in my music room: it is just me, the piano and my " shit".  And as I play, the " shit" evaporates. 

Playing music-- even simple piano drills- makes me healthier and whole. 

~Sarah Beth McCarren 

Roan Mountain Photo Essay

                                             The top of Roan Mountain, in Tennessee. 

Brian and I took a HIKE today. 

More accurately, we hiked TWICE today Our first hike was easy-- it was a leisurely half-mile. 

 The longer, two-mile hike that we took was much harder. It was a bone-fide hike through the side of a mountain.  The trail was NOT for beginners, or anyone with physical limitations. Both Brian and I are in good physical condition, and the trail challenged us. 

Here is how we found this amazing, exhausting place to hike:

Last evening, some friends who live here during the summer months, told us about Roan Mountain State Park in Tennessee.  We woke early, ate breakfast {and COFFEE, of course} and drive down Beech Mountain. The park is easy to find, we just veered right at the foot of the mountain rather than or usual left-hand turn towards Banner Elk. Roan Mountain is just over the NC/TN border. 

We TRIED to find the park of the park that is part of the famed Appalachian Trail, but that effort did not yield fruit. However, the view from that mountaintop is AMAZING. 

                                               Me contemplating the beauty of God's Creation. If we ever come into some money, I want a summer place here in these Appalachians. 

First, we hiked an easy half-mile trail that went around the " river" {it is more like a creek}. This was marked " easy" on the trail map, and we had no problem hiking the half-mile trail. 

                                          The " creek" that runs through Roan Mountain. 

 The second, longer hike was two miles long and ran along the edge of the mountain. I am grateful that Brian had the foresight to buy hiking poles, because-- as healthy and fit as we both are-- the poles were needed to maintain balance on this trail. It started up a HUGE, rocky incline. 

                                        The " small rock" at the beginning of the two-mile trail. Brian is amazed at the huge rock formations of these mountains. I'm thankful that North Carolina and Tennessee had the sense to preserve these mountains, rather than ruin them by strip mining for cola and now raping the hills for fossil fuel gas. 

                                          

I led the way through most of the hike, but there were certain parts of the trail where I let my husband, a former park ranger at home in Florida, take the lead. Tennessee State Parks does a pretty good job of maintaining these trails, but there were certain parts where the trail was hard to navigate. 

Thankfully, there was no time constraint, because both Brian and I needed several breaks, especially after climbing the steep, narrow inclines. 

We saw some beautiful scenery. Honestly, there are no words {in English at least} to describe these mountains. They are among the oldest geographical features on Earth, and every time I get totally immersed into the Appalachian forests, I feel a connection with the Holy Other. 

                                         Brian on the difficult trail. He is such a good sport! This was on one of the rare {relatively} safer parts of the trail. 

              

                          Me on the trail.  I look surprised. Everything is so GREEN and lush here. We were deep in the woods when Brian snapped this photo. I'm resting my upper body on my hiking pole. 

                                                  " God's Country"

We are tired and sore. However, our souls are full. I love our Pensacola life, but a part of my DNA is Appalachian. 

Peace, love and music, friends...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

           

 

Low-Tech Time

                                                    Brian in downtown Boone, NC 

We are having a low-tech vacation, and I am LOVING IT! I've been dumping trip photos to Facebook, but so far, I've avoided endless scrolling. 

Recently I noticed how much I let what is said on social media affect my real life. 

Brian and I walked a lot. we dd not let the rainy day on Wednesday deter us from enjoying Grandfather Mountain. 

I'm started the habit of writing daily in a pen-and-paper journal. I do not worry about grammar and syntax, I just write. It feels damn good, too! I'd tried daily journalling, but the habit never stuck. Perhaps, as a writer, I worried too much on writing for other people , that I missed the point of a journal, to write for myself. 

I've done a lot of uke practice. So far, my family hasn't complained. {but the week is not over} I miss my piano, but it will be there when I return. 

I've enjoyed table time at supper with some of my Pennsylvania relatives and the Atlanta McCarrens. My nephew and niece are growing up fast, and they are so much fun. 

I've enjoyed the hot tub on the deck. 

Brian and I have seen countless deer each morning an evening. They somehow know that there is no hunting on this mountain, so they let people come really close. 

I'm totally disconnected from the news cycle, and I feel peace. No politics, and no Facebook drama from people whose opinions differ from mine. 

Tomorrow Brian and I are embarking on an all-day hiking adventure on Roan Mountain, located right on the NC/TN border. It is almost an hour's drive from Beech Mountain, but we've heard that the hike and the views are amazing. I am packing peanut butter and honey sandwiches in my backpack, along with water bottles. 

When I return home, I'll have a different policy when it comes to Facebook. 

Peace, love and music , y'all....

Sarah Beth McCarren 

#Carolina23 Day 1

                                           Me on the deck of our mountain " cabin"  Photo by Brian

We are here! 

After a long, arduous drive from my brother's house in Atlanta, Brian and I arrived safely at the Beech Mountain house. The drive here from Atlanta was easy, until we got to the foot of the mountain itself:  our directions to the cabin were not accurate and had us on the opposite side of the mountain. Thankfully we turned on the GPS, and it got us to the cabin.

