Two Photos: Same Person.

                                          The Author as a child. Circa 1984. Photo by Olan Mills 

                                                     The Author now-- photographed a couple days ago by her spouse,                                           Brian. 

                 I received a compliment from someone on Sunday that has given me much " food for thought". For context, Brian and I visited  our former parish on Sunday--the rector has accepted a call to a new church & Sunday was the only day we could get out to wish him well.  Anyway, we were there a bit early and took the opportunity to chat with some people whom we had not seen since before the pandemic/ Three Mile Bridge disaster. 

    While chatting with a older woman whom I've known for years-- she commented You really have changed a lot. " 

   She is correct. 

   Interestingly, when Brian and I were at my parents' house yesterday afternoon, a studio photo of myself caught my attention. The photo-- taken by Olen Mills { remember them, Gen X peeps??} shows a genuinely HAPPY little girl with long blondish hair, smiling eyes and a gap-toothed grin that reached her blue eyes. 

  This photo struck me because I have become an adult version of that free-spirited, confident, happy child.  Over 30 years have passed since I sat for that photo, but I see a lot of similarities in the faces of a recent photo of me and that decades-old portrait. 

  My eyes are open and wide. My smile { with teeth straightened by the wonders of orthodontics } is full and genuine. In both photos , I am confident and happy. 

 So much history has happened between the 1984 portrait of me and the photo from Saturday's party.  I left the area where I'd grown up 22 years ago-- and while this ended up being the best choice in my life it wasn't easy. As a matter of fact a lot of very slow growth occurred until i met Brian. 

  Brian and I moved once county over to Pensacola almost exactly four years ago. The most recent four years have been the best years of my life. Yes-- in spite of the chaos that was Year 2020-- I continued to grow towards wholeness & health. As much as Pandemic Life sucked, I discovered much about myself and my values.  Additionally, the relationships that I have with " my people" == communities where I am  celebrated  rather than merely tolerated heal a lot of old wounds. 

  Pandemic Life forced me to re-evaluate a lot of the messages that I received from people.  It also tested my mettle , much like the physical /mental trauma of two spinal surgeries at age 12. 

  I turned 45 in May and am healthy & happy like  8-year-old Sarah.  But I've grown into a woman. 

  Amen. 

  Sarah McCarren