Anne

                                            

Anne Elizabeth McNallen McCarren. 

Today is all about honoring a woman who has made a BIG impact on my life. She died during COVID, but she lived over 90 years well. She was a child of God, a nurse, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, a great-grandmother and a friend. 

She was tiny in stature but huge in heart. 

She, along with my grandfather, raised six kids, including my dad. 

She worked full-time as a nurse at Butler {Pennsylvania} Hospital. As

an Emergency Room nurse, she was on the frontlines of helping people. She understood that humans are put on earth to serve others, and that we each are called to a vocation. Grandma's vocation was than of a nurse. She retired from the hospital but remained a nurse. 

She loved Pittsburgh sports. I remember being at her house and always seeing some Pittsburgh sports team on the TV. Grandma had a special affinity for baseball and the Pittsburgh Pirates. 

She adored my spouse. 

Grandma knew who she was and her faith in the Triune God was strong. It was with her that I first visited a Christian church {Roman Catholic} When I made the choice to accept Jesus and get baptized, she was so proud of me. 

She had some strong opinions and did not shy away from expressing such opinions.  I remember some wonderful, spirited conversations with her over the phone. We consoled each other in 2016 regarding a certain "Buffoon's" antics on the national and world stage.  #IYKYK .  

By her example, Grandma taught me to be firm in my moral beliefs and to stand up for what I KNOW is right. 

Sometimes when I open my mouth, Grandma Anne's words come out. I learned my strength and fortitude from her. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday Grandma Anne. I give thanks for you today and every day. 

In the Name of the Triune God...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

        

Journalling

                              Butterflies, to me, are symbols of resurrection & transformation. Photo by Sarah Beth. 

I'm in therapy-- again. 

This therapist is REALLY good. I've only been working with her for a couple months, and already I see some BIG progress. 

She has me keeping a pen-and-paper journal. As someone who has been a writer since she could hold a fat pencil in her hand, I've kept journals. As a matter of fact, I credit the journals-- and the skilled therapists-- got me through a turbulent adolescence that was horrible mostly due to the fact that I score high on the neurodivergence scale. 

I did not talk much at all. I wrote. 

However, as I did my best to continue this practice into adulthood, I admit that it was an epic failure.  Well-intentioned, I would buy pretty hardback journals with the intent of writing something every day. 

 I'm someone who can remember in detail, how to get to a place that she'd been to only once before but fails miserably at keeping track of her phone. Yep, I am the classic ' Absent-Minded Professor" Archetype. 

I suck at commitments, so I sucked at journalling. 

However Great Therapist suggested that I do the following: 

1. Keep track of gratitude by writing down at least three things for which I am grateful each evening. 

    Lately it has been " I am grateful for air conditioning." 

 2. Write letters to people to tell them things that are on my heart, but I cannot {yet, if ever} say out loud. 

   This is also very helpful, as I am processing the sudden death of a beloved man who was like the older brother I'd always wanted. 

   I've also written some shitty poetry here that, thank God will never see the light of day. 

3. Use the journal as a Brain Dump. 

    Sometimes stuff just needs to get out of my head and onto the poor unsuspecting paper. 

Am I the most faithful person regarding spending time with my journal every day? Meh. 

Am I better with keeping the journal than I was in my teens and 20's? Yes! 

Today I am grateful for the gift of wordsmithing. 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

   

Therapy

 Hi .. My name is Sarah Beth, and I am currently in therapy. 

I'll say that again. I am in therapy. 

To be honest, due to a lot of life occurrences, I've been in and out of talk therapy for a big portion of my life. I'm NOT ashamed to admit that I need professional help-- and I am of the opinion that no one should feel shame about seeking help. 

Life sucks sometimes, and there are trained people who can objectively give us tools with which to cope with life's suckitude. 

Sadly, I used to feel the stigma attached with getting professional help for coping with life. My parents used to pick me up from school for " a doctor's appointment that was really for my weekly visit with my analyst. 

Hush hush hush. 

Thankfully, in the 2020's most people are enlightened enough to understand that talk therapy really can be part of a comprehensive health-care plan for some people. 

Some people need therapy for a short time-- or for a specific issue. 

Others, like me, need some professional guidance on how to navigate a scary world of scary people who do not understand neurodiverse brains. Face it: people are complex and can be cruel and sometimes it helps to have that unattached ear and voice to help navigate being human in a soul-crushing would of humans. 

I've learned that not all therapists are a good " fit" for each client. My current analyst is amazing: I've only been working with her for a month, and I can see the benefits. However, my last therapist did not have the full set of tools to help me. I am sure he is a good guy who really does want to help people, but his skills and my needs did not align. 

Talk therapy is healthcare. 

Namaste, y'all...

Sarah Beth McCarren