It is beautiful here; everything is lush and green. As Brian and I drove north through Georgia and North Carolina yesterday, we saw a sharp difference from the flat Florida/ Alabama coastal topography where we live. On our drive up the mountain, we saw two deer. These magical creatures are plentiful on Beech Mountain. They know they are safe from hunters {Hunting is banned on the mountain} so are incredibly bold. 

My back was sore from all the sitting in the truck, so I treated myself to a soak i the hot tub on the deck before supper. The nerve root damage in my lower back makes long-term travel physically hard for me, but it is worth it to be here now. 

We did not do a whole lot yesterday but unpack and greet the others when they arrived from Pittsburgh and Atlanta.  It is wonderful to catch up with my favorite Pittsburgh relatives and spend quality time with the niece and nephew. 

I love the fact that it is cool enough here to wear jeans. I bought myself a souvenir hoodie sweatshirt with a zipper when we stopped at Blue Ridge Honey Company on our way north. Tey are a working apiary that has some of the best honey I've tasted. 

I am grateful for this time away. 

Peace, love and music.

Sarah Beth McCarren

 

The Story Behind the Blessing Ring

                                  The " Blessing Ring" that is quite a conversation piece. 

Let me talk about my " Blessing Ring".  

One of my DOK {The Order of The Daughters of The King} sisters told our chapter {parish group of DOK women} about her " Blessing Ring" and the meaning behind it. 

There is a small gift shop just east of Pensacola in unincorporated Gulf Breeze, Florida. It is called Magdalene's, and the profits from the sale of items in this shop help women who are coming out of human trafficking situations.  

https://magdalenes.org/  
 

Anyway, the " Blessing Rings" are one of the shop's most-asked-for-items, and the idea is to wear the ring until another woman blesses you with sharing a little about her life's journey. After she shares with you, the idea is to give her your ring to wear. When the time is correct, she will pass the ring to someone else. 

I bought my ring shortly after a friend shared a part of her story with me. I wear the ring daily on the ring finger of my right hand to remind me of the sacred bonds of trust that is the territory of genuine friendships between women. 

To be honest, I've always found making friends with men {boys when I was a child} than women. Women's ability to be catty and our tendencies to not include " odd girls" scare the crap out of me: when guys have a " what you see is what you get " attitude towards friendships. When I was still dating, men scared me. But men-as-friends {even now} seems much more natural for me. 

When I look at my Blessing Ring, I am reminded of the women in my life who are friends. Not mere acquaintances, but friends. It matters not how long I've known someone, but the level of trust I have with her {yes, two of my best gal pals from childhood are my " ride-or-die " gals, but they are the exception rather than the rule. My Blessing Ring reminds me that friendship is a two-way street: it requires something of me as well as from the other woman. 

As aside: I adore my DOK chapter: they've helped me reframe many of my poor experiences with women, and I love each of them dearly for who God made her to be. Th fact that we take vows to live in a very intentional community of women might help us trust each other more. 

It is hard to be human in these days: and it is even harder to be a woman or girl.  It is hard to be a woman who doesn't trust other women, but I hope that my new therapist will help me address this issue. 

Be a blessing, not a burden. I'll try to do the same. 

Trinity Sunday 2023

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Sabbath time In The Mountains

                                          Grandfather Mountain Swinging Bridge 2021

I need a break. 

 I am an introvert with some neurodivergence. People are exhausting, and I need to think about introducing some boundaries in my life. I plan to spend time away using an old-fashioned pen and paper journal to write down thoughts, emotions, and anything else that comes to my mind. 

Thankfully, Brian and I will join some other family members.in Western North Carolina for a full week of the Mountain Cure. Pensacola is home, but I am an Appalachian Mountain gal at heart. There is something sacred about spending time in those ancient mountains that makes my soul sing. 

During this time, I'll take a wonderful mini-sabbath from " screen-time" and ESPECIALLY social media. Since my phone lacks a huge memory card, I will dump the day's photos to Facebook daily, Yet I'll NOT post anything else, nor will I lurk. More importantly, my Direct messenger will be OFF.  I'm not posting to Instagram, only Facebook. 

Additionally, {other than a few select close friends and my priest} I'm not answering text messages or telephone calls on my phone. { I HATE talking on the phone anyway} 

I'm planning to focus on being with Creator God, the family members who will be present there with me, and myself. Everything and everyone else can wait until I return home to Pensacola. 

The details are sketchy, but I need to also use this as a spiritual retreat.  My prayer book is already packed, and I plan to read Life Together by Bonhoeffer. All of my Bibles are too bulky for travel, but our Book of Common Prayer is overwhelmingly derived directly from Scripture. 

I'm packing my ukulele and instruction book. Piano is my first musical love {of course}, but I cannot easily transport my full-sized electronic piano to the mountains. Music is healing, and I've several drills and three songs that I am learning to play on the uke. 

" The mountains are calling, and I must go." ~ John Muir 

Shalom { this word is that can be used ANYONE who understands its meaning, I use it a lot because of its universal appeal}

Sarah Beth McCarren