John's Gospel: Religious Trauma and Marginalized Persons

                                        
                                           As a cisgender woman, I enjoy some privilege that some of my siblings                                                do not. 

My name is Sarah, and my pronouns are she/her/hers. I'm in my late 40's and my pronouns have always been she/her/hers. 

  First of all, what the shooter in Nashville did was horrendous. Whatever reasons will come to light in the coming days, the fact is she murdered children. 

 Murder is never okay. 

 Yet I want to take a moment to talk about religious trauma and its effects on people. Certain stripes of Christianity has a long, sad history of violence towards people whom " they" deem unworthy, " demonic" or " wrong" according to their values. 

 In recent times, we are seeing a huge attack against our transgender siblings-- fueled by the theology of some Christians. One need look no further than my home state of Florida to see how anti-transgender laws and policies in PUBLIC, tax-supported institutions such as schools are becoming a reality. 

I wonder if religious trauma might have fueled some of the Nashville shooter's anger towards her former school? Again, this theory would not excuse her behavior, but perhaps would shine a light on a big problem in this country. 

Churches {and probably other religious institutions} can be cruel. To this day, I cringe when I hear The Gospel of John read and the writer says' the Jews' in what I imagine in a condescending tone. Knowing that John's otherwise beautiful message has been distorted and used to stoke the fires of antisemitism for centuries is the root of my complicated relationship with John's Gospel.  As an unchurched child growing up in rural Appalachia with a Jewish mother, I've heard some cruel comments directed at me and my interfaith family. The haters almost always John's Gospel as the basis for their hate. 

All this to say that my own experience with Christian hate makes me sensitive to how my faith{and it is a miracle that I became and am staying a Christian} has been weaponized against others. 

Our transgender siblings are especially vulnerable, as the science of gender is still relatively new. Other people who identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ alphabet soup share in this vulnerability, as do Black people, immigrants, Muslims and Jews. 

Religious trauma can happen when a person grows up in a faith community that will not accept them. I've heard stories from people who share how their churches rejected them for being _______. { Fill in the blank}and it saddens me. On a personal note, I know what its like when the established religion of your rural Appalachian culture marginalizes my entire family for being interfaith. 

Again, Christians can be cruel. Lately we've been especially cruel to transgender Americans. 

Violence is never the answer, and we DO need to reform laws concerning firearms. At the same time, we Christians need to take an honest look at ourselves and how the Way of Love, which was founded by one traveling Jewish rabbi so long ago has traumatized others in His name. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

My " Room Of Her Own'

 

                                           Hand Selfie 

Brian bought me a gently used full electronic keyboard for an early birthday present. Although this one is older than my previous, 61-key electronic piano keyboard, it has WEIGHTED KEYS { its a big deal for me-- and a necessity for any serious beginning pianist} 

To accommodate the bigger, heavier instrument, I finally cleaned out my " junk room" and turned it into a Music Room/ Library. Brian is thrilled that the room is neat, and I am thrilled to have my own space in our small city cottage. 

I am pleased with the results! Check it out: 

                                           Sarah Beth's Room of Her Own 

I'm still waiting to get the adjustable piano bench-- one that will have a drawer for all my music and various music-related things{My birthday is in May}. When this happens, the unsightly pile of sheet music and music books will not be seen. 

I put my framed photo of Doc on my piano, where I can see her smiling at me, healthy and whole { as when I was in college}. I imagine she is shaking her head at my desire to learn popular and rock music over classical pieces, but I also imagine her smiling at me when I do well in my lessons.  It is not shown in this photo, but I placed a framed photo of myself with my piano teacher. 

I think Doc knew her professionally, and probably would agree that she is the " right" piano teacher for my needs and goals. For several reasons, I will never be a great pianist, but with a lot of work I can increase my skills and re-connect some damaged neural pathways. 

I'm happy with my " room of her own" , and will sign off with this quote from Virginia Woolf. 

" Women have sat indoors all these millions of years, so by this time the very walls are permeated by  their creative force, which has, indeed, so overcharged the capacity of bricks and mortar that it must needs harness itself to pens and brushes and business and politics. "

Preach it, sister! 

Namaste...

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Piano and Healing: Let It Be

 

                                              I re-visited " Let It Be" with my piano today. 

I'm making strides in my Piano Journey. My teacher was pleased with the progress I've made since my last lesson a couple weeks ago. My sight-reading skills have improved, I even played a new-to-me song 'sight unseen" for my teacher and am pleased at the results. 

 It has been a rough start to 2023 for me. Brian and I lost a dear friend suddenly to a cardiac arrest in February.  To be honest, I am still processing this loss: unlike most of the other losses in my life, this one caught me totally by surprise. He was 53 years old, and Brian and I have been friends with his entire family for well over a decade. Anthony was an older brother to me: We picked on each other as only siblings do but I loved him as one of my chosen family. I've known their eldest child since they were in kindergarten, and now they will soon graduate from high school. His widow is a friend and also a spiritual sister of The Order of The Daughters of the King. 

When Doc died, my priest's advice about moving through grief helped a lot. She said " The only way around something {in this case grief over my first significant loss of my life}is through it. " She is correct: I've worked through most of my initial stage of grief, but I realize I'll miss Doc forever because I loved her as a spiritual mother.

 Doc, I believe, was ready to meet God. I saw her for the last time a month before she finally died and I felt her weariness. However, that does not mean I don't feel her absence acutely every day. 

 Additionally, we ran into some stumbling blocks regarding paying for Brian's medicine. {Apparently specialty pharmacies can get away with charging exuberant prices for their products.} We've thankfully found a way to get the needed financial aid for Brian's medicine, and for this I am grateful. 

 Along with my husband and church community, piano has been a constant source of hope and renewal for me. I've taken the discipline of playing my prayers each morning as part of my prayer time. Making music has been physical, emotional, and spiritual therapy for me. It matters not if I play pieces from my Easy Hymns book, my Disney Songs for Beginners book, some sheet music I'd bought, or working on my favorite Beatles' song. 

Making music in any way IS a form of connecting with our Creator-- as a person who has sang in choir most of my life, I've always known that music connects us to our Creator. Even something as basic as playing 8-finger scales {a task that my clumsy hands are not fond of completing} connects me to Abba Creator

Piano, since it is still new to me, demands that I bring my full self to the bench. My mind focuses on reading the music and coordinating with my hand and finger muscles to play the correct notes. Additionally, I have discovered that playing pieces that I know well helps me settle into a peaceful, contemplative mood. 

The words of the Lennon/ McCartney song serve as a prayer in their own right. 

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

At my piano bench, I find a sacred space-- a space that is as sacred as any church nave-- where I meet The Holy. I lay down my burdens and... Let It Be. 

Amen. 

Sarah Beth McCarren 

Lent 2 2023.